Overcoming death in Scorpio - a case study

Here is an extreme short version of my horoscope and life – I wrote this so others could learn, and I must admit I’m a bit proud of it because I’ve truly been through hell.

I was born Aug. 15th 1966 at 9 pm in Sandefjord, Norway (59dg00minNorth – 10dg14minEast)

It’s my South Node in Scorpio – in conjunction with Neptune and square The Sun – that catches my attention these days.

I have a peaceful North Node in Taurus in 1st house – a place where Buddha gave his blessings. But before I could reach that point, I need to deal with my past (south node) in Scorpio in 7th house, since it’s strong aspected.

Scorpio has for me a special meaning – and that is death and fear of death. So according to my horoscope, I need to deal with that before I could move on to the garden of Taurus and Buddha, so to speak.

What are the tools I need to do that? Well, let me look at the aspecting planets.

First Neptune. This is a true poetic planet, and I would use the phrase “deep blue” for it. It means deep love anchored in feelings in the heart and the belly. It has to do with the collective part of the psyche, so here it’s about loving mankind more than just one person. Deep empathy is needed to deal with Scorpio’s death.

Then The Sun. It has to do with identity, so here the normal Leo sun is blocked. It means, I will be forced to give up typical Leo traits to overcome death – or in other words – my strong identity has to die (like the ego has to experience true love) – and here is a significant part of the death I need to go through.

What has happened to me in real life, is that I have been severe depressed. It ended with me having a dream where I was conscious and where I was threathened by two people with a gun, and though I had clear and real thoughts in my dream – I raised my both arms and said that I wanted to die. I haven’t been afraid of dying since. I used an “awaked dream” to get rid of my fear. Later I had a dream that an airplane was about to crash right over me, and it made me happy.

Of course this is an extremely short version of all the struggle in my life. I have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia (Saturn in Pisces in 12. House – the most difficult placement of Saturn one can have) – and my whole horoscope has the topic of “ego must die to become part of the wholeness”.

I have demons on the inside, and what I’ve experienced lately is that I by pulling my “death card” – it means loving death and the fact that it is sort of Jesus Christ to me (doesn’t make a difference on people and takes all), makes the demons go away in fear.

So me embracing death is me embracing my Scorpio south node.

I hope I can move towards North Node in Taurus and 1st house now

Thanks for your personal observations on you natal chart. Astrological symbolism has a strong personal dimension in terms of interpretation.

You might be interested in Mitchell E. Gibson's book 'Signs Of Mental Illness', which among other things, has a chapter on schizophrenia. I'm not saying that this is definitive, or even that I agree with it but its interesting to get the views of a practising psychaitrist, who also has a deep interest in Astrology.

You might also explore the use of solar returns, primary directions, secondary progressions, transits and other predictive techniques applied to key times in your life.

i have afriend who also struggles with schizophrenia and some how manages a full life kid husband job

some times better then me just because she faces things head on
but thanks for that incredible imaginary

it was so beautiful read it over a few times

Thank you for the replies!

Minderviz: You're so right! For me symbols, and the inituitive feeling I get from them, seems to be my way of using astrology. Though I find great insight in reading interpretations from Liz Greene and others, my own language is more of a poetic one and filled with symbols.

I looked up the book at Amazon and it seems interesting. Too bad it's not available on Kindle. But I might order the paperback.

I will look out for those transits and other things that affects my psyche. I thought of investing in the software Solar Fire for that. Or do you have other suggestions?

Daisy: Thank you for appreciating my little story. I think your schizophrenic friend must be happy to have you around

Solar Fire is good and fully featured, another good program is John Halloran's AstrolDeluxe Report Writer

http://www.halloran.com/dlwin.htm

I have versions of them both....however you might also look at Morinus 6.2

https://sites.google.com/site/pymorinus/

This program is free....and to be honest does most of what the other two do. It doesn't have built in reports and doesn't have the full range of features but for free it's amazing. You might find it does all that you want. I now rarely use the paid for software and rely on Morinus, perhaps 95% of the time.

Minderwiz said:

Solar Fire is good and fully featured, another good program is John Halloran's AstrolDeluxe Report Writer

http://www.halloran.com/dlwin.htm

I have versions of them both....however you might also look at Morinus 6.2

https://sites.google.com/site/pymorinus/

This program is free....and to be honest does most of what the other two do. It doesn't have built in reports and doesn't have the full range of features but for free it's amazing. You might find it does all that you want. I now rarely use the paid for software and rely on Morinus, perhaps 95% of the time.

