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rachelcat  rachelcat is offline
XII. The Hanging Cat
 
Join Date: 30 Oct 2004
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 3,403
rachelcat 

Hi. Catching up, as usual.

This is so interesting. I did step 17 two weeks ago and really didn't remember it at all. I didn't read it before I did step 18 today. I had completely forgotten I had changed my main character from an accomplished, flirtatious dancer to a little girl. I did it for my imagination, too.

It took me so long to continue to this step because I couldn't get started. I couldn't figure out how it was different than storytelling, dialoging and embodiment. So I decided to imagine a secondary character in the card to change it up a bit. So here it goes.

I'm a little girl so excited about going to the festival. It's outdoors so I'm wearing sturdy sandals and shorts. Nothing too feminine. We get there and there are so many things to do. Pony rides, games to win prizes, etc. And food and sweets. I want it all and I can't decide what I want first! But my parents pull me over to a grassy area in front of an empty stage. They let me run around in the grass some, but when the music starts, I have to sit on the blanket and be quiet. Then a young lady comes out on stage and starts to dance. My parents press a handful of confetti in my hand and lead me up closer to the stage. They seem so happy and excited, smiling and laughing, and they throw their confetti. So I throw mine, too. It looks pretty floating down in the breeze, but I'm getting a little bored. What about all those games and food? I slip off to the grassy place again but don't want to be out of sight of my parents, so I hang around there. Gradually, the music seeps into my consciousness and I close my eyes and start to move.

I let the music surround me and enter me and move me. The cool breeze and the dappled sun on my face become part of the music, part of the dance.

The applause and end of the music brings me back to myself. I open my eyes and look around. Other children are spinning, dancing, and scooping up the confetti and throwing it over themselves.

I looked and saw my parents reclining on the blanket watching me with much more love and admiration in their eyes than they ever had for the stage dancer. I ran and jumped on them and my mom playfully threw a little confetti over me. I was home. I was loved.

My dad said, "are you hungry?" And we got up, folded our blanket, and went to stand in the french fries line.

For many days and nights, whenever I closed my eyes, the music flooded into my soul again.

Where did all this come from and where is it going? I think I'm done with the center of attention and sexuality/femininity theme, so my character is a child.

Which leads to: My birthday is tomorrow. My dad's was two days ago. It will be exactly 7 months since he passed away. He would have been 78. We're both Cancers, so we really didn't have much to say to each other, but I always liked being mentioned as and thought of as the most like him among us three kids, both in personality and appearance.

I'm guess I'm still getting used to the idea that he's gone. Up til now I've been more focused on helping out my mom and making sure she's ok. Now I guess I have to deal with my own feeling about it. I'm not sad. I guess I just feel a little bad about taking him for granted all this time, but I know he understood. He was just such a laid back, sweet person. That's why I love him! Well, one of the reasons.

I'm glad this is coming out in my studies. I also felt a little guilty about not dwelling on it very much in my daily life, but I see that it's there, so that's good.
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