Cards that traumatize you

I have picked the mother card in my Magical Mermaids deck, 2 days in a row after feeling totally traumatized by mother's day. It just keeps ripping open my wounds that haven't even closed yet. A friend tried to help me think about all the things that she thought maybe I should be attending to and that just further traumatized me.

I threw the deck across the room. I had stopped using this deck and almost gave it away. I don't like how it shuffles. I wish I hadn't pulled it back out, but it was a gift.

My friend said to hold my mom in the light. I told her I'd rather light the card on fire right now.

I don't want to get into a mother discussion. Just wondering what you all do if a deck is ripping your heart to shreds.

You seem to have some unresolved issues that your deck is telling you to work on.

What have you been doing to heal yourself?

There are other women out there who can "mother" us, if our own mothers are unavailable or unhealthy. I have an elderly friend who walks the shamanic path who is dear to me. The card may also be telling you to "mother" or nurture yourself; truly, as adults, we are the only ones who can know our own needs.

I think that you have a very special relationship with that Deck. If it gives you such strong emotions, it's trying to tell you something, maybe even something you don't want to hear. The fact that you didn't give it away, or light it on fire, tells me, that you already know that. Try to listen, when you feel better. Next time , it might give you positive emotions!

I keep reading your post. It looks like your Mum has passed.

This is going to be blunt, but I don't know how to wrap it up....it feels so strong.

I feel that the card is coming out cos your Mum is giving to you....a sign that she is there with you....she is trying to let you know she is ok and she is still with you.

Try to feel the love behind the card, and let it heal.

Ang x

hunter said:

I have picked the mother card in my Magical Mermaids deck, 2 days in a row after feeling totally traumatized by mother's day. It just keeps ripping open my wounds that haven't even closed yet. A friend tried to help me think about all the things that she thought maybe I should be attending to and that just further traumatized me.

I threw the deck across the room. I had stopped using this deck and almost gave it away. I don't like how it shuffles. I wish I hadn't pulled it back out, but it was a gift.

My friend said to hold my mom in the light. I told her I'd rather light the card on fire right now.

I don't want to get into a mother discussion. Just wondering what you all do if a deck is ripping your heart to shreds.

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When you're traumatized already by a day laden with symbolic meaning, and the cards you pull touch on the same open wound on top of that, I'm not surprised that you feel like "hitting back in defense" somehow (= wanting to light the respective card on fire).

Do it (light the card on fire, that is) if it makes you feel better. Or pick another way to express your anger that doesn't harm you or any other living beings. Seriously. All of us occasionally need such a stand-in for the real source of our problems (= for that someone/something too "big" and/or too far away to tackle directly).

It's also perfectly okay to give away/burn/throw out something that doesn't feel good to you, even if it has been a gift. If that's too drastic, putting the thing out of your sight is also an option.

If all of that still isn't an option, try asking the cards about ways to comfort yourself, ways to make you feel a bit better, maybe even ways that may help you heal this wound at some point. The cards are yours, and they are on your side. They don't have any power that you don't let them have.

When I pull cards that bring up painful stuff, it's usually so I can learn something. Sometimes I understand how one pain is connected to a particular source. Sometimes I finally see another way to deal with things that I haven't seen before. Sometimes it's just so I can have some safe space to actually feel the pain and work my way through it on my own terms. It can still be hard to see the good thing about the pain when you're in the middle of it.

It also doesn't sound as if the friend was much of a help to you in that situation. Maybe you can find some other company for future situations like this? Someone who doesn't imply that feeling and expressing your anger and hurt is not okay? Or, if there's no such someone around right now, maybe you can stay alone on days when you feel particularly raw? At any rate, I believe it's up to you to decide what you need (and want) to attend to and what not.

I hope some of this was useful. Best wishes!

Thank you all for your replies. I'm calmer today and better able to problem solve. When I'm feeling badly, I go to my cards and when they make me feel worse I feel betrayed. It can really hurt. I hurt too bad to think, in the moment.

I see that over and over I'm letting oracles be too narrow. I never do that with tarot. Because I have so many tarot books, if the explanation in one book hurts, I just look in another book.

I've got to pull back with these oracle cards. I think I was getting the mother card, because mother issues had just turned my life upside down. The meaning written on the card and in the book were harmful, yes, but not the picture.

If I just could have pulled back I would have seen that. Yes the book and card were telling me I needed to do something, but I didn't see that that is a very small part of the mother healing card.

If a tarot book says I need to do something I don't think for a moment, that is the meaning of the card, but just one possible suggestion that I can use if it seems right.

I picked the hail rune the same day and didn't feel traumatized, but comforted at the explanation that hail crushes the weakness, but melts and waters the strength that is left.

I wish I could have seen the mother healing card as my mother wounds hurt now, but will heal. Instead I felt shamed and blamed.

I need to write in permanent marker on my hand, 'look for wider meanings in your oracles!'

Thank you all for your input it was helpful.

Have any of you removed a card from a deck or had to stop using a deck, because it was too painful to use? Or have you always found ways to interpret the cards so that they are useful and productive?

I haven't had such a strong reaction like yours, but I have pulled another card to lay with, or to cover over, a card that doesn't speak clearly to me.

I've never removed a card but I have been challenged in trying to see beyond the "Scare" of a certain meaning.

Keep reminding yourself that it's not a printed meaning or an author or book to tell you to "do" anything or shame or blame you. Sometimes the most meaningful associations are abstract, off the cuff, possibly hinting at something good instead of bad.

For example, the repeating "mother" card might have been telling you that you're doing good healing or that more healing is opening up in an area that has hurt so much.

Another thing that always helps me is that when something REALLY HURTS or scares... it's a message in and of itself.

cardlady22 said:

...but I have pulled another card to lay with, or to cover over, a card that doesn't speak clearly to me.

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I like this This reminds me of when a friend said "it is a little warm today" on a 102 degree day. As I'm having a meltdown, "this card doesn't speak clearly to me today, I think I'll cover it over with something that does."

Lightbug, I don't know why I freak out if the message on an oracle tells me to do something. It's not like I ever ask questions with the idea that I must do what the cards say. And I never do this with Tarot cards.

I no longer STAY freaked out and powerless over shaming and blaming, but I still react violently to it immediately. I guess at least I can clear my head in a matter of hours instead of staying under it's power for years like I used to.

Shaming and blaming used to be able to get me to do almost anything. I look back and cannot believe how effective it was :-( This little episode just shows me how much work I still have to do in this area.

Okay so the card said I'm wrong, but so what? It doesn't mean that I am. Neither cards nor people are accurate mirrors of me. What they reflect is more about them than me.

Dorian Virtue wrote these cards and sometimes they say more about her than me. I remember this more clearly with the Sonia Choquette cards because she is so into the just world philosophy that I'm on guard before I even draw a card. Dorian seems all fluff and light, but her cards can cut me right down, I guess especially when I'm expecting a good fuzzy.