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I looked at both Morinus and Solar Fire now. The first one I didn't understand much of, and I think Solar Fire is better for me. But I have to say that the interpretations in Solar Fire was a sad chapter. IMO they could have skipped the two lines of interpretations and wrote some keywords instead because they seem to be more confusing than helping.

I think I will use the website at www.astro.com and pay some dollars for a one-year or six-year analysis by Liz Greene. She's the best interpretor I know...

You get more support with Solar Fire (and AsrtrolDeluxe) but you pay for it I agree wit you about the interpretations....I've never used them. To be honest I don't know why they are included because if you are willing to spend $360 on an Astrology program you probably know enough not to need built in interpretations......especially as they are necessarily from one particular stand point and will not appeal to a large group of Astrologers (though for varying reasons). Omitting them would bring the price down significantly.

These days there's no such thing as a unified approach to Astrology, with various schools and approaches vying to be represented in software. The result tends to be overblown software with features that most Astrologers don't use ( though sadly not the same features). So you either pay a reasonable to higher price for software that tries to be all things to all Astrologers, or you look for something that meets your needs specifically. The former contain features you'll never use and don't contain things you want, whereas the latter either can't be found at all or if they can, cost an arm and a leg.

For the generalist SF is probably the best buy.....but you won't use most of its features. Morinus requires an investment of time and effort, if you don't follow the main page....so there's a cost either way. And to be honest both require some additional reading, as you begin to venture into new areas.

Astro.com comes with reasonable features and some good authorities /(though their ideas have developed or changed since the were recorded'. I like Liz Greene too, especially since she's tried to blend traditional and modern approaches.

It's a matter of delving into Astrology, picking those areas you are interested in and picking software accordingly. You will not make a mistake with SF, but you might find something that suits your needs more cheaply.

Tor!

Scorpio has for me a special meaning – and that is death and fear of death. So according to my horoscope, I need to deal with that before I could move on to the garden of Taurus and Buddha, so to speak.

Where did you get this, if you don't mind me asking?

Tor,

I am sorry to read about your diagnosis and severe depression positions hunting you. Maybe it is due to the fact you do not pursue what you should/need in your life.

Well, you will get a chance this year, for sure, as the transiting Saturn-Mars conjunction just happen to fall on your Sun, ruller of the 6th and will be present (in Solar return) all year and squaring your Nodal Axis. Thus, take advantage of this you should gear up and 'PUMP IRON' the folowing 9-12 months. Make new connections, meet people, go out, speak up!!!!!!!!!!! Depression is a habit, it is a habit, it is a habit, it is so! And further develops in more serious diagnoses, needing clinical support.

Furthermore, you should take VERY GOOD care of your nutritional management intake as the diggestion system is one of the parts in your body, which might be affected in your life.

May I ask you, how do you help people? How do you help others? How do you serve others and carry-out your messages you need to speak in order to shine, to be appreciated, recognized, and praized?

I, and many others, do not agree with you that Saturn in the 12th is a "bad" placement. It is a part of you, and maybe you should examine the house Saturn rules first. It rules your 10th house (career, problematic?), father (?) emotionaly unavailable while growing up, or somehow out of the picture. Saturn is further Retrograde, this suggest your career might be 'put on hold' at some point, or you have pursued (pursue) careers where your inner need to shine is not supported and satisfied.

I don't know how much education you have obtained, or what your educational background is, but I hope you are in some teaching, mentoring, coaching, helping position in your career, or at least as a hobby. Your horoscope shows so much potential. It is upon you to grasp it, tame it, and use it for good! Now is the time! With that Moon Oriental (last planet rising before the Sun does) one must feel the need to carry out his/her personal message -- look at Vatican -- with that Moon oriental in their horoscope - they carry out their message pretty damn well?!

You are a summer birth, and you must feel life is now somehow want to tear you appart, making adjustment in career, and public life. Seek help and support, if you don't have.

For managing nutritional intake I highly suggest a long-forgotten (from the sixties) book by Henry Bieler, MD, Food is Your Best Medicine. You can get it in German language as well (if you speak German).

There is much more suggested in your horoscope, and this is the time to make those adjustment, it will happen slowly, but you need to get your gear together!

