Your take on reading for a third person : ethical or not ?

Grizabella

I'm just going to speak for myself here. So much of what's posted I just think others have said those parts better than I could.

But what I want to contribute is that when I decided to learn to read the cards, I was thinking along the lines of the fun people have had in times past doing things like going to a carnival to have their fortunes told. They were mostly doing it for the novelty of it and then probably somewhere down the line some of them actually did marry a man who was tall, dark, handsome and they had 5 kids and a family legend was born.

Now that I've been studying and reading cards for almost 20 years (since 1998), I still read somewhat in that vein. Although now I know it's not all just carnival froo-froo and that it's really got merit for many reasons, I still don't put so much stock in my abilities that I'd say it was equal to reading someone's diary or snooping in their underwear drawer. I've got a pretty good track record with readings but I don't put a bunch of rigid "ethical" ropes around what I will and won't read for (or about) because I'm just not an unethical person and those who know me and have readings from me know that. I don't read on "is my spouse cheating" because I was battered for my first 40 years and there's no way I'm going to take on a reading like that and risk getting others beat up or killed. Other than that, I'm pretty liberal with readings.

All this to say that I really enjoy the old-fashioned heritage of the fortune teller and the fun people have in getting their cards read. There's been a lot of discussion in the past about whether people dress up or whether they just dress "professional casual" or something like that. I love fantasy and I love the fun of dressing somewhat flamboyantly to add to the fun. I mostly do that usually at Halloween but in the near future I'll be out busking and I'll be wearing a top hat like the Bonefire Queen of Wands (pretty much) and a crushed velvet full length cape and just having a really good time doing it when it's not Halloween. II have a top hat and I'm working on the hatband with flames like my avatar and once that's finished and I've gotten my "store-bought" teeth, Katy bar the door and let the fun begin. :D :thumbsup:

I'm 71 years old but I raised kids till I was almost 70. Now I can have some fun. :) And I won't be putting any ethics statements or disclaimers anywhere because I just know I'm not unethical. Period. So there's no need to do that, in my opinion.

ETA: I absolutely don't think anyone is wrong to have an ethics statement and to do or not do anything that they wouldn't feel right about. I'm only talking about myself and not casting any stones on anyone else. :)
 

gregory

And as far as intruding into his school life, do any of you know the amount of information at parents' disposal these days? Some school districts are so locked in with internet sites for parents to access so they can track their kid's behavior and performance. And I don't mean simply posting midterm grades, or report card info. I mean, you can check each individual class and see if they've turned in any specific piece of homework, on any given day. That's far more info than my parents ever had access to. All they got was the report card, 4 times a year. My card readings were pretty darn lacking, when compared to this kind of instant knowledge of everything your kid is doing, every single day. A good friend of mine keeps the closest of eyes on her older kid's behavior and performance at school, through the school supplied computer sites and dogs her when even just one piece of homework is late in getting turned in, I cannot imagine how high school life would have been for me if my mother had had that kind of access to be so far up my butt! Id have been grounded most of the time, just like my friend's daughter.

Knowing this kind of access exists, I just really can't see how a card reading should cause anyone concern.
Actually I think this kind of access is appalling; it causes me enormous concern and if I still had a child in school I would not use it.

It makes me recall the first day my 2 y/o went to nursery school (yes, a bit young but she had been hanging longingly over the wall every time we walked to the shop, and in the end the teacher just said "for heaven's sake just SEND her" !)
When she got home, we said "did you have fun ?
"Yus."
"What did you do ?"
She looked at us long and hard and said "not going to tell you."

And fair enough, it was none of our business. And I would NOT have used CCTV and the rest if it had been there. We all have a right to privacy. (OT - but I imagine I will not be allowed to fly into the US soon, as it seems they are about to demand that you unlock your smartphone, devices and hand over social media IDs and passwords. As I only have a tablet (and would NOT be carrying it in those circs) and have no social media IDs, and that is unbelievable even to my friends, I suspect I'd be listed as suspect and turned away. I do wonder about the land border with Canada....)
 

