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telcontar  telcontar is offline
Join Date: 26 Jul 2004
Location: Germany
Posts: 356

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XV Self-Hatred

Originally posted by Glaucus

On the Interview page I also found your Moon card, which sent my jaw dropping and my eyes watering. If any card in particular has popped out so far, it's this one that speaks on so many levels, even having not read your LWB. It certainly evokes the thought of something splendidly romantic and sensual, but given the 'traditional' Moon meanings, it can certainly be more ominous. For one we don't know if this is a monogamous couple in love, a cheating man, or even a one-night stand, all very real possibilities. And all of them carry emotional and social responses running rampant in the gay community, like fidelity, fear of STIs, age and size favouritism, etc. It doesn't speak like a simple romantic love scene.
That's what gave me a new perspective on

XV Self-Hatred,

too. The different possibilities you mention. Self-Hatred is The Devil of the Gay Tarot: a young man, standing in a museum or gallery, looking at a picture of a happy family (mother, father, son, daughter and dog) in their garden. A sunny suburbean paradise. It's dark in the museum, the young man is alone and his whole posture speaks of tension. He's making a fist so had you expect the muscles in his arm to snap.

The title is telling a lot: the young man hates himself. But why? Because he will never take part in this kind of life? Maybe he has lost his own family, coming out. Maybe it is the loneliness of not being "normal" and straight. Maybe he's in love with a straight man who lives with such a family. You don't know from the picture alone.

But the position of the card is telling a lot, too: it's the devil and such is it about illusionary ties - is this family REALLY so happy? Certainly they have their own problems. That's all those Hollywood-Movies, ending with a wedding, when the troubles only start We see a man here, who's trying to follow an ideal that's not his own. But failing to recognize this he sees only his failure and not the goals he might reach by failing to reach this one.

These are some of my thoughts. And yours?
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