When people push you to do readings

Ruby Jewel

Ah, fair enough - the use of the word protocol here was strange - it suggests, to me, a codified rule - and as far as I know there is no such thing in tarot.

The tarot, being sourced in mysticism, would probably preclude much of what is explicitly defined in the world of scholarship. Having had to endure their penchant to stigmatize the tarot, I sometimes feel free to use their language loosely to express my personal penchants. For me, the word conveys my meaning. Of course, I aborted getting my Masters degree in English because I could not endure being buried alive in the coffin of the English Department's strict mentality that placed "correctness" of the paradigm above thinking beyond it. Needless to say, many people were reduced to pulling out their hair and I had mercy on them by choosing a degree in painting and drawing instead.
 

Adriana

Oh, you guys! Thanks so much for all the replies!! :)
Ill reply to some but know I appreciate all of it :)
One thing I experience when doing readings is that I "go under" a bit; as in the feeling you have when jumping into water. I feel things all around me, like soft and fluid and it can be draining when this happens too much. Which has happened now with those people..
For your imformation I said that I needed a break and in one case this was respected. I could tell they wanted me to get out of it and try their way with saying "I got some strange cards on a question, I wont tell you what they are since you wanted so much a break....". And I dont bite, just say yeah, the tarot can be strange sometimes.. :D
But I know it will come back again soon when they think Ive had enough break lol


Do not be anyone's doormat and set boundaries.

Am not sure why you feel guilty or upset over them saying things like "you are not helpful" or "are rejecting them".

Put your head up, straighten your shoulders, and stop being everyone's agony aunt. You are only human, just one person, and can only give so much of yourself.

Life is too short to take on everyone else's crap, so do yourself a favor and don't.


DND :)

I feel it because I know they are having a hard time and the guilt tripping makes me feel like the worst friend in the world. But all replies to my thread has helped me. And how can I be so helpful to others when Im drained myself, I even know my readings fall into the abyss when Im tired lol. And no, I wont e the agony aunt! hehe

Tell them the spirits aren't talking today.

Haha, I have said something to that extent. I could put up this face as if Im trying to talk to someone and I dont get a reply hehe

Yes to all the posts about boundaries. Maybe there's a gentle way to bring the conversation back to what this is doing to you: "I want so much to be helpful but I've told you how draining it is to do all these readings and I don't feel you're hearing me. That makes me feel you don't care about my well-being, which hurts my feelings. How can we work this out so you don't feel I'm abandoning you and I don't feel you're --" ... well, maybe there's a nice way to say "sucking me dry" but I can't quite come up with one at the moment. Tone counts for a lot.

It's easy for anyone to get self-absorbed when they're going through a rough patch, but I wouldn't let someone cast me as the meanie because I can't and won't give them whatever they want whenever they want it.

This is sound advice and I will use it a bit next time.. I'll also say that I dont feel they appreciate they readings Ive already done as it seems not to be enough.

The person who volunteered your services was way out of line. So far out of line, in fact, that they would be moved from my "friendships" list to my "acquaintances" list.....I would be friendly to them, but definitely keep my distance in the future. You were not rude. Your "so-called" friend was.

Also, the standard tarot protocol is to refrain from doing reading and reading for someone. You need to set up some rules for yourself and enforce them.

They are good people really, one of them I consider distansing myself from. In a couple of other cases I just think they are self centered going through what they do (which I understand). But one is definately rude and dont care.

Like others have said, this behaviour is out of line. I would set a limit on how many readings per month or week, whatever works for you. I would firmly state that they are NOT to offer my readings to other people, especially those I don't know. I would make it clear that I have things I do with my time that are equally important, and it's not a reflection on how 'supportive' I am, and that support in friends should go both ways.

Then, I would suggest three things: one, an oracle deck they should get that I think they would connect with, a simple tarot deck suggestion, and a simple book for learning tarot. If they love tarot that much, maybe it could be a new hobby? I know when I first started out learning, I had certain life problems (but really, doesn't everyone always have some sort of problem?), and having this skill to learn was a welcome distraction. It'd be great if they could start learning for themselves.

I felt it was a betrayal of trust when they just offered me up as a party reader for other people without asking. It was rude and Ive said to never do it again. Ask me first.
One friend has 3 decks but comes to me to interpret. Ive told her some tips on how to look at the cards and read pictures.. Its good excerise for her not to ask me constantly (and also Ive told her that YOU're own feeling when seeing the cards will be important as intuiion will set in and I wasnt there at the time of the reading).

There's a saying I read in a self-help book years ago that might help you like it did me. It was "If you didn't break it, you can't fix it." Meaning that I didn't give others their problems so it wasn't up to me to fix them. It sounds like your friends are trying to give you guilt trips and by convincing you that you've been such a help in the past, you'll be cheating them and causing them trouble if you won't read for them again, so you're feeling guilty. Pretend this guilt trip they want to throw at you is a rock. They throw it, but you don't have to catch it, you can just let it drop. You absolutely don't need to buy the guilt trip.

