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Teheuti  Teheuti is offline
Join Date: 24 Aug 2003
Location: Northern California
Posts: 5,539

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Dave - Thank you for passing on my comments. You've done a stupendous job with this study group. And thanks everyone for all the appreciative comments about my books. Okay, coyoteblack, who were you at Readers Studio? I think I remember, but am having a hard time putting a specific name and face to you (you can PM me if you want).

It only seems fair at this point that I come out of hiding - really I only look in occasionally on the study group as I've been busy. And, as Dave said, I really don't want to cramp your style. You don't have to do things the same way I would. I discover a lot just by observing your variations. But, I do think this point regarding Fears is important.

Whipsilk - your rewriting of the Fears position makes much more sense to me. Does it work better for you? I really liked how you ended it with a question:
What do these fears tell you about your comfort level in buying this house?
This opens up all kinds of possibilities and leads to looking to other cards to see where there is support for the person's concerns (or not).

This reminds me of when my then-husband and I came home one night to find his 12 year old daughter under the dining room table. She'd come home an hour before us and was terrified. He started to tell her how silly it was to be scared - giving lots of reasons why she shouldn't be. I stepped in and said the fact was that she was scared - her feelings were real and there was nothing wrong with them. Now, what could we do about it? The three of us sat down and brainstormed several things she could do if she was ever home alone at night again. I kept coming back to asking what would help her feel safe and secure. It ended up being a really deep and meaningful discussion where her needs were respected. Interestingly, I don't recall her ever being scared like that again.

My point is that it is much more powerful to first just acknowledge the situation as it is - with no judgements about it - simply a witnessing. You can't believe how often people thank me for just seeing what they are going through. After that you can begin to look for options - in this case in the cards in other positions.

One of my big rules (to myself) is "I don't have to fix anything!" Sure, I often break the rule, but I make myself stop, look and listen first to "what is".

Forgive the rant, but it seemed worth doing.

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