Skeptics Partners or other loved ones

I'm in a bit of a different situation. I thankfully am not surrounded by fundies; I live in one of the most progressive communities in the country, probably, a small city that supports all things alternative and woo woo, and frankly I'm the skeptical one about tarot lol.

But the fact of the matter is I'm fairly in the closet because it creeps out my wife. And I respect that. She's a very rational person (we're Jewish btw) but she went through a period in her early teen years where she kinda got freaked out by some of the things that preteen girls can freak each other out with. She had some experience with a Ouija board that she won't talk about, and shudders talking about reading VC Andrews. Campfire stuff, but I respect that. I had a friend in college who got that way, and when he found out I used the tarot, asked me to exorcize his "haunted" apartment. (Which I did, or rather I did some stupid mumbo jumbo to reassure someone I loved).

Anyhow, I censor myself about tarot, and keep my practice pretty much to when the wife and kids are sleeping.

I also do that because, having kids, our time is pretty cramped and we need to bring in the dollars. And I have enough other hobbies which it is a battle to make time for, and prove they are not a waste of time. Writing mostly. Which is what brought me back to tarot, as a writing tool.

I imagine that I will eventually come out more. My wife knows I read about it, and I have received decks in the mail. But we otherwise don't talk about it.

I'm sure it will change when the kids get older, and if I ever get proficient enough to do readings publicly again. I have a feeling that I might be able to sell the idea to my wife if I could make some money at it, LOL.

When my mom first found out I did cards, she was really worried because she associated it with evil, Satanism and even suicide, for some reason. The other day I told her I'm going professional online and she offered to help me with marketing (which is what she does for her job). It's not like she's begging me for readings, but she knows that it's part of who I am and has been able to look past her fears to care for me as a person. This was totally unexpected with her. I know some people will never change, but I just wanted to say that a few do.

Citrin said:

How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do you feel comfortable really talking this through? I mean, as long as he doesn't mind you doing your thing it's all good even though he doesn't believe in it. But him believing tarot cards are evil, I can see how that makes you uncomfortable! Maybe you could take another round talking about that? Explain to him how a deck of cards can never be evil! It's all about what you do with your tool! It's like a knife, sure you can kill someone with it, but most of us don't therefor knives are hardly something you should feel scared of finding at anyone's house. Maybe give examples of how the cards have helped you at times, making you pick better choices?

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I will add: How easily can you live WITHOUT your boyfriend?

Skepticism is a natural part of living - did man really land on the moon? Is there really a satellite landed on a moving meteor? Did a bunch of governments get together and decided to tell us that 'global warming' is true when they made it up in the first place?

However - you have a BIG problem here; it's one thing to say 'My boyfriend collects petrified lizards which gross me out but that's O.K. with me', and another for your bf to say 'Tarot cards ARE EVIL - (which means you must be EVIL, too for using them'). That is not being a skeptic - that is being passive aggressive. One day you will come home and find he burned your decks 'to save you'. Over-reaction on my part? Not really.

You need to talk this out - more. This person lives with you? One thing for your parents in another state or country to dislike your cards - another for someone you are in close contact with on a daily basis.

I think that "evil" bit has to be understood in context though. Dara did say he was a complete non-believer, so his definition of evil isn't the same as how a Christian fundamentalist would define it. Many atheists believe all forms of spirituality are evil because they lead to religion, holy wars, persecution and all the nasty stuff caused by those things. I'm not even sure I can disagree with that view, myself. It could be argued that all forms of spirituality are meant to placate and numb the general populace into stupidity, making them more easy to control. I'm not saying I think that, but even if he thinks that the cards are evil, lets not put words in the mouth of someone who isn't even here and assume that he thinks she is evil for using evil things.

Identifying and understanding the other person is very important, in any case, as their misgivings may have some merit.

Dara said:

I have a partner that is very closed minded to many things and I have accepted that about most things. In fact we align very differently politically and what not, which I knew about from the beginning of our relationship.

However when I got into tarot recently, his reaction to it was a bit disheartening. He is a total non-believer, thinks its a waste of my time, and even may be evil. I tried to talk to him about it, telling him that I don't use it to tell the future and only use it to gain insight about the current state of affairs in peoples lives so that we can reflect and guide ourselves. He's still is very skeptically. He hasn't interfered with me learning tarot or anything. He lets me do it because it makes me happy. But I still feel uneasy that he may be judging me.

Has anyone else dealt with skeptic loved ones... family members, close friends, or partners?

I don't think this is an issue that will break us up or anything, but I do want to know how people go about addressing this or if they have advice about this matter.

Thanks y'all.

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Get your Inner Lawyer going to address this issue when it comes up again. If you want to get through to someone you have to speak on their terms. He's not a tarotist and doesn't understand it the way that you do. Explain it from his point of view.

So, you get Exhibit A: A deck of standard playing cards.
Then you get Exhibit B: A deck of tarot cards.

Hold up the playing cards and ask him if he thinks they're evil. My guess is that he won't think so (unless he's had a few too many late nights with the boys and they took all his money..lol).

Show him the tarot cards and how they are pretty much the same but with more elaborate pictures; explain that they were originally created to be a card game for noble people.

Explain that it wasn't until some time later, people started doing crazy things with the cards, some good, some not so good.

Insert Joke: If I could predict the future, don't you think we'd be rich?

Then explain, certainly, playing a card game can be a "waste of time" as well, but it does something for us, doesn't it? Explain that tarot cards do that same thing for you. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then ask him if he truly believes you're "evil" or up to no good.

