The Cafe Reader Diary :)

Elven, this thread is wonderful! Thanks so much for sharing.

I think we've all had days like this. I don't read publicly, but I often read for friends of friends. They're usually strangers or very unfamiliar acquaintances. No matter how long I've been reading tarot, I'm always surprised when I hit the nail on the head with querants who initially hold back like this lady did.

Sounds like you handled her very well, and I'm sure she walked away pleased with her reading, and feeling the same reflective mood as you did.

You have bucketfuls (basketfuls?) of talent, both reading and writing.

Elven...great narrative of your experience...honest and detailed.

I got nervous myself listening to your description of this woman.

I'm still new to live readings....and I know that I still want the sitter to smile or be postive or ask questions...this woman would have been quite unnerving to me as well.

You stuck with it...you worked the process WITH her.

How you feel and felt afterwards doesn't mean it wasn't a good day and a good reading.

In fact, it may have been a miracle....and you may never know it. How we feel about a reading I am learning isn't necessarily connected to how "good" the reading was. You did your best, brought her along, shifted your gears and moved ahead. You may have planted that single seed from which the tree grows....

WELL DONE!

Thanks again for sharing.

terri

Thankyou The Old and Kaylee Marie

I was thinking, while reading back over the post, I have a recollection of a similar time many (lots!) years ago when this happened to me. I hadn't been reading for very long at all. That time, after the client had left, I spiralled into self doubt and aprehension. To me (at that time) REAL readers never faultered, REAL readers didn't um and ah, REAL readers were direct, self assured, all knowing, divine creatures who had access to realms beyond the mere mortal client!! I was just some fake. A person who had gone to class, studied, fumbled, could never remember what the 7 of cups meant, mixed up the Hierophant, Hermit and the Hanged Man cards too many times to remember, would forget which order the Majors went in, was clueless about astrology, even forget the spread placements - let alone the meanings... I wasn't a Tarot reader!! I couldn't do this!! I was a charlotten!! I wasn't gifted, I couldn't hear voices and see angels!! What was I thinking!!

Looking back now, I remember how important it was then for me to be all those things I thought I was supposed to be. If I faultered, or hadn't a clue, went blank, was drained, dropped cards, forgot signifiers or mixed up a spread - If I wasn't the 'ideal' reader - then how could I do this and still feel I was a responsible, trusting, reliable person. How I used to bash myself up over this!

I do remeber though, wanting so badly to read. The love hate realtionship between myself and my ability would often have me in an emotional turmoil. What did keep me going though, was the relationship i was starting to have with my cards. We were going through things together, and Tarot was teaching me about the world, and I was starting to understand, through lifes experiences, the 'meanings' attached to the cards.

So there were times that I put them away for a week or a month and just 'lived' without Tarot. I would read 'other' books on philosophy and crystals, numerology and astronomy, Tolkien and the Two Ronnies I would have relationships and study, join the Lapidarary Club as well as the Motorcycle club, and then return to the Tarot occassionally when I/it 'felt' right. When I decided to start reading again then, (I was being asked to by friends and clients), I had noticed some shifts in my perspective - About myself and my cards, and realized that I could do this - it was OK. I had settled down and have wiped alot of disillusion away from what I thought a REAL tarot reader should be like. My cards and I became 'good friends' and I trusted what I was doing. It didnt happen over night, but it did happene, and I just kept reading.


So... when this happened at the cafe on Wednesday, and those feelings flooded back, and I felt concerned, I knew to keep going. To keep in touch with the cards and keep relating whatever I was feeling to the client - the delivery wasnt as important as the message - as long as I kept with it. There was no place during the reading where I could 'give up' - I also know that if it gets that bad, then to be honest about that too. No good pretending (IMHO)!!

The rest is in the post, but for those who have had this happen, Im sure you'd agree, at some time, regardless of your 'days to years' of experience reading for others, it will happen - but it doesn't mean you should give up your Tarot, nor that your not a REAL reder

And the info, resources and support here at ATF - 'priceless'! I wish it had been around then!

Im sure other could give a few examples as well Oh no! Dont tell me I am the only one this happens to!!

Many Blessings
Elven x

tmgrl2 said:

In fact, it may have been a miracle....and you may never know it. How we feel about a reading I am learning isn't necessarily connected to how "good" the reading was. You did your best, brought her along, shifted your gears and moved ahead. You may have planted that single seed from which the tree grows....

Click to expand...

Terri, I couldn't agree with you more. Thankyou so much for the post, and reminding me - there are many aspects to a reading - (and some of them have to do with the client ) ! Im sure the Lady has many descisions to make, and I did forget to add, that after the reading she mentioned she had been dithery and depressed all week for no reason (let me tell you, I think she had reason). I remeber picking up on others emotions and reflecting them back as well during some readings. You reminded me of this important point! Good one! Thanks for your support!

Many Blessings
Elven x

Elven said:

Terri, I couldn't agree with you more. Thankyou so much for the post, and reminding me - there are many aspects to a reading - (and some of them have to do with the client ) ! Im sure the Lady has many descisions to make, and I did forget to add, that after the reading she mentioned she had been dithery and depressed all week for no reason (let me tell you, I think she had reason). I remeber picking up on others emotions and reflecting them back as well during some readings. You reminded me of this important point! Good one! Thanks for your support!

Many Blessings
Elven x

Click to expand...

I am still affected by the presence emotionally of a client. I'm not sure that will ever change. As you did, I do my best and go through it, working things out as we go along. What's so beautiful is that you are reading for people.

They are coming to you for a reason and you are stepping up to the task and pouring out your love. It shows!!

terri

Elven,

Only just found this thread and want to thank-you for starting it. It really is wonderful to read your experiences. I really felt that I was there with you.

Every reading experience will be different for you and sharing them here is so encouraging for so many of us.

Keep it up

Elven,

I also just came across this thread. Wanted to thank you for posting and sharing your experiences as well as your thoughtful insights.

Onward and upward!

joya

Hmm, hello Elven.

Wow. It was different. I think it's interesting to read about the way that you've adjusted and remembered different things. It's like your own little journey. Did you expect to grow as much yoursElf in the course of reading for others?

I'm willing to bet that you didn't really need to use the cards to give that woman a reading. Just from her behaviour, her awareness of her husband, and from her body language, I'm guessing you had her pegged before you even handed her the deck.

Eww, I wonder who'll come next week.

with love
purple_scorp

Elven,

Thanks for posting your second day. What a contrast to the first and such a great learning experience. It shows in a positive way that every reading is different. Can't wait for next weeks

Elven,

I just wanted to thank you for keeping us posted on your experiences at your new job. It's very interesting to read, the style you write in is very enlightening and I've been learning a lot just by reading this.

I'm still too afraid to read for others, too insecure, I feel too inexperienced. But I'm still young, I will get there some day. Simply because it feels right to get there.

Thanks!