People asking frustrating questions?

I feel terrible asking / saying this. But yesterday I did a reading for a lovely person, who asked a very frustrating question. They wanted me to ask the tarot what to call their baby...which I actually found kind of alarming.

They said they had a few names in mind and wanted to know whether they should choose one or the other. I have to be honest, and admit...I felt very frustrated by this question. I obviously didn't vent my frustration and continued with the reading and with what I felt was being spoken to them on other matters. I basically ignored that question, which I don't feel was the right thing to do...but I honestly just wanted to say "sweet heart, you and you alone have to decide what to call your baby...now, onward!" But I didn't want to sound rude or make them feel silly.

I often feel frustrated by some of the things people ask, purely because I feel as though that is not what tarot is for, at all. I often get people saying "when will I get back with my ex?", for example. And, 9 times out of 10 (even common sense tells me) that they will not get back with their ex...but more importantly, I feel as though there's such deeper, more beautiful lessons to be learnt from having a reading...that are sometimes missed because people just want to know answers to obscure, highly variable things.

Does anyone have advice on how to politely guide people to asking more suitable questions...if that makes sense?

Blessed be! xo

You really have to respect the client's feelings. If they've gone to the trouble of seeking out a reader on a given issue - which most people don't do every day - then even if it seems trivial and unimportant to you, it is important to them.

Take the example of the question about what to name a child. Perhaps what they mightn't have told you was that they have been dreaming about deceased aunts, uncles, grandparents etc, and felt that perhaps the dream meant that they were being spiritually guided to a particular name, and sought a reader to confirm that or to use their "spiritual" cards to pick between several names offered by the Otherworld.

Yes, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but perhaps a child is influenced by their name, its history, and how the adults around them react to them which can often be influenced by the choice of a name (someone I know recently named a baby boy Loki, and many of her supposedly adult friends now refuse to interact with the baby, believing it would be bad luck to do so just because of the name).

There are any number of reasons why someone might tell you an array of names, and be desperate enough to ask you to ask your cards which one is best for their child. You can never tell just why people ask the questions they ask. We can judge them, but that is our issue, not theirs.

(Except in the case of the one client, who wanted to know if her husband would die before her so that she could inherit his money, because she sure-as-hell didn't want "the old coot" to inherit hers. But then again, maybe there was more to it than it seemed, and I'm being unacceptably judgemental. I did read for her.)

SilkyRaven8 said:

I feel as though there's such deeper, more beautiful lessons to be learnt from having a reading...that are sometimes missed because people just want to know answers to obscure, highly variable things.
Blessed be! xo

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What can you think of that's deeper and more beautiful than conceiving, carrying and raising a child? Did you think of that? That's the most beautiful and most challenging thing anyone can do. As nisaba said, she felt that naming the child was so important spiritually that she asked a reader to help decide the name.

We as readers sometimes miss deep, beautiful lessons we could learn by reading for our sitters because we judge them by our own standards, which is definitely not what we're there to do.

I absolutely agree that conceiving, carrying and giving birth to a child is incredibly beautiful, and I am constantly in awe of that! I in no means am putting this lovely lady down for asking it, but I am simply admitting that I found it frustrating, and I also, trying to understand why, so that I can grow and move forward.

I suppose I struggle a great deal with the responsibility that people place on the reader, and how they can take our words as gospel. I dislike that strongly, and always encourage readers that the future is, at the end of the day and after all is said and done, what they make of it. I feel as though naming a child is a very personal choice, and I feel as though I have no place to tell them what to name their child. I am not creating the child, their body is.

It simply made me feel uneasy.

Thank you so much by the way for the feedback. It is so valuable to me!

I am constantly learning on this amazing forum.

I guess this might boil down to how we view tarot. I don't view it as some outside entity making up people's minds for them, but as something that works with their mind. If they had names in mind and I laid out some cards, I would talk about each card in detail to see if they picked anything up. I guess if I thought there was some ghost floating around telling people what to do through tarot without any interest in them at all, I might feel differently. Of course then I wouldn't do tarot (maybe). So come to think of it, even if someone is one of those people thinking that these are messages from angels, why wouldn't you want some feedback on a baby name? Sounds ok to me.

SilkyRaven8: I understand your frustration. People sometimes seem to want someone else to make important decisions for them. A weak and cowardly thing to do. But if you really are stuck with a do I or don't I? moment, maybe the cards can help.

I believe the cards can only give you information, I always say the future is still yours to create, I cannot tell you what it WILL be. So when people ask (even obliquely) what am I doing in the future, I tell them that is cheating, I can't tell them what they WILL decide in the future, so they can then do what they decide.

