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Join Date: 07 Apr 2010
Location: Philadelphia, PA, USA
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21 Ways - Step Three


Step THREE - Dark Carnival Tarot, The Hierophant

3-1. The Ringmaster is supremely confident, and he loves being in the spotlight: look at the size of that grin! He's in charge of the whole show even though he doesn't perform in any of the acts. He's above all that; he likes being in the center ring the whole time, not confined to a single performance. He's in control and he LOVES it. The clown on the left is full of admiration, he almost seems to worship the ringmaster, and feels a distant sense of longing to be in that position one day. He's almost too humble right now - "I'm not worthy to touch your coat" - but his gaze is directed upward; his aim is high, his goal is distant but not impossible. The clown on the right is definitely not feeling it. His eyes are closed, he's only put on half his makeup, he's escaped into the soothing narcotics of a cigarette, and he doesn't care that his smoke is getting in everyone else's eyes. Maybe he's bored, or maybe he's putting on a show of boredom - or he's intimidated. I wouldn't really want to be looking too closely at the ringmaster myself.

CONFIDENCE and SATISFACTION. ADMIRATION and ASPIRATION. INDIFFERENCE and SEPARATION.

3-2. Ugh. I don't want to be here right now. I don't belong here. Okay, so I arrived late, they could've given me a little more time to get my makeup on and finish my cigarette. I'm not ready, I'm not in my zone, and seriously? This ringmaster is one creepy dude. I can't stand when he pokes those long nails in my face; I'd rather keep my eyes closed and miss my cue than get stabbed in the eye! He's dangerous, a loose cannon...he'd do anything for applause. I don't trust him. And I don't know what's up with Mr. Smiley over there. Dude, you need more than those big blue eyes and that brown-nosing grin to move up in this world. Also? It's not like the ringmaster's coat is Angel's Tears Clean Only. You can touch it, it's not like you'll get it any dirtier than three hours' worth of performance sweat. He's not perfect and you're not pathetic...well, right NOW you are. But you don't have to be. Chill out. It's not life or death. It's just a circus.

3-3. I totally wasn't ready for the film school graduate program. I should've taken more time, worked in the industry, gotten some experience under my belt - everyone else was way ahead of me. I was just too intimidated to approach anyone, get any advice, or really learn anything. And the equipment guy! We couldn't do anything without proving to him that we knew how to use the cameras and editing equipment, and he was just such a unpleasant person. He glared from behind his little window, with the vast array of equipment behind him, and never smiled and never said anything nice to anyone. I couldn't deal with him. It was easier not to do anything than to approach him and try to prove myself. I really got into a bad spiral where I didn't know what I was doing with my life and was jealous of everyone who seemed to find everything so much easier. Why couldn't I be like that? I eventually gave up, dropped out of school, and got a job doing something else entirely. Did I miss an opportunity because I couldn't handle one person who scared me? Yeah, pretty much. On the other hand, I have a perfectly good life on the other side...it felt like the most important thing in the world at the time, but I'm not looking back anymore.
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