squeakmo9
The King of Clouds ~Control~
I suppose control can take on many guises, looking at this card reminds me when I was younger, I'd try to "buy" or maintain my friendships by getting people expensive gifts...well...or gifts I just could not afford, but got anyway. I truly was not aware of my intentions or actions until many, many years later. Even with this type of behavior...wanting to atttract people...I was still too scared to let people in, even friends, for fear that if they knew the real me, they would reject me. Well, rejection comes anyway, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, and the "real" me is actually someone I like with each passing day.
So when I look at this King, I sense that fear. The fear of letting go, perhaps getting hurt, really hurt. As I've grown older, I'm finding that I'm not caring so much what people think of me, that is not what is important. Being open to others is still a challenge, because I am rather shy, even as an adult. Considering that this is a King, to sense his insecurity as I do, endears me to him, and yet I respect (what I sense) his need for distance. Harsh words can come from one who fears too much and doesn't understand the reasons why. Believe me, I know.
I suppose control can take on many guises, looking at this card reminds me when I was younger, I'd try to "buy" or maintain my friendships by getting people expensive gifts...well...or gifts I just could not afford, but got anyway. I truly was not aware of my intentions or actions until many, many years later. Even with this type of behavior...wanting to atttract people...I was still too scared to let people in, even friends, for fear that if they knew the real me, they would reject me. Well, rejection comes anyway, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, and the "real" me is actually someone I like with each passing day.
So when I look at this King, I sense that fear. The fear of letting go, perhaps getting hurt, really hurt. As I've grown older, I'm finding that I'm not caring so much what people think of me, that is not what is important. Being open to others is still a challenge, because I am rather shy, even as an adult. Considering that this is a King, to sense his insecurity as I do, endears me to him, and yet I respect (what I sense) his need for distance. Harsh words can come from one who fears too much and doesn't understand the reasons why. Believe me, I know.