Barleywine

In retrospect, I must be completely unethical too since I don't want to know the client's question in advance. They could be asking silently while shuffling "Should I set fire to the house and kill my husband?" and I, seeing a bunch of Fire cards with the Sun in the near future, might just say "It looks like a gorgeous week-end for a barbecue." You just never know . .. :D
 

G6

Hello,

I have a question about ethics.

One of my rules that I try to stand for, and that I announce to my querents, is that I do not read for a third party, or for someone who is unaware that I am reading about them - unless they have given permission (because I sense that it would not be ethical)

But.
Lately I have wondered about that. I wonder if my "ethics" are not too strict.
I realise that I often disapoint my querents when I tell them I wont do such reading.
I also realise that often, I nearly break this rule myself while reading (even if at first I am not really aware of it)

Examples :

- A friend asked me a reading about her lover because she wanted to know what he really felt for her and if he intented to leave his previous life to come and live with her. I explained that I couln't base a reading on him, while she was the querent and not him.
I suggested a reading based on how she could deal with the relationship, from her point of view, instead. She accepted but she was disapointed, because it was not what she was interested about in the first place.

- Not long ago I offered to read for a friend, who is head of a local office for a big company.
He first asked a question about his daughter and her studies, which I declined.
He then asked about a new deputy director that was to arrive the next week. His worries : he himself is the director, and this new person was going to be his deputy director, thought my friend did not get to choose him (the company chose him - my friend had wished for someone else for this position).
I eplained I couln't do it like that, and I offered an alternative question : "how can you make the most of this new partnership with this new deputy-director / how can you make it work, how can you deal with the situation in the best manner for all involved"
My friend accepted this.
I did a SWOT spread, but I realised mid-reading that everything I was saying was related to "what is this new man like". I tried to veer my reading back to the question "how can you make the most of it", but the reading itself, everything I came up with, kept being mainly a description of the strenghts and weaknesses of this new deputy director.
At the end I realised I had answered my friend first question, not the question I had myself come up with.


So.
I realise that very often, what we really want to know is what other people in our life do or think, and how that can affect us.
There can be a limit to the interest querents have in readings that are always stricktly centered about them, their feelings, their hidden fears etc.
It is difficult for me to decline all my querents questions, untill they eventually accept whatever question I suggest - at that point they are already disapointed with the whole process.
And in any case, in most readings, if a third person is involved in the situation being explored, then at least part of the reading will be about this third person, what they feel, what they want, etc.

I would like to know what is your take on this issue of "reading about a person who is not aware we are reading about them" ?

Should I be more relaxed about it ? Should I accept when a friend wants the reading to be about their lover, their boss, their kids ? Or, am I right to fear that there is something "not quite right" about reading for a third person ?
How do you do it ?
Have you even ever considered such an ethic issue, or have you never given it a thought ?

Thank you for your help !

It's really up to the reader to decide. In face to face readings when sitters ask about a topic I have them pull cards and I trust they will receive the right message regardless of how they phrased the question. If you choose to filter every question through your own specific values and rephrase the questions I'm sure some people may like that style whereas others may not. That's the great benefit of having access to so many different kinds of readers; pick one you like.
 

think

In retrospect, I must be completely unethical too since I don't want to know the client's question in advance. They could be asking silently while shuffling "Should I set fire to the house and kill my husband?" and I, seeing a bunch of Fire cards with the Sun in the near future, might just say "It looks like a gorgeous week-end for a barbecue." You just never know . .. :D

:laugh:

Very true!
 

Alta

In retrospect, I must be completely unethical too since I don't want to know the client's question in advance. They could be asking silently while shuffling "Should I set fire to the house and kill my husband?" and I, seeing a bunch of Fire cards with the Sun in the near future, might just say "It looks like a gorgeous week-end for a barbecue." You just never know . .. :D
I laughed at first of course, but on consideration this is so correct. Having done readings for many years I have seen that querents take away from the reading a version re-packaged according to their own thoughts. Not even sure that they don't think that I said it.

