Can this Mars Retrograde mess be repaired?

Hi everybody,
I have a question concerning the Mars retrograde, that we'll be out of soon, but for me, not soon enough.

I admit, Astrology is my weakest point.
I have been wondering why there's been so much lack of forward motion. Especially in a relationship which is of long standing, seemingly moved to the "next phase" on Dec 20, 2009, but has lost considerable steam and energy, and in very frustrating ways.

I knew nothing about the Mars retrograde. Until today. As I said, Astrology is my weak point. I understand Mercury retrograde, but not Mars, or any of the others, so you can imagine my surprise when I noticed in my day planner that the symbol for Mars had a capital "D" after it, for March 10. I looked it up, and woe to me, all the effects I've been feeling lately were described in doomful detail.

Here's the scoop: Plans are in the works to "actualise" this relationship. Currently it's LDR, but that was supposed to change. I was supposed to be moving, hitting the road at the end of April and arriving at my destination May 1 ( 2010). I say supposed to, because all sorts of weird snags and strange delays have occurred, and now I'm getting the distinct impression that this whole things might be going....nowhere.

So this is my question: Do extant relationships survive Mars retrogrades if plans to move them forward are made, or will the plans regain their vigour after Mars stations on the 10th, and things start moving forward again? Will everything just fizzle, and I'll be left with a handful of the dust of dead dreams, and single twice over? (I left an unsatisfactory marriage to be with this man.) Or can we salvage our plan, and get on with our together-ness?

And how do I repair the damage done to the relationship due to impatience, frustration, and building internal anger that things aren't "On the go as planned"? It seems as if he's been dragging his feet, and malingering. I've been affected negatively by this, I'm reconsidering the whole thing now too, but I don't want to. What the hay? What is this strange Mars Retro beast?

I asked him if he's having second thoughts about all of this, that was 2 weeks ago, he gave me an unequivocal "No". But now there's all this wimpy weirdness. We'll both be experiencing major changes in our lives to be together, but now it seems to me like he's chickening out. I've also done some personal backsliding in the area of coping strategies, and there's a general sense of both of us "running away from issues" in the ways we used to find effective, but now only botch things up even more.

And during this time he's started on some nasty anti-depressants, which aren't working to stop his depression, it's actually made it worse, and also...there's an unwelcome "side effect" concerning libido, which is tantamount to chemical castration.

Can anyone offer me some advice, or suggestions to assist me in dealing with this?
Our natal signs:
He, Gemini. Me, Scorpio.
If anyone wants more detail than this, I can offer that information in PM. Thanks, I appreciate.

The short answer to your question is : YES, extant relationships can and do survive Mars going retrograde, otherwise the divorce rate and split up rate would be horrendous, with no relationship lasting more than a couple of years.

Of course there are splits and divorces but even at worst, Mars would play a relatively small role - there would already be some predisposition to break up.

It's very difficult to be more precise, as we don't have any birth details and even with them there's a large workload for anyone going down the synastry route. An easier route would be to ask a horary question - similar to asking a tarot question - and using that to answer your worries. Given your worries about Mars, I'd leave that for a few days at least, even if you decide to go down that route.

Thanks Minderwiz,

This whole thing's been making me nervous because there are a lot of issues concerning all this. Yesterday we spoke, and now the plan is that I move up my departure and anticipate leaving here on March 28, which is a month earlier than the original departure date.
I just don't want this whole thing to turn into a disaster.

The more I think about this, the more it seems to me that Mars isn't really the main issue here, your concerns are more concerned with the relationship and your joint plans to progress it. A horary reading seems the best route from an Astrological perspective. The important thing is to think carefully about what your 'real' question actually is, as the main problem with horaries is not asking the question that really is the one at the core of concern, for example there is a real difference between 'Does he love me?' and 'Will he marry me?', or even 'Will our wedding ceremony go smoothly?'

In the vast majority of cases it's probable that the answer to all three is 'Yes' but if you think about it it is not necessarily the case that 'Yes' to one entails 'Yes' to the others (or indeed any other relationship question). Work out the question that you really want answering and then we'll try a horary.