Make up some business cards that say, "I'm a novice Tarot reader. I do readings by appointment only, and I charge X amount of money for readings till I'm established." (Or words to that effect.) Put some nominal amount like $10 on the cards as your fee. Then if you still get hit up for readings and you choose to do them anyway, you'll be at least getting a little something for doing it. But in the meantime, it will cut out a whole lot of people who want you to read for them free. And by adding the "by appointment" you eliminate being put on the spot by friends who volunteer you to do readings on the spot. :)

There are lots of other ways to deal with the problem, too, and you've gotten lots of good input here. Another thought is---buy your friend a deck and then she can do readings for those other friends. :p

I liked the rock analogy. Ill let that rock pass next time, thank you very much :p
Also I dont feel comfortable yet charging for my readings as I dont feel that good yet..I do see things, but need more practice hehe


It seems you have two different problems here.
The first is friends who put you on the spot to help them. Yes, it's rude but probably unintentionally so, and I understand you don't want to be harsh with friends. That's not how friendships last. They may not realize that what you do isn't exactly easy for you. If you really don't want to, you should be able to tell them that, explain you aren't feeling it and don't want to give a bad reading.

On the other hand, you could make THEM do the work. Lay out the cards and encourage them to find their answer in there. You can help a little, pointing out things or asking THEM questions, i.e. "Who do you think the Queen represents here?", or "why is she smiling?" And make them work on their own problem.
It might be fun, it might be helpful, and it might make them think twice about asking again, since they had to do the work.

The second problem is easy. These people just want a party trick, don't understand and don't care. SO, if a polite refusal is not accepted, do a layout for one of them. Study it. Put your hand over your mouth with a little gasp, then pick up the cards real quick and tell them, "Everything is FINE. You're going to be JUST FINE! Could I get a DRINK please?!?"

That should end it.

Later, just tell your friend that wasn't cool offering free tarot readings like that without asking. It won't happen again.

And hopefully at some point when you make a mis-step with a friend, they will be as patient with you so you can learn something.

I know in 2 cases that they are just being self absorbed because they are having a tough time. They are good friends otherwise. One is just rude.
Your second point is something I do sometimes, but Ill do it more.. I try to give her ideas on how to interpret the cards on her own, really look at the images and feel them, but she still tend to go to me..Ill do it more, saying this will help you when Im too tired hehehe

And LOL, I liked you last suggeston :D

"You can ask me anything. ..for $20.00"

I have recently ended a friendship exactly for this reason. Although I am quiet and accomadating of people's requests for readings I have to set my own boundaries to focus on my studies (esoteric and academic), work and family life. But it got to such a point that the person was literally waking me up via phonecall to get a reading. I put my foot down and said that I will not continue this circus act! I am immensely more relaxed now, though, I am sad that it had to come to such an extreme. Set your boundaries and keep in mind that you most likely are actually harming your friends by being a constant emotional crutch. They have to deal with their lives on their own. I am a firm believer that everyone is alone, regardless of the diameter of their social circle and that help must be asked for as a last resort. I don't dump my internal-baggage on others nor should they do the same thing to me

Yes doing a lot of readings does help you see the cards unfold in different situations and add to your Tarot Vocabulary but it also has the downside of taxing you with heavy emotional baggage which you don't need and might not necessarily want. So be picky if you need. It's not a crime and it's definitely not being rude

Sincerely

-uraszz

Oh wow, waking you up etc.. Thats just not nice.. Well, theyve tried to call me at odd hours, but I turn off the sound on the phone so they cant get tehre hehe
You have sound advice and Im glad you got away from being someones tarot slave.. I guess thats what I need too...
 

Achlys

I think for the whole marketing you out without your permission, you should talk to them in private and let them know that it makes you uncomfortable to be put on the spot like that. Be gentle with the delivery, but be firm.

And as far as the do a reading every day thing, just let them know that they need to allow time in between readings to let the previous reading manifest. Set a boundary of one every month (or whatever timeline you prefer). The cards are there to empower them to make their own decisions, not decide everything for them or tell them exactly what's going to happen. If they really can't go without help, it might be best they seek a counselor. Cards are no replacement for professionals. It sounds like they're desperate and forming a dependency on you, and that's a dangerous thing. They may need outside help to empower them if they're feeling hopeless and depending on the cards.
 

BlueSun

Maybe tell them, "My 'antennas' aren't working well lately."
 

G6

That's interesting. And you explained it very clearly here. It's something we should all be aware of.

It's one thing when its people are hitting you up constantly for free readings and as a reader you enable this behaviour.
But it is, to be honest, trickier when its a paying customer because it's pretty steady income yet irresponsible and unethical to encourage it.

Some professional readers do set limits on repeat customers.
 

tapasr_57772aeb7

"Gee, I'm having vision problems; I just can't see giving you free readings anymore. "
 

nisaba

Here's a cheeky one: "My deck told me it doesn't like you any more."

But seriously, ask if they'd consider asking an accountant-friend to do their taxes for free. That'll make them think.
 

MissChiff

If you don't take care of this your health will be at risk. You will burn out and reading the Tarot will no longer give you any pleasure.
 

Denever

Most people wouldn't do this, but a lot of people would be quite comfortable telling an accountant-friend about some complex finanical situation and asking for their advice.

I had (note past tense) two friends who called me every time they had a legal question or had gotten themselves into some fix and wanted my advice about how to get out. But even they wouldn't have asked me to represent them formally.

Doing tax returns or filing a lawsuit is obviously "real" work but an amazing number of people don't understand that listening to a long narrative and using your professional knowledge to advise them is real work, too.

Asking a friend to do readings may be, in some minds, more like asking someone to "just give advice," not asking for any "real" work. Those people need gentle reminders that some folks make their living reading tarot.

But seriously, ask if they'd consider asking an accountant-friend to do their taxes for free. That'll make them think.
 

MadeiraDarling

I just tell them that I get tired when I do too many, it's psychically draining, but that I'll get to their question when I have the energy.