In this case, if the people asking are saying, I have a couple names, all of which I love but I JUST CAN'T DECIDE, pulling a card for each can be helpful in seeing how they feel about them DEEP inside. Are they hanging on to one because the family wants it and they don't? Are they committed to one because it was a childhood fantasy name that really they are not sure about now?

Pull one card for each name and read about it. It may give them the insight they need to decide. Or not. maybe it really requires a flip of the coin....
check out this site for that:

https://www.freakonomicsexperiments.com/

Barb

PS: I asked if I should tell about this site on the forum and it said to go ahead! (I flip a coin about it.)

Ace said:

SilkyRaven8: I understand your frustration. People sometimes seem to want someone else to make important decisions for them. A weak and cowardly thing to do. But if you really are stuck with a do I or don't I? moment, maybe the cards can help.

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This is what I mean, indeed. I fear that people will force me to tell them how to make their important decisions, when really, I just want to help them look within themselves to make the best decision. I can relate it to it, certainly, because I know making certain decisions can be incredibly hard, and having someone hand you things is easier...but we cannot hand them all things, only things which can help them help themselves, for example.

I think that they are very strong people, however, for reaching out and asking, and I truly admire that. I would love them to feel more confidence in themselves, is all I am eluding to, at the end of the day, and I think that is where the frustration arises.

But this conversation has really helped me, so very much! I feel like I really understand now why it is important to run with these type of questions, even if, personally, they're not something you would ask and something you initially feel isn't relevant. Understanding why they are asking the question is the most important thing, and it's all about the sitter, not the reader. Again, thank you all for your amazing feedback!

Blessed be! x

SilkyRaven8 said:

I feel terrible asking / saying this. But yesterday I did a reading for a lovely person, who asked a very frustrating question. They wanted me to ask the tarot what to call their baby...which I actually found kind of alarming.

They said they had a few names in mind and wanted to know whether they should choose one or the other. I have to be honest, and admit...I felt very frustrated by this question. I obviously didn't vent my frustration and continued with the reading and with what I felt was being spoken to them on other matters. I basically ignored that question, which I don't feel was the right thing to do...but I honestly just wanted to say "sweet heart, you and you alone have to decide what to call your baby...now, onward!" But I didn't want to sound rude or make them feel silly.

I often feel frustrated by some of the things people ask, purely because I feel as though that is not what tarot is for, at all. I often get people saying "when will I get back with my ex?", for example. And, 9 times out of 10 (even common sense tells me) that they will not get back with their ex...but more importantly, I feel as though there's such deeper, more beautiful lessons to be learnt from having a reading...that are sometimes missed because people just want to know answers to obscure, highly variable things.

Does anyone have advice on how to politely guide people to asking more suitable questions...if that makes sense?

Blessed be! xo

Click to expand...

There is a sign outside my reading booth that lists every spread I do, how many cards are in the spread and the fee. On the left-hand side of the board before the name of the spread I write a sample question that helps the client decide which spread to choose. For instance, for the Guiding Spirit spread the question is, "who is my guiding spirit?" For the Past Life Relationship Spread it is "who were we?" For the Caught Between Two Lovers spread it is "which one will he/she choose? Simple, but it focuses the client's point of view and the question they ask. And, just as importantly, they like it.

It helps to consider the types of questions that a spread is designed to answer, and also to clarify for yourself the types of questions the cards can respond to......beforehand. As an example, I won't use the tarot cards in the spirit of levity or for personal gain, or to predict an outcome, or tell them what to do. I saw an unidentified quote recently that might come in handy: "Your cards are in my hands, but your life is in your hands". It is important to clarify the types of issues you are willing to address, not only for yourself, but also to help the client formulate their question in a way that your readings will be most satisfying for them. In other words, think proactively, do the research and be ready to handle "off the wall" issues.

Some wonderful words of wisdom already given. When I initially read the original post,my first thought was to think of the question as a decision making question. Did you ask why she wanted help choosing a name? Did she have a few in mind and wanted to choose, or did she expect you to pull a name out of the cards?

I can see having a few names in mind and pulling a card for each name showing pros and cons in choosing a name for the child. I can see having a few reasons for various names in mind and then helping her decide.

But I agree, if the querant expected you to pull a card and say,"Name the child Lucy" that would make me feel a little uncomfortable, too.

I learned early in my tarot reading that the people who ask me questions I find frustrating are often not expecting me to completely solve the problem at hand. Many times, they have pondered the question for a long time, searching for their own answers from lots of sources, and just want to see what the cards have to say as another means of input. We need to give out querants more credit sometimes. They really do have a thought process going on whether we notice it or not

(Will you remind me of my own words when I have to do a "does he love me and is he coming back" reading for the 12th time for the same sitter on a different love interest?)