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Too Much?

Thread originally posted on the Aeclectic Tarot Forum on 20 Jun 2005, and now archived in the Forum Library.

aaquwaa  20 Jun 2005 
I hope I am posting this in the right place, If I am not, Moderator please move it :). Has anyones spouse or significant other, ever told you, Sometimes I worry about you, you are so into this mystic stuff? Tarot, crystals, herbs, aromatherapy, different beleifs? Is there a point where you are too curious, and there is too much? Can you want too much? But if Tarot opens a different kind of spirituality in you, can that be wrong? Thanks, for all answers. :) 

HudsonGray  20 Jun 2005 
I think we all find what our own balance is in regards to the occult/mystical/spiritual things. You can never have too much learning. The more you know, the easier it is to decide if this new information 'fits' or isn't for you after all. A person may be able to obsess about something, but usually that indicates an imbalance in their life they're trying to fill, for some reason, and their own mind will start twinging about it for them.

Not having gone off the deep end over anything myself, I think it's not all that common to get so gung ho over something it takes over to the exclusion of everythng else. I've just not seen it in the people around me. They have very eclectic interests and avidly pursue reading and knowledge, yet always seem to find a balance in it, same as me. We've got enough checks and balances to know when to say stop or tone it down on our own, pretty much. 

Lillie  20 Jun 2005 
I think it can be difficult for a person if their partner changes in a significant way.
Wether this be a change of beliefs, politics or whatever.
Or a significant deepening of already held beliefs.

The other person can feel left out, or left behind. They can feel that this is no longer the person they thought they knew.

They can react in many ways. One of them is to try to stop the person from changing, by telling them it is bad, or too much.

But everyone changes, all the time. None of us is the person we were 10 years ago, or even one year ago!
Everyone must follow their path, where ever it leads them, but sometimes it is difficult not to loose things on the way.

One way to try to deal with something like this is to try to involve them in the new interests or beliefs, but gently, not like they are being forced.
It is always helpful to talk about things, to share ideas and to listen to each others view point.
Some times it can be difficult for this not to become an argument where each side becomes entrenched in its own position, where it becomes impossible for either to back down and accept the others opinion. So arguments are best avoided.

I assume from your post that either you, or someone close to you, are in the position you discribe.
I wish you well in sorting it out, the most important thing in any relationship that lasts is compromise. both must give and take equally. (a lesson I found rather hard to learn!)

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you. 

feticeira  20 Jun 2005 
Well I think anything in excess canīt be good. If youīre suddenly consumed by something to the point that youīre ignoring other aspects of your life (friends, family, work, etc) or majorly changing your values and such itīs undestandable that if loved ones become concerned. 

tarotbear  20 Jun 2005 
There was a thread (or two) about 'Who was freaked out about your interest in tarot," and 'Who was not freaked out about your interest in tarot?", but I can't seem to find them. There were many interesting answers. 

autumn star  20 Jun 2005 
From my experience - I think that people can be too into 'mystic stuff', and all the things that you described. I consider myself as having two areas to my life - my physical life - like work and generally things outside of myself - and then my spirtual and inner life (tarot included).

Your post made me think that when a person pursues one of these areas too much - then it would be dangerous.

I think that you have to make the two (spiritual & physical) work together - so that they are not separate - so your spiritual and physical life work together and complement each other. This is harder than it sounds - believe me. If you spend too long in one area then you create an imbalance and this is not healthy. When you go to far in one area you can start to become too wrapped up in it.

That's just my experience anyway

autumn :) 

Fudugazi  21 Jun 2005 
I think it becomes too much when we read and learn about life, meditate on its meaning, using spiritual or other tools - and forget to live life. When our souls become so important we neglect our bodies; when we sacrifice our meaningful relationships for our spiritual quest. It is like these people who exercise all day and are always on a diet - and never enjoy and share their beautiful body, too busy, too focussed on it. There is an old friend of the family who has all but cut off with her friends and family in her spiritual quest. She does not even want to see her (very balanced) sister who is sick with cancer - because the "vibes" of cancer might interfere with the bliss she brings back from Indian ashrams.

