Suggestions? A spread for when you don't know "Whodunnit" or why

Chiriku

Need suggestions...

An unpleasant event recently occurred in my life. Someone I cared for (X) accused me of being behind an online persona (C2) that was harming X. As a result, my relationship with X ended under dramatic and painful (for me circumstances.

I have no way of ever knowing for sure, but both I and all with whom I've discussed this situation suspect that X themself orchestrated everything, most likely as a way to end the relationship with me (i.e. we believe that X was the person behind the persona of C2; that X created the persona to pin the blame on me and give X an excuse for leaving the relationship).

I am composing a spread to help provide me with the closure X has denied me in disappearing from the Internet (including erasing years of prior presence in an online community we were both members of before we started interacting).

I can't figure out how to go about composing it because I don't know for 100% sure that X did this, and also because I don't want to assign motivations to either X or any third party who might really exist out there.

I also have a few theories about WHY X would have wanted to end the relationship, but again, I don't want to assign motivations that would limit the answers I might get.

I was thinking of creating two alternate spreads and pulling one card to help me determine which spread to go with.

Third Party as C2 ............. ........... v. ............................ X as C2

****1****................. ..............................................*******1******
****2*** ....................................................................**2*****3***
**3*4**5***.................................................................**4**5**6**
.....................................................................................**7*****8***

1- If there was really a third party who was C2, why X did not believe in my innocence
2- Why X erased all traces of their presence
3- What X thought of me before the "explosion" (emergence of C2 that ended r'ship)
4- What X thinks of me now
5- What X will remember or learn from the relationship with me

1- If X created C2, why X did so
2- What X thought of me over the course of the relationship
3- Why X erased all traces of their presence
4- What X thought of me at the point that X created C2
5- Why X chose to act with cruelty towards me (as opposed to 'letting me down easy')
6- How X feels about themself now, after what X has done
7- How X feels about me now
8- What X will ultimately learn from the relationship with me

Something still feels "off" with this concept.

And I don't know what exactly I will glean from the initial card I pull that will help me decide whether there was a real third party involved, or whether X was C2 all along.

Sure, if I pull The Devil, that pretty easily points to X (for reasons that also have to do with X's personality). But what if I pull something like the 7 of Pents, for instance? That doesn't really offer any clarity as to "Whodunnit."

Suggestions?

Thanks.

Cat*

Since your closure basically depends on whether X created C2 or not, you might do better with a divination method that offers a clear yes/no answer to the question "did X create C2?" (e.g. pendulum, magic 8-ball, throwing a coin). Maybe this can be answered with the tarot as well (I don't do simple yes/no questions, but I know that others have developed methods to read on them more or less accurately).

After you have clarified that, you could follow up with your closure spread.
Both of them look good to me, if you're really mostly interested in X's motives and feelings and not so much in what all of this can teach you or how you can best deal with your emotions in this matter. (This is not an implied value judgment, just an observation of the focus of the spread.)

Or you could leave the question whether X created C2 open as unanswered and focus on the rest of their motivation/feelings/whatever you need to know. While I understand wanting to be certain about that, I also believe that you could get the closure you need without knowing this.

About your doubts whether you will be able to understand the initial cards of both of your spreads: if you're supposed to know it should be fairly obvious if the card represents C or not (instead of going by "traditional" card meanings, I'd look for a general likeness to a card character or some other item that was highly symbolic of X and/or your relationship).

Hope that helps and you ultimately find the closure you need!

Chiriku

Hi, Cat.

I always look forward to reading your opinions, and your insight here is a great help to me; thanks for offering it.

I know the Yes/No type of divination makes more logical sense to answer the "Whodunnit" question. But I have a deep-down wariness of it, I suppose. I don't make light of others' spiritual beliefs or practices on this matter, but to me, such clearcut divination styles can't help but feel like pure chance, like a flip of the coin. I think I would always question the answer I was given, especially if it contradicted my instinct that X is behind all this.

Cat* said:
Or you could leave the question whether X created C2 open as unanswered and focus on the rest of their motivation/feelings/whatever you need to know. While I understand wanting to be certain about that, I also believe that you could get the closure you need without knowing this.

About your doubts whether you will be able to understand the initial cards of both of your spreads: if you're supposed to know it should be fairly obvious if the card represents C or not (instead of going by "traditional" card meanings, I'd look for a general likeness to a card character or some other item that was highly symbolic of X and/or your relationship).

I can tell you right now that The Devil would perfectly describe X's personality. I'm also thinking that any Swords cards would represent X well. (Although X had an inviting and warm persona, ultimately, we had a mostly mental connection to one another and there was a Swordsy-ness about the way we did not express emotions to one another, despite discussing "big" issues and sharing childhood memories and personal stories, etc.)

But--very tellingly, I believe, even as one who is not an astrology-devotee---X was a Scorpio and had a personality that I often intuitively sensed fit the classic Scorp personality profile. So, cards that have to do with Water, and cards that have to do with illusion or masks (The Moon, 7 of Cups in the RWS tradition) would also be fitting for X.

I think what I'll do is end up drawing a card to answer 'Whodunnit." The only system I know is Tarot, and I feel most comfortable with it. And I will post in Your Readings to get opinions, too.

