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Question Gay Men and Age/Aging


Hi, Its my first post so forgive me if its not the appropriate forum to ask this question. I have had a gay man ask me for a spread to do with the aging process. He is happy as a gay man, but does not like the process of getting older. "Wrinkles and sags!" I have searched for advice or spreads on the main forum, but cant find any spreads to help with this.

Can anyone (a) point to a spread (b) if there isnt one, can you advise how to approach this. From talking to him, I feel it is the process, and the visible results, not the inner self he's discontent with. (Though some inner discontentment must play a part, else 'aging gracefully' would be fine with him.) ;-)

Any help and advice on how to help would be gratefully recieved

Robin
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I'm sorry, but I don't understand his question. Does he want to know about, surgery, Botox, what others will view him as, or just what does he want to know?
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Smile


Hi BS6Robin,

I just need some clarification. What was the question specifically?

Elven x
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Question Gay Men and Age/Aging


Hi, thanks for the responses. Sorry, I should have thought more before posting. His issue is trying to find acceptance about the aging process, and its results, the wrinkles and sags. His question was along the line of 'Why can't I accept aging, the visible outer changes to my body when I feel younger inside?' To this man, his inner and outer self are disconnected and he wants to know why.

Does this clarify sufficently?

Robin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BS6Robin
Hi, thanks for the responses. Sorry, I should have thought more before posting. His issue is trying to find acceptance about the aging process, and its results, the wrinkles and sags. His question was along the line of 'Why can't I accept aging, the visible outer changes to my body when I feel younger inside?' To this man, his inner and outer self are disconnected and he wants to know why.

Does this clarify sufficently?

Robin

Thanks Robin!
I dont know if this would be any help or not but it might be a starting point.
Here is the spread I came up with. I havent tried this, but maybe you could change the questions to suit the issues and situation.


P 1: The Querant - Main issue regarding the situation.
P 2: How do I percieve myself or How does the querant percieve himself - opinions relating to the self
P 3: How do others percieve me or How is the querant percieved by others - others opinions and their bearing on the situation.
P 4: The internal conflict relates to - what needs to be acknowledged
P 5: The current external issues relate to - what need to be aware of
P 6: Intergration - What will help me blend these two conflicts
P 7: Resolution - Conclusions about the situation / outcome / action

**********************
***********P6**********
*****P4***********P5***
***********P7**********
*****P2***********P3***
**********************
***********p1*********


or a simple 3 card spread -
Try Majors only for a variation.
Use a signifying card if you wish

P1: Internal Conflict
P2: External Conflict
P3: Intergration - release

*******SIG**********
*******************
**P1****P3****P2****
********************

Let us know how it goes. Best luck
Blessings
Elven x
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Smile Thanks for the spread, Elven :-)


Thanks Elven, I appreciate the time you took to put the spread together for me. I undertook the full spread and drew the following cards. It worked tremendously well. The person concerned is reflecting on the spread and its messages. Forgive me, I dont know the convention, so I reproduce the questions and the cards drawn from the Gay Tarot by Lee Bursten.

Card 1 (P 1) The Querent - Main issue regarding the situation.
Cups - Man - An emotional adventurer. Tendency to want to emotionally rescue others. Drawn to emotional crises .

Card 2 (P 2) How does the Querent perceive himself - opinions relating to the self.
Major Arcana - XVIII. The Moon. Sexuality pulls us into a different, non rational world which is sometimes frightening, always creative. A sense of mystery. Creative ideas which gestate in the subconscious. Sexuality or sex.

Card 3 (P 3) How is the Querent perceived by others - others opinions and their bearing on the situation.
Swords - 2 - Meditation. Closing your eyes to outer circumstances in order to gain perspective or to avoid a decision. Refusing to act.

Card 4 (P 4) The internal conflict relates to - what needs to be acknowledged
Wands - 3 - Leaving the Nest. Seeing progress. Something or someone you have nurtured must now strike out on their own.

Card 5 (P 5) The current external issues relate to - what is the need to be aware of?
Cups - 9 - Serendipity. Satisfaction. Everything is going well

Card 6 (P 6) Integration - What will help me blend these two conflicts
Wands - Man - Someone who likes to fix problems, and/or who thrives on unstable or dangerous situations. "The Establishment". Keeping the peace.

Card 7 (P 7) Resolution - Conclusions about the situation / outcome / action
Coins - 5 - Hard Times. Material difficulties. Lack of money. People in adversity helping each other.

Many thanks once again.

Robin
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Can't really offer him anything but advice and my empathy.

In two weeks I am going to be 50. I'm gay and call myself a bear (see thread on Tarotbear's name if you are interested). I don't know how old your friend is, but he is going through malepause, and the gay world is heavily to blame.

In a culture that seeks eternal youth, expects eternal youth, and searches for eternal youth as the ideal way to look/act/behave, aging gay men have no one to relate to. Magazines tell us that 'the look' we must have is thin, thin, thin sufer bodies with eternal suntans and bottle-faggot-blonde hair. It is hard to find a positive older gay male image anywhere. Old queens are the grist of Hollywood laugh mills - always guys who look like Don Knots in 'Three's Company,' with swishy ascots, finger rings, and wear white plastic shoes after Labor Day. This is NOT a positive image for anyone searching for a mature gay male image.

I appreciate the fact the Lee's Gay Tarot has many images of older gay men doing things that older men do, such as garden or yard work. These are very positive images. Sure - I say it at least three times every day - AGING SUCKS! I have arthritic hands, a bad knee, and problems walking for long periods without sitting. I'm also balding, and what hair I have is going gray ~~~BFD! {Big Hairy Deal} Stop looking for the Fountain of Eternal Youth. Maturity is it's own reward. Stop looking for your lost youth - he's there inside you.
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Another thing is that gay people don't get to start out being gay. We are raised believing we will be straight, date members of the opposite sex, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after. When a gay kid starts realizing they are gay, they have a whole other set of things to deal with that straight kids don't. In a sense, we have to start all over. Some people get married and have kids before realizing who they are. But I think even with people who know earlier on, we still "lose time". So I can understand a gay man reaching a certain age and thinking "how did this happen?".
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Yes, visionquest, but gay culture on the whole does not embrace aging. One wonders what all those 20 year-old surfer twinkies are going to do thirty years from now when they have no choice but to turn 50. There is no 'GayAARP' {GARRP? LOL!}, no magazines for older gay men, no movies, etc. Young people coming out have many more positive icons and heros than we ever did.

Hey! I never thought I'd see civil unions in my lifetime, but Connecticut just passed a law allowing civil unions for same-sex couples. Too bad it will take another 25 years for it to be 'acceptable' to the general public.

'Bears' get listed as 'a gay male sub-culture.' Sub-culture? Does that mean we really don't exist? Is this a positive statement to be making? At least bears have magazines and movies where we can see other men who are like us; other than Chirion - a mag for older daddy-types ... where is the magazine/movie/TV show character for aging gay men? There isn't one.
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Friendly moderator note..

Whilst I understand how a discussion has come about regarding this subject, I have to remind all that this is the 'Tarot Spreads' forum. I have decided to leave the posts as they are in order to assist Robin with his reading and his client, but please leave it there unless discussing the spread, or another Spread which could cover this topic.

Thanks
Moonbow*
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