Balance is all...the Temperance card says it, really ;) 

Astra  21 Jun 2005 
I tend to think it's too much - or too important - when someone starts dividing their life into "what I do for me/what I'm stuck doing to support it"

Experience with the SCA, and sf fandom, when there were people to whom nothing mattered except the weekends they could get away for events and the time they spent talking to other afficianados and building or making items for the weekends (and yeah, I was one of those for a couple of years) made me look at why I couldn't seem to enjoy "mundane" life, and what I needed to bring into it to make it seem as worthwhile as what I was doing in my "free" time.

Talk about opening up a can of worms.... There are times when I almost wish I'd left the two separated, but they don't come very often. 

feticeira  21 Jun 2005 
Astra wrote:

Experience with the SCA, and sf fandom

Excuse my ignorance and it may be a little off topic, but what is that? 

HudsonGray  21 Jun 2005 
It's one of the biggest historical re-creationist groups in the US, check under for one branch in your area. They're part of the living history groups.

And SF fandom is science fiction fandom, there's sf conventions all around the world. 

aaquwaa  22 Jun 2005 
Thanks so much for all the replies. Elaine, you are a wise soul. Lillie, thank you. Helvetica, You have a gift of prose, I always enjoy your posts.
Thank you Tarot Bear for bumping the threads, they made me feel much better and I love your kilt. I know that too much of anything is an obsession or addiction, food, alcohol, religion, sex.......It was never the amount of time, it was the subjects. They are so different than what a strong type A personality understands, also I think a great deal of it may be that, he doesn't want me perceived as strange (by his colleagues or family) by liking tarot and stuff.
Now I tell him, I am a little worried about you, You are always into that financial stuff. :) I know that you can't use tarot to pick stocks, but I did do a past, present, future read on one of his companies, and it said the same thing as the analysts. :)
So I'll keep my nose in my books, hands on my cards, and a smile on my face. :)
Thanks again, everyone

Marina  22 Jun 2005 
My mother didn't believe in me when i became a Wicca - she siad 'oh, it's just a temporary thing, you'll see...'. Same with tarot. She thought it was just a sudden curiosity...nowadays, she likes me to do readings for her ;)
Well, i was already a Wiccan and a tarot reader when i met my boyfriend, so it wasn't a problem (although he says he doesn't believe in anything and is an atheist...but there was a reading that did freak him out a bit }) ).

There's no too much, i think, as long as you know what you are doing and you aren't harming anyone. Don't try to force your beliefs on people, but don't let them disrespect you too!

I'd write more, but my hands are beyond frozen =/


Dark Inquisitor  22 Jun 2005 
I think another one of the ways that would give a clue one might be too into it all would be if one was getting bossy about it and trying to convert others , so to speak. I think at that point it becomes about control and not about the path one is on for oneself.

In some ways, admitting you are into metaphysical things can be like touching the third rail . Super rational types might automatically jump to the wrong conclusions and get a bit panicked at just the mere thought . Society loves a scapegoat for its' fears and that wacky tarot reader crazy person stereotype is just too convenient . Society supports the super rational point of view and usually denigrates anything else .

I really wonder now if there are some people who would genuinely think I needed mental adjustment if they knew about my spiritual life, and might even consider trying to enforce their opinion on me . If they truly believed that all of us are living in delusions , that none of what we believe can possibly be true, and that all of us are mentally ill in some way , they just might become alarmed enough to try to do something about it. 

Emeraldgirl  23 Jun 2005 
My partner has said I was into tarot, crystals, books etc too much. I compaired the time I spend on it to the time he spends on Playstaation 2. End of discussion. It was more that he felt left out so I got him a set of Runes to learn (he was always looking at mine) and he's fine now. 

rainwolf  23 Jun 2005 
Haha, thats great emerald girl.

