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Jewel  Jewel is offline
Join Date: 25 Oct 2001
Location: Somewhere in the Sea
Posts: 6,164
Step 9 - Fantastic Menagerie

OK well I am slowly catching up to the group! I think I am only 4 weeks behind now *LOL*.

CARD: The Star
DECK: Fantastic Meangerie
Card can be seen here:

9:1.1. Open ended questions and responses - questions came from reviewing my previous exercises and Step 4, the Story is the one that made me really probe and question:

QUERY: What walls am I longing to move beyond?
SNAPSHOT: Scenes where my husband tells me I don't do anything, that I am not a team playner, that it is all about me, just because I want some time to myself and to do something alone.
ANSWER: I am longing to move beyond the walls I feel surrounding me in everyday life. Worrying about what's for dinner and making it, washing dishes, doing laundry, etc. Every single day I have chores. I want to feel free to ignore them every now and then, maybe 2 or 3 times a week and do my thing without being bothered or resented for it. I want more "alone" and "me" time.

QUERY: What would happen if I chose to ignore those chores 2-3 times a week?
SNAPSHOT: Days when my husband has had bad days and is feeling overwhelmed, and when I get home he starts pointing out everything that has to be done and that HE will have to it ... you get the picture.
ANSWER: It would cause a fight, there would be yelling, insulting, accusations of everything being all about "me" and what "I" need.

QUERY: How does that me feel?
SNAPSHOT: Me in my car going over the situation and after the fact saying everything I wish I would have, knowing I never will because I don't want to cause more yelling.
ANSWER: Angry, distant, rensentful, and sometimes even mean and hateful.

QUERY: What can I do to create more alone or me time?
SNAPSHOT: The hubby being really nice and understanding when approached, then throwing it in my face three weeks later when he feels overwhelmed.
ANSWER: I honestly have no clue, as I know it will end up in my face in the end. Those are my walls. The ones I do not know how to escape. No matter what patterns I observe and act upon, it never works out in the long run.

9:1.2. What I need to look at most in my life right now, as suggested by my responses, metaphors, and memories, is on my own personal needs.

I feel very frustrated in not being able to take time for myself to do what I want when I want. The sense of only being able to have stolen moments to myself when my husband has things he wants to do (i.e. play a video game). Anger and resentment are the strongest of the emotions this brings out in me.

Anger and resentment are my access points to the greatest energy for manefesting what I want. I don't see how this can be a true statement, as these are negative emotions that are rarely expressed or received in a positive manner. I have tried to express them positively, and the end result is always a fight as defensiveness on one side or the other tends to be the result, which leads back and feeds the other two.
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