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21 Ways To Read A Tarot Card -- Step NINE

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for coyoteblack and jewel, thanks for your encouragement, as i mentioned in my previous post I definately think I've gained alot, I feel opening up I have gotten alot more out of the last 2/3 steps and its great to be part of this group I never for one minute thought I would have delved into myself when I started this study group.

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Query & Snapshots

9:1:1 - Go back over the descriptions chosen for the Queen of Swords. Based on your descriptions and any other details or reactions you notice, ask at least 3 open ended questions. Answer your questions in writing. Pay attention to any scenes or memories that flash through your mind and write about the snapshot and relate it back to the question and your response. Note any emotions felt during the original event and any emotions that come up as you write about it.


Description - one who can see through other's BS
Question - What BS do I need to see through?
Response - First the bs I tell myself, that if I can't do all that I need to do, I should just not to try at all and avoid thinking about it. Secondly, the bs that my ex hands me when he makes promises I know he doesn't even intend to keep - I need to stop hoping against my better judgment and stop letting myself get emotionally hurt at the reminder that I can't count on him for some things.
Snapshot - the day he told me he was leaving, came less than two weeks after a long, seemingly heartfelt talk about long range plans together and fresh starts.
Emotional Response: shame at fooling myself, procrastinating and letting myself be fooled. Upsurge of hurt, then more shame. I should be over that by now. I felt robbed - had left behind so much out of trust in his plans - if he'd been honest, he'd still be gone but my life would have remained intact. Fear that learning from that - looking *for* the bs in the future would leave me closed. I need to find a way to see insincerity without looking for it everywhere.

Description - one who wins arguments with sharp words and wit
Question - How do I approach arguments?
Response - I am definitely a verbal sparrer. More than that, though, I enjoy a good argument that doesn't contain a lot of emotional sludge... a nice objective debate where ideas are argued rather than trading insults. I have to watch out though - what seems to be a good turn of phrase to me sometimes come across as personal insult or get so focused on the 'win' that I forget about feelings.
Snapshot - 12 yrs old, Dad and I have a dispute over the meaning of a word while trying to stump each other (frequent game between us). I couldn't immediately find a way to prove my case and then he left for Vietnam. Shortly after, I found evidence of the word being used according to my meaning and carefully copied the necessary passage, added in large letters "You were wrong! Hah!" and mailed it to him. For a long time that was the only letter he had from me. Found out in my late teens that he'd carried the letter with him when, in a father/daughter quarrel I'd complained that I couldn't ever seem to hurt him (made sense to the 17 year old me) and he pulled it out and said, yes I could.
Emotions - triumph at besting him - didn't happen often. Surprise and shamed at finding out my focus on that triumph hurt him -he was always uncomfortable with emotional display so it didn't occur to me to be sentimental in the letter - I thought continuing the game was continuing our connection. Enlightenment that my father - who never displayed emotionality - could be hurt by me at all. Emotions now...guilt and residual confusion. I never did figure out how to 'win' at getting him to just be proud of me and we grew apart by the time he got home and I'd become a teen. That was the last word game we ever played together and the later quarrel was the last personal exchange we ever had where were were open and honest with one another emotionally. Final emotion, lingering sadness but I put most of this behind me years ago.

Description - one who nurtures their beliefs and attitudes, protecting them from anything that might make them falter
Question - What beliefs do am I holding onto that I need to release?
Response - That quitting is always a failure. I stick things out long after they've stopped doing me any good. My wiser self knows that not everything is intended to last forever, but I have a terrible time walking away from something without feeling like the act of stepping away is a defeat.
Snapshot - First admin job - the job was horrible, soul-sucking and the boss was involved with illegal activities on the job (cocaine use). But it was my first office job and I didn't want to be perceived (or perceive myself) as someone who couldn't cut it, so I hung in there rather than planning a reasonable exit. Then came a day when I walked in on the boss using coke and shortly after was fired for trumped up reasons. Failure to leave on my terms meant getting stuck with his terms and having to find a job in a crisis situation.
Emotional response - chagrin. This mirrors the end of my marriage. This is a habitual issue. Still, a sense of pride comes from being able to tough things out, but I want to train myself to have pride in knowing when to time my exits better... no one is giving me brownie points for being a patsy.



9:1:2 - What do you need to look at in your life right now as suggested by your responses, metaphors and memories? Where was the strongest emotion?

Odd... the last is probably my most serious issue of these three, but stirs the least emotion. Yet, inability to let things go plays a part in the other two examples.

I need to work on:
- not making decisions based on shame and guilt.
- accept that empowerment comes in knowing when to end a situation that isn't helpful to me.
- pay more attention to other people's emotional concerns.
- learn how to stand up for myself without hardening my heart to the needs of others. It doesn't have to be either/or.

man.. this was the hardest exercise yet. I had to stop frequently to process the emotions stirred up. Physically, the response to those emotions showed up in the form of stomach ache and shaking. I had no idea shame played such a large part in my life... it's not something I'm often consciously aware of.
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For le fey


(you said) man.. this was the hardest exercise yet. I had to stop frequently to process the emotions stirred up. Physically, the response to those emotions showed up in the form of stomach ache and shaking. I had no idea shame played such a large part in my life... it's not something I'm often consciously aware of.

