reading tarot to figure out another person?

YES GO FOR A 3 CARD BUT NOT PPF ask how he feels about me read the cards as a whole then re shuffle and move on to your next question and so on until you have the answers or guidance that is right for you now. Do not ask the same question twice. as for clarifying cards forget it, read what is in front of you, if you don't understand the cards write them down and come back to them when you feel the inspiration, insight coming through. Mr Green

Nemia said:

You will get different answers to this question. It's a matter of personal preference.

I understand the curiosity that leads to questions which might intrude into another person's inner life. I simply ask myself: how would I feel if somebody else would try to figure me out, using the instruments that he has? I wouldn't like it. If I don't reveal feelings, there is a good reason, and I want my inner motivations kept private when I choose not to show them.

And there is no reason why somebody else shouldn't have the same right.

I also suspect that especially in the urgent heart-ache cases our own emotions will colour the reading anyway, and we will probably get the answers we fear or desire.

However, it is always good to ask questions where the answer is an "action item" for ourselves. What can I do to understand him better? How can I get closer to him? There is definitely a grey area where our own emotions and those of another person meet and are enmeshed. But the other person always has to have the chance to keep his/her distance and to protect his/herself, at least in my view.

I use tarot for self exploration and awareness, not for fortune telling or "discovering secrets". Maybe I simply lack the talent others have for uncovering such secrets :-D and simply hide behind a cloak of morality my inability of answering such questions...

I read mostly for myself and for one or two good friends of mine. They did ask me question of the "does he love me" variety and I always requested to re-formulate the question. But I'm certain many other readers would have answered, and probably correct.

You may wish to ask the cards whether there are clues he gave you that you overlooked, and which clues they were. I find that the tarot gives us often answers that we could have given ourselves but didn't know how. The tarot "lifts" these answers from the unconscious muddle into the light.

I wouldn't use a generic spread like the Celtic Cross that is loaded with so much information not pertaining to the question of the relationship. I'd create a compact, specific spread for this use, and not too many cards, not more than four.

I always like to "milk" a few cards for all they're worth but others prefer larger spreads or pull clarification cards or do maths to find the essence cards. I don't do all this. Which absolutely doesn't mean that I'm right. For me, this approach works best.

ETA: Maybe I misunderstood but - do you do the Celtic Cross very often? I don't know what others think but IMO the CC is a very dense and sometimes rambling spread that should be repeated only after some of its lessons have been internalized and put into practice. If there is no change of situation, I don't do the CC. Just my two cent...

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What the card gives you? Answers, information
What the information is these days ? Power

The person doing such readings is abusing with the power the taro instrument and system gives them. If it is fine by them to do that then it is fine to ask such questions. Personally i believe that in the game called WAR and the game called LOVE - there are no rules, use it. I cant figure out why someone will ask the cards such questions if he does not play one of these very dangerous games.

RaaD said:

What the card gives you? Answers, information
What the information is these days ? Power

The person doing such readings is abusing with the power the taro instrument and system gives them. If it is fine by them to do that then it is fine to ask such questions. Personally i believe that in the game called WAR and the game called LOVE - there are no rules, use it. I cant figure out why someone will ask the cards such questions if he does not play one of these very dangerous games.

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What do you mean by rules? Surely there is no "relationship police" that puts you to jail when you choose to manipulate or blackmail the ones you love. There are some standards though. And most people stick to them because they want to keep their respect for themselves, and because they don't want to end up as a lonesome psychopath who is being avoided by everybody.

Anyway, information about others in a personal relationship is not about power only. It is also about harmony, empathy, emotional security, and about finding a reliable basis for the relationship. In general there is nothing wrong (ethically) about seeking information in order to get a better understanding of other people in my book.

But forcing or tricking people out to get information they don't want to give away doesn't seem very promising to me, because people who hold back some emotions won't like to discuss theories about those emotions either. And the case Sofia81 described in the opening post is about someone who also seems to be quite ambiguous. Even if the information is only for the reader themselves, the most accurate result will be as chaotic and contradictive as the mind of the person the reading is about. My personal experience (from both sides of the fence) is that any relationship with people whose emotions are ambiguous or contradictive only causes pain and hassle no matter how much you try or manage to find out about them. Waiting until their mind and emotions have settled to give a consistent picture (or until it becomes clear that this will never happen anyway) is best thing to do. Just my two cents.

ETA: grammer correction

I'll start off with your second question, because it sounds like the less complicated one to answer.

Would it be accurate? People have different perspectives on what the Tarot is (is it some sort of spiritual thing? Is it much more mundane than that?) but even if you're looking at it from the divination angle, it sounds like it could be inaccurate or, at the very least, easy to interpret incorrectly.

A good guideline of Tarot is to not ask questions you're very personally interested in, especially if you're starting out. Nobody's going to go to your house and take away your deck and your membership to this forum if you do. In fact, I'm sure plenty of us did or do this. Nevertheless, it's still probably wise to keep in mind why people often use that guideline to begin with.

