I am not telling people what they should say or not, everyone is free to do what they want...all I am saying is that there should be a free dialogue... I mean we are supposed to learn from each other and help each other...am I wrong??
I find that words/phrases like "should" and "supposed to" don't always work out well when applied to other people. Yes, people should do this, that, and the other thing... but they often don't. In fact, what people should do can be a matter of disagreement.
Mark says I should do A, Rick says I should do B; I don't want to either; what should I do? I think Mark shouldn't do C, I've asked him not to, but he does it anyway... and I really hate how Mark acts towards Rick. It's unfair to poor Rick, who surely is suffering under Mark's treatment.
Do you see all the assumptions here? I'm assuming that I need to pay attention to what Mark and Rick say I should do; I'm assuming that I "should" do something other than what I'm already doing; I'm assuming that my telling Mark not to do something is reason enough for him to stop doing it, and that I know better than Mark what Mark should do; I'm assuming that poor Rick is suffering under Mark's treatment, when I don't really know that that's the case. I might suffer under similar treatment, but I am not Rick; perhaps Rick reacts differently. I'm assuming that Rick needs me to defend him. Maybe he doesn't want me defending him; maybe he's happy with things as they are or has other reasons for putting up with Mark that I'm not aware of.
In this scenario, I'm in everybody else's heads to such an extent that I'm not in my own head. I'm assuming that my "should" is everyone else's "should."
You may want a dialogue to go a certain way, but unfortunately there are two people involved in a dialogue, and the other person may not want what you want. So when you say that something should happen a certain way, in the end that doesn't have much meaning. If it's not going that way, and a gentle suggestion to make it go that way doesn't work, then you pretty much have to accept that that particular dialogue with that particular person is not going to go the way you want it to, and you have the choice of either continuing with the dialogue or leaving it. (You can substitute "relationship" for "dialogue" and it's just as true.)
The only person you really have any control over is yourself. That's why I said in my first post in this thread that I'm much happier now, because I focus on my words and my actions, rather than being the world's policeman and telling other people what they should be doing. If my goal were to influence people to act as I want them to, then I would have a better chance of doing that by setting a positive example with my own words and actions than by trying to impose my will on them.
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