I know that this is off subject a bit, but I am SOOOO happy that Mars is finally direct!!! I COULD NOT be happier!

starseer said:

I know that this is off subject a bit, but I am SOOOO happy that Mars is finally direct!!! I COULD NOT be happier!

Click to expand...

So with Mars direct should things that were kinda stuck get moving now?

Minderwiz said:

The more I think about this, the more it seems to me that Mars isn't really the main issue here, your concerns are more concerned with the relationship and your joint plans to progress it. A horary reading seems the best route from an Astrological perspective. The important thing is to think carefully about what your 'real' question actually is, as the main problem with horaries is not asking the question that really is the one at the core of concern, for example there is a real difference between 'Does he love me?' and 'Will he marry me?', or even 'Will our wedding ceremony go smoothly?'

In the vast majority of cases it's probable that the answer to all three is 'Yes' but if you think about it it is not necessarily the case that 'Yes' to one entails 'Yes' to the others (or indeed any other relationship question). Work out the question that you really want answering and then we'll try a horary.

Click to expand...

The real question...there's the rub. I have so many, actually. It's not improbable that the questions I have rummaging around in my mind answer themselves, and perhaps I'm reluctant to look at the truth of what I'm seeing.
If I were to toss out a peremptory question, it would be- "What important details are being concealed from me about the nature of this relationship, and his true motives concerning me?"
If that's not the best sort of question to ask for a horary, I can amend it.

Ler me just check that I understand and have the importance of your question by paraphrasing:

Is he concealing anything, both in terms of details and motives, about the relationship?

If that is a fair summary which does not distort your question then I'll cast a chart for the moment that you reply 'Yes' (To be completely sure please include the local time, giving any time zone, at the time that you post). Whilst I'll cast the chart for the moment I read and understand the question, knowing when you asked helps.

If I am oversimplifying or have missed an important element to what you need to know then please correct the question as I have phrased it. When I'm satisfied that I understand your question I'll cast the chart.

Minderwiz said:

Ler me just check that I understand and have the importance of your question by paraphrasing:

Is he concealing anything, both in terms of details and motives, about the relationship?

If that is a fair summary which does not distort your question then I'll cast a chart for the moment that you reply 'Yes' (To be completely sure please include the local time, giving any time zone, at the time that you post). Whilst I'll cast the chart for the moment I read and understand the question, knowing when you asked helps.

If I am oversimplifying or have missed an important element to what you need to know then please correct the question as I have phrased it. When I'm satisfied that I understand your question I'll cast the chart.

Click to expand...

Yes. I'd like to determine his true motives concerning me, and this relationship. I know what he's said, and I'd like to believe him wholeheartedly, but I'm an old bird now, the wide eyed ingenue has learned to look a bit deeper when someone professes undying love. Especially when we both have some baggage. He is also planning on leaving an unhappy marriage to be with me. Which is where the problem comes in. He has issues in his situation which simply didn't exist in mine. I have a much easier time of picking up and going. In his case, there's a child involved. This is why I'm concerned about concealment of details and motivation. So, Yes, that's a fair summary of my question, because if he's not being truthful to me about how he really feels about me, and the relationship, it'll all come out in the chart I think. And the wash, but I'm hoping to avoid that.

Yes:Saturday, 13 March 4:38 PM Eastern Standard Time,(where I am) which equals 1:38 PM Pacific, (where he is) USA.

Thanks, Minderwiz, I do appreciate. Is there anything I can exchange to you for this? I'd be very happy to give a tarot reading in return if you'd like.

The Horary

I've cast the chart (see attachment). It is cast for my own location (Standish in England) and for the time I understood the question (much helped by your information about the child). The chart uses Regiomontanus cusps (as used by most Horary Astrologers).

Comments:

You, as querent take the the first house, and as this is located in Gemini, you are signified by its ruler Mercury.with the Moon as co-significator (standard practice in horaries). The Ascendant at 26 degrees 28 minutes is late in the sign - indicating that you have left things late here, almost too late.

He is signified by Lord 7, which with Sagittarius on the cusp is Jupiter.

