Thank you both for replying..
Its just so hard to push through when you meet such resistance to not just give up and give in to the thoughts in your head, to the feelings of failure and worthlessness...
In magick/self-improvement/life balance is all important. You seem to have unbalanced feelings coming up about yourself. Since I am such a big fan of Liber Librae I will quote from that (again!
)
" 14. Remember that this earth is but an atom in the universe, and that thou thyself art but an atom thereon, and that even couldst thou become the God of this earth whereon thou crawlest and grovellest, that thou wouldest, even then, be but an atom, and one amongst many."
So its healthy to have some awareness of this but the next point balances that:
" 15. Nevertheless have the greatest self-respect, and to that end sin not against thyself. The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and wilfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices."
Also you can balance feelings of worthlessness by realising in all that expansive Universe there is only 1 exactly like you - totally unique.
Maybe Resh IS working for you, maybe you are already reaping some benefits? Did you have the feeling of worthlessness before you started?
In any case, no one said it was going to be easy (did they?). Again, Liber Librae.
"5. Yet, oh aspirant, let thy victories bring thee not Vanity, for with increase of Knowledge should come increase of Wisdom. He who knoweth little, thinketh he knoweth much; but he who knoweth much hath learned his own ignorance. Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool, than of him. "
and also
2 - 4 " Thou then, who hast trials and troubles, rejoice because of them, for in them is Strength, and by their means is a pathway opened unto that Light.
3. How should it be otherwise, O man, whose life is but a day in Eternity, a drop in the Ocean of time; how, were thy trials not many, couldst thou purge thy soul from the dross of earth?
Is it but now that the Higher Life is beset with dangers and difficulties; hath it not ever been so with the Sages and Hierophants of the past? They have been persecuted and reviled, they have been tormented of men; yet through this also has their Glory increased.
4. Rejoice therefore, O Initiate, for the greater thy trial the greater thy Triumph. When men shall revile thee, and speak against thee falsely, hath not the Master said, “Blessed art thou!”?
Read the whole document .... again , if you already have.
I find your approach much more realistic than someone that purports accomplishment with Resh by rote learning and declaring they have gone through the process in a matter of weeks.
After over 20 years working with Resh on various levels at times (and at times not at all) I still have ups and downs, surity and doubts. Every road has its easy and hard parts the thing is to just keep chugging along and not going over the same territory endlessly.
You WILL get more identifiable results, like most things, it takes time. hermetics and alchemy work with a graduall heat and result, chemistry is the opposite. Patients is a virtue
Its so hard to just keep going when you feel you will never feel the 'benefit' of it.
Exactly right! When you FEEL ... thats your Mars/Venus ... feeling and reACTING from something that was acted on (or enacted on you) in the past. Acknowledge that and invoke Mercury (both magick and the mind) thats the closest force to the Sun and your solar nature / ego. Acknowledge the feelings but go with the higher thought, and train the higher thought by such processes and rituals like you are undertaking.
Sorry, just going through a death and rebirth and I feel like I'm doing the slow agonising death of a wannabe Shakespearian actor who is doing the local am-dram a favour LOL.
there's those feeling again
