meginmd said:
My attitude isn't as bad as it comes across here.
I've had too many disappointments to ever fully trust in love again.
It looks (to me anyway) that the only way I'll ever find what I'm looking for is if I basically change my entire life in terms of spirituality, etc...
Like I said...I'd rather know that the person I am now will never find love then be loved for being someone else entirely.
I can only offer you my opinions, but here is something you need to answer for yourself. If you have had too many disappointments in love to ever trust fully again...any good relationship has at its very basis a good communication and trust. That to me is a given. You can't get truly close without both those things. What I think yuo need to know inside yourself is if you sure that you could
more happy holding back your heart and not having that fully loving relationship or if you could be happier if you were in a wonderful loving relationship.
One other thing that I will add for you to think on and then do with as you will...The you that is trusting IS the real you, the being unwilling to trust is a defense but it is not the real you. We are born loving and trusting others, we are born as our true selves. Then sometimes we close up in pain. Reactions we have to pain are not the real us, as I have learnt it and fully believe, they can become reflexive because they feel familiar because we have folowed them, but the real us is is the us we were born...before life hurt us. To me the effort is to get back to that wisdom, to our true selves.
I don't know if this will help, but I will add it in just in case. I've had horrendous experiences with men in the past, including a very violent marriage that ended after an attemped murder. (him trying to kill me, and coming darn close to it too, I meant). I can tell you trust for men did not come easily to me either, to say the least.
That was 20 years ago, and I still believe that trust is the only path to a happy relationship, and I am now happily working to get back to who I was when I was a trusting person, to the real me. I am reading lots of books on that even now and books too on unconditional love.
I hope I said somethign useful to you in here,
Babs