Sincerely,

Chilla

ChillaB said:

Scorpio has for me a special meaning – and that is death and fear of death. So according to my horoscope, I need to deal with that before I could move on to the garden of Taurus and Buddha, so to speak.

Where did you get this, if you don't mind me asking?

Tor,

I am sorry to read about your diagnosis and severe depression positions hunting you. Maybe it is due to the fact you do not pursue what you should/need in your life.

Well, you will get a chance this year, for sure, as the transiting Saturn-Mars conjunction just happen to fall on your Sun, ruller of the 6th and will be present (in Solar return) all year and squaring your Nodal Axis. Thus, take advantage of this you should gear up and 'PUMP IRON' the folowing 9-12 months. Make new connections, meet people, go out, speak up!!!!!!!!!!! Depression is a habit, it is a habit, it is a habit, it is so! And further develops in more serious diagnoses, needing clinical support.

Furthermore, you should take VERY GOOD care of your nutritional management intake as the diggestion system is one of the parts in your body, which might be affected in your life.

May I ask you, how do you help people? How do you help others? How do you serve others and carry-out your messages you need to speak in order to shine, to be appreciated, recognized, and praized?

I, and many others, do not agree with you that Saturn in the 12th is a "bad" placement. It is a part of you, and maybe you should examine the house Saturn rules first. It rules your 10th house (career, problematic?), father (?) emotionaly unavailable while growing up, or somehow out of the picture. Saturn is further Retrograde, this suggest your career might be 'put on hold' at some point, or you have pursued (pursue) careers where your inner need to shine is not supported and satisfied.

I don't know how much education you have obtained, or what your educational background is, but I hope you are in some teaching, mentoring, coaching, helping position in your career, or at least as a hobby. Your horoscope shows so much potential. It is upon you to grasp it, tame it, and use it for good! Now is the time! With that Moon Oriental (last planet rising before the Sun does) one must feel the need to carry out his/her personal message -- look at Vatican -- with that Moon oriental in their horoscope - they carry out their message pretty damn well?!

You are a summer birth, and you must feel life is now somehow want to tear you appart, making adjustment in career, and public life. Seek help and support, if you don't have.

For managing nutritional intake I highly suggest a long-forgotten (from the sixties) book by Henry Bieler, MD, Food is Your Best Medicine. You can get it in German language as well (if you speak German).

There is much more suggested in your horoscope, and this is the time to make those adjustment, it will happen slowly, but you need to get your gear together!

Sincerely,

Chilla

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Chilla;

That Scorpio has to do with death, is a most common thing I've known for years and that I've read in many books. Not just the sign itself, but also it's ruler Pluto.

12th house is known for being related to institutions and prisons, and I've been in both.

I really appreciate that you used so much time and effort on me, but though I agree with a lot of what you're saying - I must admit that embracing my Taurus north node is the most important task for me.

To actively seek out personal development and a personal career, is for me so demanding that I just fail every time. As an example, I did some volunteer work for the homeless in Manila once, only to experience that both internal and external forces were against it. You see my diagnosis means I have voices in my head, and when they decide to fight me I am doomed to loose.

I believe though in the common unconscious, and that one doesn't have to act out all the love or all the ideas one have. It will be picked up anyway.

So now I just seek peace with my Goddess.

I recently read in a book that some old thinker said that Grace was above Fate, and that I truly believe in. I don't need more advices or so-called support that just ends up being a burden. That is important to remember when you do astrology - be an allied, not a nazi, so to speak

Tor said:

Chilla;

That Scorpio has to do with death, is a most common thing I've known for years and that I've read in many books. Not just the sign itself, but also it's ruler Pluto.

12th house is known for being related to institutions and prisons, and I've been in both.

I really appreciate that you used so much time and effort on me, but though I agree with a lot of what you're saying - I must admit that embracing my Taurus north node is the most important task for me.

To actively seek out personal development and a personal career, is for me so demanding that I just fail every time. As an example, I did some volunteer work for the homeless in Manila once, only to experience that both internal and external forces were against it. You see my diagnosis means I have voices in my head, and when they decide to fight me I am doomed to loose.

I believe though in the common unconscious, and that one doesn't have to act out all the love or all the ideas one have. It will be picked up anyway.

So now I just seek peace with my Goddess.

I recently read in a book that some old thinker said that Grace was above Fate, and that I truly believe in. I don't need more advices or so-called support that just ends up being a burden. That is important to remember when you do astrology - be an allied, not a nazi, so to speak

Click to expand...