You are correct that at this time, I'm more interested in X's motivations for playing such sadistic mind games and for not having the maturity (or courage, perhaps?) to simply suggest that we slow down or put on hiatus our communications.

Through my conversations with friends and family, I have already preliminarily excavated the issue of what I've learned from all this. I'll probably go back after some more time has passed (maybe a month or so) and devise another spread to glean more info on what I've learned.

But for now, for "closure," I need more insight into this bizarre episode, and why a person who had other (normal) options available to them to end a relationship would instead choose to play with someone like a cat--no disrespect meant to you, my friend---with a mouse.

I will post the final spread here and the reading in Your Readings, if you're interested to know what cards come up.

Thank again.

Chiriku

Revised spread

I think I might combine two of Cat's suggestions by doing some sort of Yes/No draw to answer the question of "Did X orchestrate all of this?" and then proceeding with a spread that does not depend on the answer to that question. Here's the revised spread:

Chiriku said:
1- What X thought of me over the course of the relationship
2- What X thought of me in the final days leading up to the "C2" affair
3- Why X chose to act with cruelty towards me (either in orchestrating this whole farce, or in damning me so harshly as I protested my innocence)
4- Why X erased all traces of their presence
5- How X feels about themself now (either after playing the disturbing C2 game, or after accusing me so harshly)
7- How X feels about me now
8- What X will ultimately learn from the relationship with me

The only thing I'm a bit iffy about is positions #3 and #5, because they are multi-part questions to which the answers could thus become muddy.

Cat*

Chiriku said:
I always look forward to reading your opinions, and your insight here is a great help to me; thanks for offering it.

I'm glad you found my input helpful!

I know the Yes/No type of divination makes more logical sense to answer the "Whodunnit" question. But I have a deep-down wariness of it, I suppose. I don't make light of others' spiritual beliefs or practices on this matter, but to me, such clearcut divination styles can't help but feel like pure chance, like a flip of the coin. I think I would always question the answer the answer I was given, especially if it contradicted my instinct that X is behind all this.

I know what you mean since I very rarely use yes/no questions or reading methods, either.

I think what I'll do is end up drawing a card to answer 'Whodunnit." The only system I know is Tarot, and I feel most comfortable with it. And I will post in Your Readings to get opinions, too.

Sounds like a good plan to me!

You are correct that at this time, I'm more interested in X's motivations for playing such sadistic mind games and for not having the maturity (or courage, perhaps?) to simply suggest that we slow down or put on hiatus our communications.

Through my conversations with friends and family, I have already preliminary excavated the issue of what I've learned from all this. I'll probably go back after some more time has passed (maybe a month or so) and devise another spread to glean more info on what I've learned.

But for now, for "closure," I need more insight into this bizarre episode, and why a person who had other normal options available to them to end a relationship would instead choose to play with someone like a cat--no disrespect meant to you, my friend---with a mouse.

No offense taken about the cat simile!

Actually, I can relate to your suspicions of betrayal, your mourning of the loss of shared digital history, and your desire to understand WHY (been there...). I also remember being focused on the WHY first - dealing with the non-immediate aftermath for me mostly came a bit later.

I will post the final spread here and the reading in Your Readings, if you're interested to know what cards come up.

I'll be keeping my eyes open for both!

Cat*

Chiriku said:
The only thing I'm a bit iffy about is positions #3 and #5, because they are multi-part questions to which the answers could thus become muddy.

The new approach looks good to me.
I don't think you need to worry all too much about #3 and #5. It will be clearer what you're asking about with each of them after you've read your first yes/no card.

Chiriku

Cat* said:
The new approach looks good to me.
I don't think you need to worry all too much about #3 and #5. It will be clearer what you're asking about with each of them after you've read your first yes/no card.

Thanks for that! I think you're right. Thanks also for the empathy about the situation, it helps.

And now here I am again, second guessing my spread positions.

I think I'm realizing that what I really want to know is something deeper than what X thought or thinks of me, per se.

What I want to know is what type of unhappiness or trouble lives within this person, that they feel empowered or enriched when they are wreaking damage (whether on a person or on an inanimate object).

I want to know why, when they feel they've been crossed, they lash out with the sting of the scorpion (or Scorpion, as it were). Apologies to the astrologers among us, but I don't think the final answer lies in the stars or planets. At least not in X's case.

I think you can probably tell that I know some things about X and their past actions--or at least things they've claimed to have done in their past---that make their treatment of me not very surprising.

I've divided the spread into 2 parts.

The X Affair

X's Mistreatment of Me

1- What X thought of me over the course of the relationship
2- What X thought of me in the final days leading up to the "C2" affair
3- Why X chose to act with cruelty towards me (either in orchestrating this whole farce, or in damning me so harshly as I protested my innocence)
4- Why X erased all traces of their presence
5- How X feels about me now
6- What X will ultimately learn from the relationship with me

About X

7- Why X often chooses the destructive path in X's dealings with others
8- Why X often chooses the destructive path in X's own life choices
9- How X feels about themself now (either after playing the disturbing C2 game, or after accusing me so harshly)

10- What lesson X needs to learn before X can be at peace

Chiriku

For those who want to see how it played out...Here's a link to the final spread in use in Your Readings:

http://www.tarotforum.net/forumdisplay.php?f=17

Cheers!