At best, he'll see your side of things, dispose the notion that they're evil, and maybe even come around to them as just being cards/a hobby.

Maybe at the not so best, he'll think you're still being silly playing with your cards, but I hope the notion of you being evil or doing evil things will not still be there and that he may actually feel a little stupid accusing you of such because of something so "silly".

I would take initial steps like these to speak from his point of view and to try to root out the 'evil' from his entire notion... that would be my advice for now. Before you try to argue your own point of view on anything, you should first disarm the 'nonsense' in the opposing view.

Amanda_04 said:

Get your Inner Lawyer going to address this issue when it comes up again. If you want to get through to someone you have to speak on their terms. He's not a tarotist and doesn't understand it the way that you do. Explain it from his point of view.

So, you get Exhibit A: A deck of standard playing cards.
Then you get Exhibit B: A deck of tarot cards.

Hold up the playing cards and ask him if he thinks they're evil. My guess is that he won't think so (unless he's had a few too many late nights with the boys and they took all his money..lol).

Show him the tarot cards and how they are pretty much the same but with more elaborate pictures; explain that they were originally created to be a card game for noble people.

Explain that it wasn't until some time later, people started doing crazy things with the cards, some good, some not so good.

Insert Joke: If I could predict the future, don't you think we'd be rich?

Then explain, certainly, playing a card game can be a "waste of time" as well, but it does something for us, doesn't it? Explain that tarot cards do that same thing for you. Nothing more, nothing less.

Then ask him if he truly believes you're "evil" or up to no good.

At best, he'll see your side of things, dispose the notion that they're evil, and maybe even come around to them as just being cards/a hobby.

Maybe at the not so best, he'll think you're still being silly playing with your cards, but I hope the notion of you being evil or doing evil things will not still be there and that he may actually feel a little stupid accusing you of such because of something so "silly".

I would take initial steps like these to speak from his point of view and to try to root out the 'evil' from his entire notion... that would be my advice for now. Before you try to argue your own point of view on anything, you should first disarm the 'nonsense' in the opposing view.

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This is great advice! I had no idea that some people thought the Tarot was evil, goodness me LOL!

The last paragraph is an especially good point. He won't be able to hear anything Dara is telling him while he believes this nonsense that Tarot cards are evil.

Good stuff!

closrapexa said:

I'm not saying I think that, but even if he thinks that the cards are evil, lets not put words in the mouth of someone who isn't even here and assume that he thinks she is evil for using evil things.

Identifying and understanding the other person is very important, in any case, as their misgivings may have some merit.

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All well and good, closrapexa, but the opening statement of the first post is:

I have a partner that is very closed minded to many things...He is a total non-believer, thinks its a waste of my time, and even may be evil.

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Not exactly a picture of someone who sits around watching bunnies hop around in a meadow, IMHO.

empress_woo_woo said:

This is great advice! I had no idea that some people thought the Tarot was evil, goodness me LOL!

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I sincerely hope that was sarcasm, empress_woo_woo !

Thanks everyone for the amazing replies! And thank you to many of you that shared your own experiences. It appears that many people deal with being in the "tarot closet" to some degree. It makes me think of how much of a blessing this forum community is.

My partner doesn't think I'm evil or anything. I think he was just scared of tarot because of media portrayals and social constructs, and not understanding what they are.

Someone said that this discomfortable is my own issue that I need to address, and I do agree. It is important for me to figure out why him looking for more approval when he is more accepting of me than I am of his skeptism. Disa, me saying he "lets" me practice tarot probably came off the wrong. He isn't controlling or would try to control me. He knows he wouldn't be able to even if he tried lol. And he isn't going to burn my decks or try to save me, Tarotbear. He's not that hardcore about thinking the "deck" is evil (again he doesn't think I'm evil. Sorry if my original post was misguiding).

It really is an issue more on my side. Perhaps its just my subconscious desire to talk about tarot more with people around me, and my secret wish to share more with him. Its probably a deeper issue that I'll have to do shadow work with within myself.

Of course, I will also try to talk to him more about this, and hopefully open ourselves more into a better dialogue about this. The analogies some of you mentioned were quite helpful. Comparing it to a unaligned tool like a knife or regular playing cards is great.

However, I do believe its not something I should push on him. I agree with Gregory that tarotistas pushing it onto skeptics like how you mentioned are truly offensive! There are always two extremes and we should be cautious of that. I'm a pretty patience person, so if he is ever going to come around on the matter, I'll let he do it on his own time.

Again Thank You all so much! This was incredibly insightful and helpful.

Dara said:

I have a partner that is very closed minded to many things and I have accepted that about most things. In fact we align very differently politically and what not, which I knew about from the beginning of our relationship.

However when I got into tarot recently, his reaction to it was a bit disheartening. He is a total non-believer, thinks its a waste of my time, and even may be evil. I tried to talk to him about it, telling him that I don't use it to tell the future and only use it to gain insight about the current state of affairs in peoples lives so that we can reflect and guide ourselves. He's still is very skeptically. He hasn't interfered with me learning tarot or anything. He lets me do it because it makes me happy. But I still feel uneasy that he may be judging me.

Has anyone else dealt with skeptic loved ones... family members, close friends, or partners?

I don't think this is an issue that will break us up or anything, but I do want to know how people go about addressing this or if they have advice about this matter.

Thanks y'all.

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My advice is , do what you will ... what is this; 'he lets me do it' thing about ???