I think there comes a time in the life of every Astrology student when they have to embark on a voyage of discovery. That voyage may lead to a clear understanding, or it may lead to a rocky end, but either way it leads to a better understanding of the scope and depth of Astrology.

Your voyage is clearly a very personal one and one that you feel passionate about and I think it's a good thing to undertake it because if you don't you will not confront some of your demons and reach that further personal development you seek.

All that I would add to what you have so eloquently said is be prepared to question everything as you go, even your seeming foundations for your voyage. But don't question in a negative way, question in the hope and intention of learning and developing - don't get rid of your foundations, until you are convinced you've found something even more stable and sure.

Like Chilla, I don't agree with everything you've said about Scorpio, Saturn and the Twelfth. I speak as someone who has Saturn on My Ascendant (last few degrees of the twelfth) and Mercury, Venus and Jupiter in Scorpio (as is my IC). If I was into Chiron, that would be there too. I've learned that Saturn actually is quite happy (or at least as happy as Saturn can be) in the twelfth - it is traditionally the Joy of Saturn. Death is something that is associated with either fourth or eighth Houses (and even the Seventh at times) rather than a sign which can appear anywhere in a chart. But arguing that is not enough, you have to go through your own experience and your own learning development.

That being said, Scorpio as a fixed Water sign, is not particularly associated with fun places - stagnant and brackish water, quagmires, creeping beasts and beetles and diseases of the bladder, stones, piles and STDs are definitely not fun things. It may or may not be that Pluto is associated with Scorpio but as you explore the basis of Sign Rulership, you'll see that it's Mars. If you reject Mars as ruler, then you are left with no basis other than your personal view of planets, as to what planet rules what sign. The South Node is also traditionally not a happy bunny.

Now given the latitude of your birth, I'd suggest you try looking at your chart using Whole Sign houses. With an Aries Ascendant, that makes Scorpio your eighth House. Now we have a link between Scorpio and Death, that is not there in the more general nature of the Sign, but is there in the specific nature of your chart.

I rarely use the outer planets, but I recognise that they may have some significance to those Psychological Astrologers, and indeed may well be irreplaceable in such an approach. From that point of view, the most interesting thing in your chart is the sextile between South Node and Neptune in Scorpio and Pluto and Uranus in Virgo. The widest arc here is 3 degrees of separation from the sextile. involving these pairs.

The sixth (Virgo) is the house of illness and disease - in your case the problem is signified by Mercury (communications and rational understanding) and a Virgo basis, which is often associated with stress related and nervous problems. Some modern Astrologers see Uranus as a 'higher octave' of Mercury but also associated with erratic behaviour To me Neptune is probably only meaningful when viewed as a symbol of the combination of the debilitated natures of the Moon and Venus - the opposite of structure, lack of any self discipline, insecurity, and inhibition, escapist in nature. So one of your tasks should be to seek out the positive meanings of these two planets, especially as Venus rules Taurus, where you see you hopes lying.

I see Uranus as the combination of the debilitated natures of Mercury, Moon and Saturn, a break down in reason, or alternatively it's assertion in the face of evidence that it's not working, impatience, frenetic behaviour, purposeless change, insecurity, fear, need to change. I don't really see Pluto as useful at all, but compulsion, egocentric behaviour, ruthlessness and manipulation are probably what it is usually taken to represent, a debilitated Mars. Again that sextile combination of the outers is something you might like to explore, not because it's the essential you but because it lies in two of the key houses that are NOT the essential you - but are difficult experiences.

Incidentally, for what it's worth both the combinations I've outlined are associated with a lack of religious faith' so establishing that faith seems to be a key part of your own personal voyage to date.

Look at the conjunction betwen Mars and Jupiter in your fourth where Mars is debilitated in Fall but Jupiter is in exaltation. And finally look at that stellium in Leo - it falls in your fifth House - the house which shows how you enjoy yourself and have fun. The obvious question is whith four planets in your fifth house, you should be a very fun oriented person - are you though, and if not what can you do to explore that side of your nature. Here you might want to look at the square between Neptune/South Node and the Sun, which rules your fifth.

I've not looked at your underlying temperament here - simply given you some things to explore. I don't ask you to agree with my interpretations, or even take these as being key things in your chart but they are ports that you might care to visit in your voyage, and in stopping there you might discover things that help or can be discarded in your quest.