If you ask a question about something you're personally involved with, you probably have a specific outcome that you wish for. Even if you're not doing it intentionally, it's very easy to end up projecting, and seeing what you want to see on the cards. It could very well happen that a reading could tell you that he felt a friendly sort of affection to you and you could believe he's in love with you, or he could be in love with you but if that seems too implausible you may end up assuming it's just friendliness.

Is it ethical? If you believe that the Tarot can give you any real answers about his feelings, then I would say it's about as ethical as snooping through his Facebook messages or stealing his mail. Which means, not very.

Regardless of whether it would work or not, it's not a very good start to any relationship if you resort to means other than direct communication to try to find out information that he's kept private from you.

If it didn't work or if you interpreted it incorrectly, you could end up making matters worse. If it worked, it still wouldn't tell you exactly what to do with that information.

If you need some guidance and want to resort to the Tarot for that, I suggest making your questions about things you can do something about and which are about you. What can you do to improve communication? How can you improve your self-confidence (if you feel too shy or nervous to talk to him about it)? What would be the best way to approach the subject? Are there any clues you're missing that you should pay attention to because they're good signs or red flags?

Something like that puts the focus on you and your actions. It helps you think about what you can do on your end. If he doesn't feel the same way, there isn't a lot you can do. If he's causing problems in your relationship and being hurtful to you, then at least you'll have a clear conscience from knowing you've done your part and he didn't do his. It's also important that you're able to know what's most emotionally healthy for you (and him) and whether those problems are a sign you should fight on or simply choose your battles and find someone else who may be more compatible with you. Ultimately, that's what matters, that you were able to analyse your behaviour, fix any flaws, and be honest if the problem isn't you.

I believe that the cards can answer anything and everything. They have the ability to answer that kind of question.

The next question comes up that some people will believe it is not completely moral to read on another person without their permission or without them asking for a reading. There are differing views on it. My feeling is that it depends on a lot of things. Each case can be different. But there has been a lot of debate on AT on that. Honestly for me, whether it is moral or not depends on the reason that the person wants to know.

If it is for some negative reason, to make fun of or laugh at the person or even just voyeurism or curiosity for no other reason, then no. That feels immoral to me. If there is a positive reason, like the person wants to understand to create more peace in the situation or help the other person then there is nothing wrong with that to me. And that is a good positive thing.

My belief is that Tarot is not a reflection of my unconscious NOR do the cards have a mind of their own. (or any mind at all) I see divination as a conversation with the Divine, literally. I believe that when I ask the cards questions it is literally God/my angels who are using the cards as a tool to send me the answers.

Since they know everything, the cards can answer anything.

Babs

An interesting thing that I've done is sit in a coffee shop and drawn cards for the other people sitting around me, I don't ask specific questions, just what do the cards want to tell me about them.....I would never ever divulge what I get from the cards, it's just an interesting exercise. Otherwise I think intention has everything to do with whether reading to figure out another person is cool.

No one can know if the reading is accurate except for the person you are reading on. If you are reading on a person's thoughts and feelings without their permission then it is considered unethical in the same way that reading someone's diary is unethical. Going back to the first point on its accuracy, unless you are psychic (in which case you probably won't need cards) you'll never know.

skipbosco said:

An interesting thing that I've done is sit in a coffee shop and drawn cards for the other people sitting around me, I don't ask specific questions, just what do the cards want to tell me about them...

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I would absolutely hate that and be really annoyed if I saw someone in a cafe doing that.

ana luisa said:

Beautiful post, Nemia! I agree that people wouldn´t like being spyed on. However, I believe third party reading is ok or not depending on the intention more than the act itself. If you take the CC for instance, there is a card (usually 8)that asks about how others see you. Would that be prying ? Also, the great many readings refer to people taking part in the querent´s life. If you ask about what your boss thinks of your work , that´s a third party reading. If you ask why your partner broke up with you, that´s a third party reading. So, imo, if you read about someone else to help them out, or with good intentions, that should be ok. If, on the other hand, you just want to investigate their lives for the sheer pleasure of invading their privacy, that would be a no-no. Again, quite controversial.

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Very well said and very true.

caridwen said:

I would absolutely hate that and be really annoyed if I saw someone in a cafe doing that.

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Well how would you even know what the person was doing with the cards? If they're just thumbing through their cards silently you wouldn't just automatically know they were doing it to read about the people around them. They might just be going through their deck and not even knowing you exist.

Grizabella said:

Well how would you even know what the person was doing with the cards? If they're just thumbing through their cards silently you wouldn't just automatically know they were doing it to read about the people around them. They might just be going through their deck and not even knowing you exist.

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The poster says that is what they are doing. I am saying that if I knew or saw that I would hate it and be very annoyed. To say that I would not know is a badly constructed strawman.