Why WOULDNT Death come up?

I've done about three readings in the aftermath of a break-up. I've told myself, "Ok, that's enough. Look at what's already been shown to you." The thing that gets to me, however, is why hasn't Death shown up? This card has been present for me in other instances that did signify the real ending of a relationship, nothing of the old left. I just find it strange that it hasn't showed up now because I feel like I'm going through a Death kind of phase. Things are changing drastically and things will never be as they were. I think I even sought it out when I did my readings, looking for some sense of validation of what I've been experiencing.

I did get a lower echo, the four of wands, but this for me has never been total change. It's more like "If you were arguing, now that's over with." kind of change, where you don't feel the need to analyze your decisions.

But who knows, maybe in time we'll actually be friends, and that's why it hasn't shown up, but I don't see that happening either. If you've got any experiences with Death, I'd like to know.

Sorry to be flippant but . . .

Maybe - like in the Terry Pratchett novel - Death is on holiday (vacation to us Americans) and his grand-daughter Susan has the reins, and she's a kinder, gentler soul. Or Death is suppressing a yawn and saying "Here we go again!"

Seriously, though, its absence could be showing that the reading isn't about the situation, it's more about the fact that you still haven't changed, so it's not going to rub your nose in it. There's a line from the Bob Dylan song, Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again that goes:

And here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going through all these things twice

Maybe there's something you haven't done yet to reach closure, and Death is staying its hand until you figure that out.

Death doesn't always show up when things "change", even drastically; there's usually a deep sense of finality required, as well, which may not have been a part of the breakup from your view... The 4 of Wands does suggest a lingering hope or outright expectation that this person will eventually "come home"/return to your life in some capacity, whether as a friend or a lover; it can also show urges to encourage such an outcome (by initiating contact, being enthusiastically warm and welcoming, etc.)... And, yes, it's also possible that Death hasn't appeared because this person actually will re-enter the scene at some point, though that's not necessarily the case...

Any of these could be reasons why Death isn't being drawn. If you really won't be involved with each other again and it's still not coming up, then more concrete "proof" of the End may still be required by you on some level (i.e. failed attempts to reconnect), or this person's importance/influence may simply need to fade even more, over time, to a point of no return. Just some ideas.

Personally, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about one specific card not showing up in a reading. There are a lot of cards and they all combine to show you the message that you are needing at the time. A lot of the cards can convey pretty similar messages, but in their own ways. Death is not the only card that can signify changes, especially if you are reading in the context of an entire spread. It almost sounds like you are holding out hope that the fact that Death hasn't appeared is a sign that everything might still work out. I obviously don't know either way, but *typically* you base readings more on the cards you draw than the ones you don't. I've done a lot of breakup readings, and Death is not a card that I necessarily expect to see. Perhaps you should accept Death's absence as a good sign, that this breakup is not going to cause that much of a huge impact on your life in the long run, regardless of if they're gone for good or not.

I'm not familiar with echo cards so I'm hesitant to respond about the 4 of Wands. However, the 4 of Wands can mean a happy social event like a wedding or birthday party or something like that. Maybe this card is telling you that in the long run, you'll be celebrating the fact that you've ended the relationship. (Or he did, if that's the case.)

As for the Death card not appearing in the readings you've done, I'd interpret it to mean that you haven't accepted the end of the relationship. You're not over him yet and you haven't "laid the issue to rest" once and for all yet.

Barleywine said:

Sorry to be flippant but . . .

Maybe - like in the Terry Pratchett novel - Death is on holiday (vacation to us Americans) and his grand-daughter Susan has the reins, and she's a kinder, gentler soul. Or Death is suppressing a yawn and saying "Here we go again!"

Seriously, though, its absence could be showing that the reading isn't about the situation, it's more about the fact that you still haven't changed, so it's not going to rub your nose in it. There's a line from the Bob Dylan song, Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again that goes:

And here I sit so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going through all these things twice

Maybe there's something you haven't done yet to reach closure, and Death is staying its hand until you figure that out.

Click to expand...

That's a very good point, but I do feel very changed by it. That's why I thought it was so curious that this card, that I could just feel coming as I drew, didn't show up at all. It is possible that there's still something left to do on my end. I am the sort of person that won't let go of friendships easily. So maybe that last test is yet to be given.

IndigoWaves said:

Death doesn't always show up when things "change", even drastically; there's usually a deep sense of finality required, as well, which may not have been a part of the breakup from your view... The 4 of Wands does suggest a lingering hope or outright expectation that this person will eventually "come home"/return to your life in some capacity, whether as a friend or a lover; it can also show urges to encourage such an outcome (by initiating contact, being enthusiastically warm and welcoming, etc.)... And, yes, it's also possible that Death hasn't appeared because this person actually will re-enter the scene at some point, though that's not necessarily the case...

Any of these could be reasons why Death isn't being drawn. If you really won't be involved with each other again and it's still not coming up, then more concrete "proof" of the End may still be required by you on some level (i.e. failed attempts to reconnect), or this person's importance/influence may simply need to fade even more, over time, to a point of no return. Just some ideas.

Click to expand...

Very good point. The tower can hit you hard, but death can creep up on you. It's possible that death isn't around because a real sense of finality has yet to come. I feel like it's there, but tarot can know you better than you know yourself at times.

SuperSirius said:

Personally, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about one specific card not showing up in a reading. There are a lot of cards and they all combine to show you the message that you are needing at the time. A lot of the cards can convey pretty similar messages, but in their own ways. Death is not the only card that can signify changes, especially if you are reading in the context of an entire spread. It almost sounds like you are holding out hope that the fact that Death hasn't appeared is a sign that everything might still work out. I obviously don't know either way, but *typically* you base readings more on the cards you draw than the ones you don't. I've done a lot of breakup readings, and Death is not a card that I necessarily expect to see. Perhaps you should accept Death's absence as a good sign, that this breakup is not going to cause that much of a huge impact on your life in the long run, regardless of if they're gone for good or not.

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Yes, I thought of that too, not worrying about other cards, but I figured it might be a fun discussion. And I've enjoyed the responses so far!

I'm not truly holding out for hope. I was actually hoping to see Death, as strange as it sounds. But like I said in another comment, I am the sort of person to try to keep friendships going because life is just so short. I want to keep good vibes all around. It's very possible that I may not actually say "Go away" if he comes around again. Not that it isn't what I want, because I very much do want that finality.

I've had one other important relationship, and death came up when that one ended despite the fact that I didn't necessarily feel or want it. But it did indeed change and he doesn't seem familiar to me at all. So it just made me wonder what was up with this one.

Grizabella said:

I'm not familiar with echo cards so I'm hesitant to respond about the 4 of Wands. However, the 4 of Wands can mean a happy social event like a wedding or birthday party or something like that. Maybe this card is telling you that in the long run, you'll be celebrating the fact that you've ended the relationship. (Or he did, if that's the case.)

As for the Death card not appearing in the readings you've done, I'd interpret it to mean that you haven't accepted the end of the relationship. You're not over him yet and you haven't "laid the issue to rest" once and for all yet.

Click to expand...

I can associate the 4 of wands with a sense of completion, but like I said it's never an absolute. Like one phase is ending but none of the outer circumstances actually changes. Like, say a job has been such a downer, if I saw the four of wands I'd think "Ok, it's going to feel different and be less of a drain." One phase is complete, but things are stable. If I saw Death, I might think someone will move to another position or a new manager will come and change everything, so whatever you're disliking about your job now will be a total thing of the past. That's what I meant by "echo", there's a similar meaning there but doesn't come about in the same way.

It could be it didn't show up because you didn't really need that message as much as you needed what the other cards had to say.