I was reading for a woman once, a complete stranger, laid down some cards and all I said, literally all, was "I see you have mother-in-law problems" (Queen of swords juxtaposed with some other cards that cued me). This lady went off on a rant about her mother-in-law for the better part of an hour, railing about her hubby being a momma's boy, and I think something about the sister. When finished she shook my hand and told me that I had given the best reading that she had ever had. Stunned silence on my part. So, given this discussion above, which has been interesting, well, ethics seem to be a compact between reader and querent.
 

think

I'm not overly concerned with my children handing in work or even if their behaviour is bad... well I mean I obviously as a parent want them to be excellently behaved at all times. But they are individuals, they need to be allowed their independence in ways they can manage and is safe for them to do so.

But for safety. Even if my day, I played truant, I took huge risks. Drugs, underage sex, alcohol, they were all rife among my crowd of friends. I didn't have internet access really until I had left school, but then I went off meeting people, chatted to all and sundry. Now, it's so much worse. My children are precious, yes I will do whatever I can and use whatever means are necessary to prevent them being harmed.

It's worse now, you hear of children (teenagers) taking their own lives, falling prey to people that groom them, even being in rehab. I don't know if surveillance is the answer, but I don't know what else is either.
 

gregory

I had one of those BEST READING EVER ones, once (here })) - but what I said was the exact opposite of what my sitter took from it. I find that VERY disconcerting... It makes you wonder why you ever speak. :D
 

Ebony

I personally have done a lot of readings on third parties in the past. My impression of it is that tarot often just shows us one side of an issue (as normally situations are so complex that it couldn't really fully encapsulate every detail). Anyways, since it is somewhat vague in this respect, pinpointing one aspect of a situation and not an entire retelling, I haven't really seen it as incredibly morally disturbing. I think if the reader was using their intuition to pick up on more data, and the third party being read were psychic enough to pick up on the fact that they were being read, they may consider that a violation of privacy. Most people can't tell when they are being read though.

It also really depends on how psychic the tarot card reader is. The stronger their intuition, the more details they may be getting, and then likely the more violated the individual would feel were they to become aware of what happened. (unless they actually wanted that particular information to come out, everyone is different, adding to the confusion! What may be unethical and disturbing to one person may be no big deal to another) I guess this is the pickle though, since most people are not energyworkers or capable of blocking off their energy so other people can't read them, we are mostly just sitting out here with all our business flapping in the wind, for spirits and psychics to see.

In the past I was of the mind that it can be helpful to be able to get answers that you couldn't get from the person otherwise, but I have had a change of opinion in recent years. These days I see it to be less helpful because life is full of unknowns - there are just some things that we won't get information on. We have to develop the ability to manage situations without knowing everything. Basically, to come to peace with the way things are, with what we have to work with, instead of feeling like we couldn't possibly deal with a situation without knowing more about it. The fact is that the cards have their limits, some things remain hidden, and we need to become okay within ourselves with what bothers us such that even in the face of a lack of complete data we can still manage our lives.

While that is true, I do recognize that it is of value to understand the psychology of another more so, as it can help us understand ourselves all the better.

Anyways, as my final answer I do recognize it as potentially morally offensive to some people. I do recognize it to be a crutch to those seeking information that perhaps should be learning how to handle their lives with the incomplete information they have. at the same time I do see how it can deepen their understanding of human psychology to do readings on third parties. So basically the situation isn't so simple as one position being good and the other being bad. It is rather situationally based. I do third-party readings for others but these days I don't really do that much for myself as I don't really care - I would rather just resolve my own issues without needing to rely on additional information that may be inaccurate if this is an energyworker who basically has put up a glamour to make themselves seem different than how they truly are. I guess since I have encountered a lot of that I recognize that I can't 100% rely on what I pick up since if I am dealing with someone with those abilities what I get may be false. In those cases I really just need to rely on my own judgment, logic, and feelings to guide my interactions. I may reconsider my stance on how to handle readings for other people in the future, but right now I don't care that much as I don't do that many readings for others. (I could possibly try to review before the reading if it would even be helpful to the individual asking to answer such a question and if it would be potentially offensive to the third party) I also recognize it isn't possible to do only "good" as we can only control our actions, not the results, as the future and the reactions of others are not entirely set in stone.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk