Tarot Etiquette

I think people forget that common sense still applies when having, or giving tarot readings.

It is rude to ask the exact same question to a number of readers in the exchange forum, its also boring for readers to read on the same subject.

Also on AT you often recognise that some people are asking the same questions about the same situation for months, often the reader might be a bit too impartial because they have exhcanged too many times.

Rasa said:

To me, it's not about etiquette, but usefulness.

If I ask 3 different readers, and they all give me different answers, how do I decide who to listen to?

To me, part of the way divination works is that I have to -trust- that if I ask a question, the answer is going to manifest. If I'm not planning to listen to the answer, I try not to ask the question.

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It's great that you have that kind of patience and self-control. Trust, is a key factor. I think it's awful for people to spend their money asking the same questions over and over. Instead of buying tarot readings, they could spend the money on doing something recreational or at least worthwhile that would really get their minds off of the obsessions.

magpie9 said:

The readers I share a professional practice with and I have noticed that when the same client comes to each of us with the same question or situation, we all give the same answer. Maybe those clients know a reading is right when they get the same thing from various readers?

It actually makes sense to me. And it seems to be a waste of time and energy to get offended by this behavior. That comes straight from ego, and ego never does a reader any good. If it's what works for them, let them go to 10 readers with the same question. If your reading was right, they'll hear it over and over again from the other readers. If it wasn't, well then it's a really good thing that they checked it out with others.You just can't take this kind of thing personally. People are going to do what they do, and if it's something important in their lives why shouldn't they double check on it? We all know that no reader is 100% accurate all the time.

I've been making a living "telling it like it is" for a long time. Matter of fact, that's what's printed on my cards and my placard. I don't believe that cuts my practice back any. I do believe it cuts down on the population of "reading dependent junkies" that come to me, which is all to the good. I have a higher percentage of intelligent, together, self-motivated independent clients that readers that fluff and sugar coat.
I like that a lot.

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I agree 100% In fact, I find it to be quite trivial to get angry over something like that. Though I must admit I have been on the receiving end of hurt feelings/embarrassment when a client would go to other readers for the same advice.

Amanda_04 said:

Hey Nineveh!

I bet you have some pretty fair, low prices. That's probably why you get all the schmucks who hop from one reader to the next.

Okay, that might be a little harsh to call them schmucks... I'm sure they each have their own reasons...

But something I learned, is that the lower your price is, the more you get reading hoppers.

Heck, I had a girl who asked me for a reading on the house because she was broke. "Sure..." I thought. I don't mind helping people out that are up front with their money issues. But then she asked again. And again. And then, the straw that broke the camel's back was when she sent me the EXACT same message she sent me the first time- like she had it saved on her computer to copy and paste. And then I confirmed with someone else here that also worked on the site, she had asked the same exact questions of them.

I blocked her.

If you want to get sitters who genuinely give a hoot what you say in your readings, price a little higher.

I've said it in some other thread around here:

People value what they pay for.

Maybe it's time to raise your prices a bit.

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Yep, I have one of the lowest prices going. Still, there are people who will spend $60-$80 per call. I also give lots of free minutes. And, like you, I had a client who would constantly ask for free minutes. He actually never paid for a call. Someone told him I give out free minutes and he emailed me for some. When I realized he was only calling on free minutes I just stopped sending them to him. I think I read for him three times.

tarotreader2007 said:

I rarely think anything is for sure with anything prediction-wise, especially once you tell someone, they will act differently if they are confronted with what they believe is confirmation or difference in belief and perspective. I will give the strength that I believe how "sure" a prediction is to happen. Although I believe in a sense of providence, I don't absolutely believe it either and that's where decisions and perspectives come into play. Often times if you want to understand how the information from a reading will affect someone and the outcome originally predicted, you may need to do another reading lol

In regards to people consistently asking the same questions of different or the same reader, I tend to find it a bit insulting for a couple reasons. Personally, it's insulting not only because people like this will want to hear what they want from a reader, but also those querents, as I take it (in the context of free readings like on here), say something like, "Well this is a free reading and so therefore has no price (worthless) so let's ask questions and treat it as though it is worthless." Just because I am offering a free reading doesn't mean I'll put in worthless amounts of energy into it. My time and energy that I put into readings I believe is not reciprocated from most sitters who match such criteria and so do not like reading for their "issues" because most of them, IMO, are pretty menial. There's a difference between using the tarot to get advice and gain a different perspective, but to use it as a way to try and be omniscient of one's own life sans experiencing it, I find is self-deprecating. And the worst is perhaps the questions that are asked out of boredom as though the reader has nothing better to do than to just be a source of entertainment...whew, sorry for that mini rant! I had it stored up somewhere and it kind of just blew on out of me!

Peace and Love,

tarotreader2007

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I agree with much of what you've stated. Reading definitely pulls A LOT of energy out of me. For that reason, I have reduced my hours significantly with the website that I work for. In response to your opinion of sitters who ask for readings out of "boredom", the option of ignoring those people is always available. Afterall, you've stated that you don't think anything is for certain prediction wise and maybe they feel the same way. Perhaps for some receiving readings have become entertainment as you've stated. Nonethless, I think with tarot, you will find that a lot of sitters are obsessed. When things don't happen as fast as they would like them to, they ask over and over again... I would encourage the person to seek help or take up a hobby to soothe his or her own mind.

olivia1 said:

I'm pretty laid back. The only way I personally would see someone wanting a 2nd opinion as being rude is if the person went to someone else then turned around and told me I was wrong because person B saw something else in the cards.

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LOL!!!

Hi Olivia! I haven't seen your screen name in a while. I agree that would be borderline belligerent.

I think when people ask for a reading, get the reading then ask the same question of others immediately after are showing a few things:

1) they have no understanding of their own personal empowerment and may well be seeking to hear what they want to hear, regardless of how many times it takes. Not good IMO
2) They have given no value or appreciation to the time and effort put into the reading.
3) They see it as a form of entertainment and something different to partake in to pass the time. Links in with 2) really.

I think in the main if it is a paid for reading they are less likely to do this as it would be too costly and pretty pointless. I do readings on an internet spiritual forum, and we have had to put rules up of no more than two readings per month to counter this. It got really out of hand and we had to stop readers being used and abused in this way. I recall one lady in particular was the worst. I gave her a few tarot readings, and 3 minutes (yes 3 minutes) after leaving acknowledgment of her final reading she made a request on the runes section asking for a reading, and at the time I was the only rune reader. I was not happy and refused the reading. She got more than uppity and left the forum in a huff.

This I think is different to someone just getting a second opinion by going to a second reader. I can understand that at times and wouldn't have a problem with it, but when that then leads to a 3rd, 4th, and 5th time in short succession, particularly when it is a free service I think it totally undermines the effort each of those readers is putting in.
I also think (perhaps unfairly) it is a reflection of modern society. I rarely see appreciation of what is offered and given and have seen nieces and nephews growing up with everything they want offered on a plate. Maybe it is me showing my age here..lol, but I was bought up to appreciate things a lot more and even remember writing thank you notes at christmas time for presents. I really do think back then we were more aware of what we had and what was offered, and the cost or effort behind it.

However, I also do not see the point in getting angry or upset when it happens, as it just lowers your own energy/vibration. If someone does do this I can either:
Ignore it and carry on doing readings in which case they run the risk of being time consuming and ultimately worthless.
Ignore it and mutter away under my breath with not nice thoughts.
Gently point out to them how I feel and why.

By doing the latter it may make them realise they had just not been considering the matter rationally or they may go off in a huff like the lady did I talked about. It will be their call, but at the end of this I would still be able to retain dignity and know I acted within my own personal code of ethics. If they failed to take on board the guidance, and continued to badger me for further readings I can always use that simple but difficult word of 'NO'. Believe me I have used it and don't feel bad about it. Spirit have given me this gift to work with, but that does not mean I have to be drained and taken advantage of by those who place no value on what I offer. I am human, and therefore do not have endless reserves of spiritual energy to give out willy nilly.

My beef on the forum I mentioned has been the times where I have spent an hour typing up a reading and posting it to them, only to then have absolutely no acknowledgement - even after a gentle reminder a week later. I have chosen not to do readings for these people again, and other readers have decided to not do readings either until such time they have acknowledged me. (We are quite a tight knit group and back each other up if we feel something isn't right). Some may see this as wrong on my part. I accept that, and will respect that. However, I cannot just be part of bad manners, and condone it by doing other readings for them. It just strikes me as an abuse of my time and willingness to help. I am not a feedback junkie and do not do my readings EXPECTING anything in return. It is a free service I have offered for 6 years on this site, and I believe I am doing something by way of voluntary service to help others. All I ask for is acknowledgement of what I have done.

I'm in the minority here, but being someone who asks the same question to other readers, as well as has it happen to her when she gives out readings to others, I must say, it doesn't bother me at all. I don't think it's rude, nor do I think it's annoying when people do it to me.

