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Join Date: 28 Aug 2001
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 8,219
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Universal Fantasy - Knight of Swords


Step 9

1) QUESTION: Why is this person wearing armor?
SNAPSHOT: I flashed on how I deal with my father with this question. He's very hard to deal with and a very good saleman so many times he ends up talking circles around you until you're totally confused and apologizing for something you went in there mad at him for.
ANSWER: She is wearing armor because she need to be protected - obviously. She's on her way to some sort of conflict and you never know what's going to come your way. You have to protect yourself before the fact. (emotions - anger that I need armor - I shouldn't)

QUESTION: When have you ever felt this confident?
SNAPSHOT: The answer answers all.
ANSWER: I've felt this confident most recently when I live in Pittsburgh, PA. (I just moved not quite a year ago) I had very good friends there who had similar beliefs to me. Who I could talk with about anything. Because of this I felt I could handle almost anything - some times to the point of arrogance. I had never opened myself this much before with friends - other than you Jewel! (emotions - love, full acceptance)

QUESTION: Where or when did you learn to shut out unwanted emotions so you could concentrate only on what needs to be done?
SNAPSHOT: I snapped back to my childhood.
ANWER: I learned to shut out unwanted emotions and only allow the strong emotions to stay as a process in growing up. While young I felt like I was the mother to my Mom - protecting her from my brother and father. I had to close down the childish emotions and grow up very quickly. Then when I was about hmmm.... not really sure what age, but not very old. Maybe 14, 15 yrs old. I also had a extremely grown up ephiany where I realized that worrying over my Mom didn't do much other than drive me bananas. That she was a grown woman (granted who needed help) but I was only a child. I couldn't take care of her the rest of my life and she would probably learn more if I wasn't hovering over her. I buried all my worries and hurt for quite a few years. I actually didn't cry for I don't know how many years. When I did finally let it out I think I cried for 3 days straight (literally). Now I cry at the drop of a hat though. LOL I actually cry more now when I'm happy than sad. (emotions - sadness that my mother didn't have the confidence to be an actual mother and anger that I had to take care of things I shouldn't have had to while I was a child)

2) I guess I need to process more of my growing up years. I've done alot of this in the past, but maybe I'm ready to let more go now. I think I could write a book here on what I will do. This exercise has made me realize a bunch here about my parents, aunt and uncle, and friends. Mostly that for the most part I feel my friends emotionally have my back more than my relatives do!
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