To Keep a Tarot Gift:

The crowned one

I forget about half of what my wife says to me by the time she's done saying it. It does not mean I love her any less or I am disrespecting her purposely. I have gone off to get her a surprise gift and actually wondered "now did she say she likes that or hates that??" I chance it and am right about 60% when I am wrong she tells me, no big deal.

This was not a " behavior" it was a action and to me it is acceptable mistake when no disrespect is meant and intentions are good. I have done it without a trace of malace and only trying to make my wife happy. We men blow it all the time. He must have had good intentions because his feelings were mildly hurt when he found out the truth. It just not that big of a deal.

afrosaxon

Lillie said:
On the other hand he thinks he has explained the meaning of 'pre-amp' to me dozens of times, and also the off side rule in football.
.

Did he explain the off-side rule in football, using condiments? :laugh:

There is a scene in the movie Bend It Like Beckham, where the soccer (football) dad/husband tries to explain the off-side rule to the fashionista mother/wife using bottles of sea salt, "posh French mustard", and teriyaki sauce. Hilarious!

T.

Grizabella

I learned quite a long time ago that if you tell a man (or a child) "don't get this", then when they go to buy something, the "don't get this" carries more weight in their mind than the "do get" and they'll buy the "don't get" just because that's the one that stuck in their mind uppermost. I learned to just say the "do get" and not say the "don't get". The "don't get" goes into the "this is important" file in their mind, but not WHY it's important so when they're purchasing whatever it is, they'll get what you didn't want because that's what stands out in their mind as being important.

OK----I know that sounds confusing. But it's true.

Lillie

sadly not condiments yet.

Men care about stuff like that.

But they are very vague on shopping things....

The crowned one

Solitaire* said:
I learned quite a long time ago that if you tell a man (or a child) "don't get this", then when they go to buy something, the "don't get this" carries more weight in their mind than the "do get" and they'll buy the "don't get" just because that's the one that stuck in their mind uppermost. I learned to just say the "do get" and not say the "don't get". The "don't get" goes into the "this is important" file in their mind, but not WHY it's important so when they're purchasing whatever it is, they'll get what you didn't want because that's what stands out in their mind as being important.

OK----I know that sounds confusing. But it's true.

Smart lady!!

Alta

Well, I can see WhiteBirchWoman's viewpoint, and in fact have felt that same fire burning inside me, times past.

I have also felt that extreme anger over the sorts casual cruelty that happen within the confines of marriage and the way women often collude in it. At its extreme end (way off the scale to what is being described here) is the young lady, broken and bleeding in the ER, telling the nurses that "really, he loves me", and going back as soon as she can walk. My mom was a nurse, and she saw this first hand.

Right... hey, just a small thing. A 'guy thing'. Right??? right?

But, WhiteBirchWoman isn't the only one who reacts the other way than that which most did, and likely through bitter experience. All I am saying is, sometimes we have to see things for what they are... and what they are not.

M

WhiteBirchWoman

The crowned one said:
He must have had good intentions because his feelings were mildly hurt when he found out the truth. It just not that big of a deal.

Hurt feelings are not by default a sign of good intentions. What you are describing is a case of faulty memory. Based on what Tabi said I don't think that's the case. I certainly don't see how his behavior can be dismissed out of hand as nothing more than that. That's not how I read Tabi's post at all.

Lillie

Marion said:
Well, I can see WhiteBirchWoman's viewpoint, and in fact have felt that same fire burning inside me, times past.

I have also felt that extreme anger over the sorts casual cruelty that happen within the confines of marriage and the way women often collude in it. At its extreme end (way off the scale to what is being described here) is the young lady, broken and bleeding in the ER, telling the nurses that "really, he loves me", and going back as soon as she can walk. My mom was a nurse, and she saw this first hand.

Right... hey, just a small thing. A 'guy thing'. Right??? right?

But, WhiteBirchWoman isn't the only one who reacts the other way than that which most did, and likely through bitter experience. All I am saying is, sometimes we have to see things for what they are... and what they are not.

M

It depends very much on the relationship.

I can only speak for mine.
And yeah, it's a 'guy thing' with him.
The casual cruelties I practice upon him are probably far more deliberate and are a 'woman thing'.

Only Tabi can decide whether her blokes actions were a forgetful man, a spiteful controlling man, or just someone who is to vague to get it right.

The crowned one

WhiteBirchWoman said:
Hurt feelings are not by default a sign of good intentions. What you are describing is a case of faulty memory. Based on what Tabi said I don't think that's the case. I certainly don't see how his behavior can be dismissed out of hand as nothing more than that. That's not how I read Tabi's post at all.

Ok ,agreed that hurt feelings are not by default a sign of good intentions, as a matter of fact my feelings are not hurt when my wife does not like my gifts as my intentions are good. It is her right to like what she likes and tell me what she does not. I guess Tabi needs to decide his intentions, communication is a good start.

Moonbow

This reminds me of the Christmas Eve that I saw a middle-aged man in a fashion boutique choosing a pair of trousers (obviously a last minute thought) for his wife.

He 'really' wanted this pair of red leather skinny jeans, and the poor young shop assistance was actually trying to persuade him into buying a handbag instead.

I guess our husbands sometimes have a different idea to us of the way we see ourselves.

If its near Christmas and I find myself saying "oh that's nice" I quickly follow it with "but don't buy it for me" because most men are very literal and although you may like red leather jeans, you might not want them for yourself!

Not sure if this helps your dilemma tabi. I think I would be honest and say I don't like, but not get into an argument about "I told you so..."

To Keep a Tarot Gift:

The crowned one

afrosaxon

Grizabella

Lillie

The crowned one

Alta

WhiteBirchWoman

Lillie

The crowned one

Moonbow