Why?

Well, first of all, this is a forum that is mostly meant for learning purposes. I could see how the more "seasoned" readers would become perturbed by "newbie" readers asking the same questions over and over again, however, if you look at the Reading Exchange-type threads, they tend to stay away from there. And if they do pop in, it's very rarely.

So if I see someone asking me the same question they just asked Reader #2 one hour ago, I don't assume they're just "looking for an answer to please them." When I ask the same question over to someone else, it is for learning purposes. I'm learning three valuable things when I do this:

1. Probability: Do the cards that showed up for Reader #1's parallel those that are going to show up for Reader #2 and #3's reads? If I see a trend in the cards, it gives me a little more insight to the serendipity of tarot and this thing called psychic phenomenon. It's a mini-science experiment, if you will.

2. Skill/Art Form: Assuming all 3 readers get the same or similar cards, how is their interpretation of them? This is what I find most interesting, because when I play on the Games threads, I see repeated cards show up, however the interpretations tend to vary greatly. This is where I tend to draw my own conclusions based on the cards and my own familiarity with the cards and their meanings, as well as my own intuition.

3. Intuition: And just because 3 readers may say one thing and the cards may say one thing, you know what? I still do a reading for myself! Yes! I am that nutty! And when I do do that, I try to really listen to my own intuition and use any precognitive abilities in order to see if what *I* feel is what is actually reflected in everyone else's cards. So, it's just another great exercise to use in order to strengthen my own abilities.


Therefore, I know there are probably a heap of people on this board that when they see the handle "MantraTarot" they do a lil' of this and a bit of this , especially if they just read a question for me. However, I never mean it as a "diss" to them, or that I don't believe them. It's merely because I'm still a newbie with this entire "tarot" thing. I'm sure there are readers on here who are GLAD they got a second reading after getting a reading from me, b/c I may have been totally off since I am still relatively new to this. I want them to get a really good reading, and if I didn't provide it for them, I don't want to be the one who got their hopes up or made them feel depressed b/c I saw "bad" news. I am happy that they went and asked someone else. And if my reading coincided with the other persons'? Well, it helps me to gain more confidence in my own reading abilities!

Anyway... so... I'm constantly learning and I don't believe the learning will ever stop to tell you the truth. And does some of the "OCD" reading requests have to do with anxiety or depression or whatever? Sure! Sometimes you just want to make sure that that good news really *is* good news. It keeps some of us going.

So, anyway, I just feel bad there are so many readers that tend to get upset when they see someone "wasting" their time or "doubting" their readings. I know I've probably been guilty of that at some point, but it was never meant maliciously. So many apologies if I have ever unwittingly offended anyone by asking the same question X-# of times. But in all honesty it has nothing to do with *you* as a reader or even *me* as a sitter. 75% of it really has to do with learning-- at least for me.

MantraTarot, I think you are doing this with a view to learning, and as such it is your way of learning. I really do not see a problem with that, and my response was in general, not aimed at members here who are learning. Heck the last thing I would want to do is scare newbies off. We have all been there, and I see it a responsibility for us who have a few years to be supportive, not scarey or judgemental. Please understand that. I guess I was referring to experiences over the last 15 years in general, not aimed specifically at experiences here at AT

And I am a good egg honest - I rarely get out of my pram

shadowdancer said:

MantraTarot, I think you are doing this with a view to learning, and as such it is your way of learning. I really do not see a problem with that, and my response was in general, not aimed at members here who are learning. Heck the last thing I would want to do is scare newbies off. We have all been there, and I see it a responsibility for us who have a few years to be supportive, not scarey or judgemental. Please understand that. I guess I was referring to experiences over the last 15 years in general, not aimed specifically at experiences here at AT

And I am a good egg honest - I rarely get out of my pram

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I honestly wasn't directing anything towards you-- I really just read the 1st post and skimmed over some words with the other posts. I totally understand how frustrating it can be. Like I said, some of it is due to emotional problems which I am guilty of myself. I tend to be a bit neurotic and depressed, so the readings can help me to cheer up. And I can see how that can be draining to other readers. But most of the time? It's honestly just to learn. But I'm speaking just for me-- I don't know about everyone else who is guilty of it. All I know is I practically live on this board and probably drive a lot of people crazy (I was actually talking about that to someone this morning! ) asking for readings so much, but I just wanted to put out my reasoning as to why I do it so maybe the next time it happens, the reader doesn't take it too personally and get their feelings hurt.