REPLY: This is how some of these steps hit us. Not all, but some. As we place ourselves into the examination and learning process we uncover a lot--a lot about tarot, about ourselves, about others. This is where the value of looking deeply into the cards comes from. I had not used any of Mary's workbooks before because I didn't value the empty pages and instructions. Was I ever wrong. This past 7 or 8 months has been an eye-opener for me which I deeply value. Thanks for sharing. Dave
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Step 9 - Druidcraft Tarot - The Moon


I based my questions as if I was an extra character in the card and I also made up my answers, having said this though, it brought out some real issues for me.


1. Why are you feeling worried and anxious? The sounds those dogs are making is almost haunting and really I dont know where it is leading

2. But they are only dogs. Why are dogs so haunting? Its the whole picture! The darkness of the night, the full moon. I feel like Ive walked into a horror movie and the dogs will turn into monsters or something.

3. How do you think you could get over this spooky feeling? Well I cant escape darkness, I mean, it comes around roughly every 12 hrs. I need to confront what I am afraid of, acknowledge it and move on.



Part 2 of Activity 9:1

There are a couple of situations in my life right now that are holding me back. A probable change in my career brings feelings of fear, not knowing what is ahead and also fear of leaving my current position where I do feel safe at the moment. Another situation is having a very sick relative who is so close to death brings feelings of fear up for me too.


The timing of doing these exercises is pretty amazing. I havent done any steps for months and now the day I do this exercise co-incides with something that has been going on in my life recently that I am having trouble facing.
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Facing a career change is indeed something that can leave you feeling uneasy. I can remember back when I was a kid in the US Navy. I had requested a transfer to another ship. One day I found myself sitting in a small motorized boat, my "old" ship and friends fading away in the fog behind me as we headed across the harbor. I didn't know what was ahead of me.

This has happened many times for me. Its part of life, and it almost always leads to very worthwhile experiences. Good luck on that aspect of life, as well as on your tarot studies. Dave
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For Geministar


Quote:
Originally Posted by geministar
There are a couple of situations in my life right now that are holding me back. A probable change in my career brings feelings of fear, not knowing what is ahead and also fear of leaving my current position where I do feel safe at the moment. Another situation is having a very sick relative who is so close to death brings feelings of fear up for me too.
I am aware of both situations in your life, the career change being one we have spoken about and I have done readings for you on in the past. The theme of your fears in relation to this is not new, and I agree that this dialogue is wanting to lead you towards resolution of them. You know who you need to really sit down and talk to about your fears, maybe just doing that would allay your fears and allow you the time to really make a decision you are pleased with.

As for your relative, my heart goes out to you. Not only is there the pain of seeing a loved one suffer, but it always brings us back to our own mortality. Pain and fear are scary and haunting. But as the moon sets the sun rises, keep that in mind as well. Life is a cycle. ~hugs~
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I really spent a lot of time trying to decide whether or not to post this or just post that I had done the work on the card. Everything people have said about this method of reading cards is right. You will find things in each card that will speak to your current situation. Although I didn't draw this card in the "normal" manner. It is obvious that it is the card I ought to be investigating.

RWS - 5 of Swords

What am I angry about?

My husband has dementia. It is still quite mild. He can do most of the things he wants to do. He still drives and reads a bunch of newspapers every day. But, a lot of the things I expected to be able to do once we retired are no longer happening. He doesn't want to socialize. . I have made friends with neighbors and with women living here but we haven't made couple friends because he no longer connects and conversation is difficult for him. We don't travel because being away from home is difficult for him. I'm angry because it isn't the retirement I dreamed of and expected to have. I see other people enjoying themselves, and I'm tired of watching other people have fun. I've spent a large portion of my life watching other people having fun and not joining in.

What do I feel I need to calmly walk away from?

I need to calmly walk away from my expectations because they are no longer realistic. I need to find a way to enjoy my life now because I know it is going to get harder. I know I will look back and see this time as a much better time in the near future. I'm working on it.

What makes me want to cry?

It is all so sad. I want to cry not just because of my own problems with this situation. I want to cry because he isn't the person he was such a short time ago, and he knows it and it makes him very unhappy.

I am, by the way, mostly NOT depressed. Life is actually good most of the time. I've used online resources to have people to "talk" to for years because of my own physical limitations. And I've got more in-person contact with people who live around me than I did in the past. I'm not all that isolated, and we do a bit of local travel.
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Life's milestones, like holidays, bring change and stress. We all understand that but dealing with it is something else. In the Waite-Smith card everyone has different roles, stances, and/or reactions to what has happened. The figures can relate to different people in a situation AND ALSO to different issues faced by one person.

At my age, I'm 71, and having found myself in "sudden" retirement after the 2001 software industry crash, I recognize that there are a complexity of situations to put in order within one's mind.