If we look at the Chart we can see that Mercury (you) is in the eleventh House in Pisces (the sign of Jupiter) so we can conclude that you love him (or at the very least are interested in making the relationship work). Mercury is conjunct the Sun and this would usually rob it of much of its power to act, however it is actually within 7 minutes of the Sun and this is a position of great power (called Cazimi). The eleventh is a good house placement and Mercury squares the Ascendant (which is much better than no contact at all), Lastly it is swift in motion (also very positive). on the downside, Mercury is in the sign of it's own detriment and is peregrine (has no other essential dignity). Although you are well placed in the situation, you don't seem to have an awful lot of power to act, you may simply be swept along, if you do not use the situational power to take a long hard look.

Let's look at him. Jupiter is in Pisces (it's own sign) He has a lot of essential dignity, he is also placed within the tenth House, but virtually on the cusp of the eleventh and most Astrologers would consider him eleventh house. This is not a bad position. Jupiter is also oriental of the Sun and therefore strengthened (as it is falling behind the Sun in the zodiac and so moving away from combustion). Jupiter is also in a closing conjunction with the Moon (your other significator). He appears to be an honest and decent man. However your question is has he other motives/interests besides you.

Jupiter is in none of the dignities of Mercury - that would suggest that at this moment his interest is not primarily (or even at all?) concerned with you.

You mentioned a child that is involved on his side. The eleventh house is the fifth house from the seventh - it is the house of his child. He sits on the eleventh cusp.

I looked for a planet to signify the child in order to see what it's role is. As the eleventh cusp is in Pisces, Jupiter would be the obvious choice. However I have assigned Jupiter to him. The next step would be to look at the Almuten (planet with the most essential dignity) of the eleventh cusp. The answer is Jupiter again. So the next step is to look for any planets in the eleventh. There are three. Mercury (which is your significator), The Sun and Venus. The Sun and Mercury are conjoined (and as you are not physically with his child, that rules out the Sun). That leaves Venus.

Lets then use Venus as the significator of the child. Venus is Aries but that is not important here - Venus is exalted in Pisces (the sign of the eleventh cusp) So Jupiter, on the cusp is in the exaltation of Venus. Using the essential dignities we can begin to construct his motives and interests:

Rulership - Jupiter (himself)
Exaltation - Venus (the child)
Triplicity - Mars and Venus by day (Child again)
Terms - Jupiter (himself)
Face - Jupiter (himself)

So his concerns and interests at the moment are for himself and the child. Perhaps even worse, Pisces is the detriment of Mercury - if you take him away from the child at this time, he will end up hating you for it. Perhaps that will take some time to come through but it is very likely to happen.

Looking at the chart we can see that as Mercury is further on in the zodiac than Jupiter (it is in a higher degree of Pisces) and Mercury is a faster planet, we get the picture that you are actually moving away from him - I think that mirrors the concerns you have expressed.

Is there a future for the relationship? One possibility might have been the position of the Moon. The Moon will conjoin Jupiter as it's next aspect and it will then move on towards the next planet in line, which is Mercury. If it reaches Mercuy before making an aspect to another planet it will 'translate' the light and the relationship will be succesfully concluded. However by the time the Moon has passed Jupiter, Mercury will have moved beyond the Sun and the Sun will prohibit that translation.

What should you do?

If this relationship is ever to work the issue of the child must be settled clearly and he must be happy and content with it. You have little time left but if you can (and you may not be able to help yourself) delay things till the issue of the child is sorted.

He seems a decent man and you may well have a future together but don't allow the child to come between you. I would guess that if he were forced to choose between you now, he will choose the child, especially if your planned new home is a significant distance away.

Help him or simply allow him to get that sorted and then perhaps the relationship can prosper.

Just one question, how influential or powerful is his mother or is his job (assuming he might have to give that up to relocate)? The Sun is the fourth house ruler (your home and family) but his tenth (career and mother). From what you say I don't see your 'side' causing a problem but his might.

Edited to add:

If it were not for your information relating to the child, I might well have suspected another woman (5th House is also the house of Romance) but given Jupiter's dignity the child seems to make more sense here.