I keep my tarot to myself mostly. I do have "several" decks, although miniscule to some people here, but my book collections is rather large. The people that tell me I "have too much" are the people that wish they had what I had })

I agree that you have to balance both sides because every once in a while I find myself leaning too much one way and it is really uncomfortable. If I spend too much time in the physical world I feel shallow, and if I spend too much time doing tarot (me religion/spiritual side) I find myself behind in everything that supposedly "matters".

It depends on your point of view--what is important to you and how much do you need? That's your answer. 

Alta  23 Jun 2005 
Generally if a person has anything they are deeply interested in, be it golf, PlayStation, stamps, cars, their kids, tarot, they will spend a lot of time on it. About the only people who have 'balanced' lives are those who have no deep interests. 

Astra  23 Jun 2005 
Marion wrote:
Generally if a person has anything they are deeply interested in, be it golf, PlayStation, stamps, cars, their kids, tarot, they will spend a lot of time on it. About the only people who have 'balanced' lives are those who have no deep interests.

Marion, I agree fully. Except how, then, do you handle the vast minutiae of ordinary life without having to deal with it on an emergency basis when it gets to the level of a crisis which interrupts the things you're deeply interested in?

I'm not being sarcastic at all here - this is the question I've been trying to answer for almost 20 years. I hate emergencies, even though I generally handle them well, but if I spend the time I seem to need to with everyday things to prevent them, I never seem to have enough time to spend on the things I want to do. (Well, of course, that would be most of my waking hours, but...)

Somewhere, there's gotta be a middle ground, doesn't there? If so, anybody got any good ideas on how to find it? 

Hermina  24 Jun 2005 
Hello aaquwaa,

That's kind of a tricky situation. I don't know the extent to which he is 'worried' for you. Is it just a lighthearted statement? or is it really a problem in the relationship? You always have to be true to yourself first. If tarot is giving you a spiritual awakening (which of course it is!) that cannot be compromised.

I had a similar situation where my boyfriend did not believe in tarot, and he never wanted to be involved in it. So I didn't involve him. It was just for me. Something I did for myself. I told him that it really helped me and it was something I liked. So we harmoniously agreed to disagree. That is the key. We gave each other the space to have our different interests.

Needless to say, years later we are still together and living harmoniously.

So be true to yourself!


Moonchild1721  24 Jun 2005 
My ex-boyfriend once said to me that he didn't believe in Tarot, and that he was a little concerned that I did. Even after I explained to him what Tarot is, and that he probably had alot of misconceptions about it, he still didn't seem to quite accept my interest in it. I didn't bring it up to him again, and he never mentioned either. Some people just don't understand it, and maybe aren't willing to. My ex just wasn't open minded enough to agree to disagree about things (not just Tarot, other stuff too) and things didn't work out for us. I think some people will accept it, and others won't. Just let your signifigant other know what's important to you, he/she has to accept that 

Fudugazi  25 Jun 2005 
Marion wrote:
Generally if a person has anything they are deeply interested in, be it golf, PlayStation, stamps, cars, their kids, tarot, they will spend a lot of time on it. About the only people who have 'balanced' lives are those who have no deep interests.
I think there is a difference between a passion and an obsession that can actually harm other parts of life we value - regardless of the opinion of others. One will bring us alive, the other will drain us. Where is the border? Ah! that's the question. Any kind of addiction is a slippery slope and we might be in the middle of it before we realise it. But avoidance of passion is not an option either - it leads to grey despair, so...

...good luck to all passionate lovers of anything, is what I say! (and I include myself in that happy/risk-taking lot) 

The Too Much? thread was originally posted on 20 Jun 2005 in the Talking Tarot board, and is now archived in the Forum Library. Read the threads in Talking Tarot, or read more archived threads.

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