Foremost is the issue that many men identify their work and themselves as being the same thing. If so, there may be some actions that could help. If his work was with a large company, they probably have a retiree's club of some sort. Some large organizations bring back retired workers as consultants or to help at vacation time -- is there a "sign up" process that could be investigated?

I worked as a consultant for five years after leaving a Marketing position at the last software company I worked for. There are a number of consulting or helping organizations that retired people could help on a paid basis. The Small Business Association provides experienced workers to help small businesses all the time. Often times one can find very small businesses that are willing to hire people part time with very specific skills. A friend of mine works three days a week for a garden shop specializing in Bonzai trees.

Local government offers opportunities, also. I work for our town each year helping with my various skills, working in one or another department under programs that "repay" you by reducing your tax bill -- great for retired home owners. I also teach Chess and Robotics for 4--8 grade students -- and I get paid $28 hour for doing so.

We just sold our summer beach cottage and have purchased another summer home. At the last place, several men in our village did seasonal opening-up and closing-down work for other cottages, plus repair and maintenace (such as lawn mowing, watering) during the summer season.

Of course, there are all the usual Walmart and donut shop stuff, but that isn't so interesting, is it?

Another issue that bothers some men is "Why?" Why were they let go, or why do they have to retire? It becomes very personal, of course, and it does no good to look at the big picture. I've seen people start a scrapbook project wherein they collect and display business cards that they have had (about 30 for me), pictures of the places they have worked, areas they visited, equipment and people they worked with, and products they have produced. This clarifies one's progress and/or accomplishments in life and often points to the fact that a different phase of life is now at hand.

Is it possible to "adopt" another locality as a place you can vacation at, visit one weekend a month, or even rent a place for several days at a time? Having another place to go to often equates to gaining some perspective on life.

For me, hobbies and avocations were a big thing after stopping work. The tarot and astrology are what I'm known for here on AT but I also play chess, wood carve, build sheds and additions, paint, serve as an Assistant Boy Scout Master, and read a lot. I'm also writing a book.

Finally, I'd try to work the friend angle. Not your own friend's husbands, not couples you both know, but someone he knew at work or went to baseball games or fishing with. Something has to pull his attention out of his own head. Especially someone who might have also retired and found the outlets and alternative paths that are needed. Following a proven path is an easy way to start off.

Just my thoughts. I hope something clicks. Dave
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21 ways step nine


21 ways step 9

DruidCraft: The High Priestess.


How do you feel about yourself?
Snapshot: My sister thanking me for help when she got divorced, telling me what good insight I had and saying things that gave her the courage and abilities to get on with her life. I get this kind of feed back from a lot of people, but I never seem to remember things I said to get such repsonse like this. I get surprised when I get that kind of feedback. I cannot think that I could have said something like that Ė Iím stupid. I seem to have low self esteem, though Iím not afraid to talk in groups etc. (I get ask to be toastmaster at weddings). But I forget, so easily. So this gets to be a question of memories for me. Why do I forget, why do I hide my memories? I think more and more it has to be doing with an alcoholic mother, who I realised I couldnít trust at age 10. I remember thinking I must not say anything to her. This in essence meant I had no mother from that time. So perhaps I hide memories because usually they were not too good at home. I keep saying to myself that Iím no good, Iím an idiot. But I know this isnít true. I dare not say it, and when I do, its so strange, kind of out of body thing. I can never say: ďWell done Verdi, you were good thereĒ.

What reflections do you have of your way of living?
Snapshot: wanting this and that, getting the last electrical thingy, always gathering things
This makes me feel so materialistic. Lately however Iíve been thinking: what do I really need this for? What kind of environmental impact will it have? I think this is one of the reasons I took up tarot. Using my time on personal transformation and little bit less of buy, buy buy.

How do you listen to others?
Snapshot: interrupting others while they are talking.
One of my big flaws this. I am so analytical. I seem to think I see the answer, get to the problem before others. This has its advantages of couse, but makes me look and be impatient and arrogant. I got to just relax and just listen. This is where Tarot comes in. In my grounding, when shuffling the cards I breath Ė properly. So Iím trying to do this when I listen.

9.1.2
I seem to have given my self the answers to this in the above questions. I have to start looking into my relationship to my mother. The abandonment and its consequences. This is no small issue I realise, I havenít talked to her for a year now. This will not be easy and may never be resolved. I have at least a goal to make myself better, more in tune and happy. So question 1 is the absolutely the most important. Question 3, is the next challenge: I have to listen and be patient.
Verdi
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Not remembering what you said to comfort others shows that your are speaking from your heart, not your head. Just being there, just listening, just responding when a response is needed -- that is all that is often needed. I tend to be logical and my responses and help is often far less effective in some cases. So, don't worry about remembering what you said, just be content with having been there in a supportive role.

The materialistic thing is part of the phases we live through. And, I fully am with you in seeing Tarot as providing a wealth of opportunities to see myself through different mirrors. It's a practice that I deeply appreciate. Glad to see you progressing with our study group. Dave
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