Savoyali
Just thought I'd share this experience we had together lately. Hope that's okay
There is a major ripple going through my life right now, as I'm taking up my university studies again. For a while it looked like I wasn't going to finish at all, as I was having issues that needed working through but weren't, mostly a general feeling of stupidity and inadequacy for academia in general. I was extremely nervous about going back, and entirely unsure of myself, so I asked the Fae to help me through this first, most important week.
It began on Wednesday of the previous week, when I was going to meet the professor to talk about the seminar I was going to take. So much depended on this teacher I had never seen before, and I would have to pick a topic for a presentation (the mere thought of presentations scares me to no end). I shuffled the deck and asked if one of them would be willing to accompany me to this meeting, help me pluck up some courage to get me through it. Ilbe the Retriever came to the top of the stack.
'Hello,' he said softly, 'I'll come with you. Don't worry.'
We had not met before, so I thanked him and then spent a while just smiling at him, bathing in the kindness he exuded. Finally I asked, 'what's that shiny ball you're holding? Is it a pill I can swallow to make me braver?'
'In a way, yes,' he smiled. 'Here, have a closer look. Does it remind you of something?'
'Well, you're the Retriever, so is this what you've retrieved? It's very bright, like I once thought I'd feel when I would finish these studies.'
'Do you want that feeling back?'
'I'd love that. I think it would give me the push I need to get back into the loop.'
'It's right here, so take me with you, and I'll hold it up for you to see anytime today that you feel futile, or that what you're doing today isn't worth the nervousness. You can have it back afterwards, and you'll feel much the better for it. You know you're a dreamer, you need these hopes to keep you going. Don't worry, let's just go.'
I could see him skipping along in front of me all the way to the office, and everything went well. By the end of the day, I felt for the first time in a long, long while, that there was an actual chance of finishing what I'd started.
***
The following Monday was the first day of uni, and still I was a bit uneasy about going back, seeing all these younger students and trying to find my way back into the flow. Dear Faeries, I know it's tedious business, but would you mind coming with me?
'There, there, sapling,' said the Oak Men. 'What's the rush? One step at a time, love.'
'Do I have that time?'
'Aye, sure ye do. Where d'ye want to run to so fast when ye havena even found yer footing yet? Branch out a little first, so's ye don't topple.'
I looked into the amber eyes and calmed down; the gnarled, twisting branches and roots spoke of the wisdom of ages, of lessons learned and utilised. 'Wow, you're strong. Mind if I lean on you today? I could use the support.'
'Lean all ye want, love, but remember to reach oot, as well. See if'y canna tap into the strength that is in ye.'
'I'm not sure there's any left, but I'll try. Are you aware that there's another face sharing your eyes when I turn your picture upside down?'
'Och, aye.'
'Two minds are better than one?'
'Ye think?'
'Maybe. You're very old, yes? So you're saying, the past can hold keys to what can make the present better? Not to repeat the mistakes from the last time around? Reach out this time instead of feeling all alone with my problems?'
'If ye say so, love,' they smiled.
They kept reassuring me all day, allowing me to hold on until I could see that there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing that I hadn't dealt with before and could now face afresh wiser than the last time around, and thus avoid the pitfalls if I wished.
***
Finally, the most important seminar last Wednesday, the one that I will absolutely need to pass in order to finish. Having met the professor already, I was much less nervous than earlier, but still I wasn't all that sure. One last time for this task, one last crutch until I was sure I could stand it on my own, I asked the faeries for guidance and drew The Singer Of Courage.
I smiled as I felt his song reverberate up my spine and knew it was going to be okay.
There is a major ripple going through my life right now, as I'm taking up my university studies again. For a while it looked like I wasn't going to finish at all, as I was having issues that needed working through but weren't, mostly a general feeling of stupidity and inadequacy for academia in general. I was extremely nervous about going back, and entirely unsure of myself, so I asked the Fae to help me through this first, most important week.
It began on Wednesday of the previous week, when I was going to meet the professor to talk about the seminar I was going to take. So much depended on this teacher I had never seen before, and I would have to pick a topic for a presentation (the mere thought of presentations scares me to no end). I shuffled the deck and asked if one of them would be willing to accompany me to this meeting, help me pluck up some courage to get me through it. Ilbe the Retriever came to the top of the stack.
'Hello,' he said softly, 'I'll come with you. Don't worry.'
We had not met before, so I thanked him and then spent a while just smiling at him, bathing in the kindness he exuded. Finally I asked, 'what's that shiny ball you're holding? Is it a pill I can swallow to make me braver?'
'In a way, yes,' he smiled. 'Here, have a closer look. Does it remind you of something?'
'Well, you're the Retriever, so is this what you've retrieved? It's very bright, like I once thought I'd feel when I would finish these studies.'
'Do you want that feeling back?'
'I'd love that. I think it would give me the push I need to get back into the loop.'
'It's right here, so take me with you, and I'll hold it up for you to see anytime today that you feel futile, or that what you're doing today isn't worth the nervousness. You can have it back afterwards, and you'll feel much the better for it. You know you're a dreamer, you need these hopes to keep you going. Don't worry, let's just go.'
I could see him skipping along in front of me all the way to the office, and everything went well. By the end of the day, I felt for the first time in a long, long while, that there was an actual chance of finishing what I'd started.
***
The following Monday was the first day of uni, and still I was a bit uneasy about going back, seeing all these younger students and trying to find my way back into the flow. Dear Faeries, I know it's tedious business, but would you mind coming with me?
'There, there, sapling,' said the Oak Men. 'What's the rush? One step at a time, love.'
'Do I have that time?'
'Aye, sure ye do. Where d'ye want to run to so fast when ye havena even found yer footing yet? Branch out a little first, so's ye don't topple.'
I looked into the amber eyes and calmed down; the gnarled, twisting branches and roots spoke of the wisdom of ages, of lessons learned and utilised. 'Wow, you're strong. Mind if I lean on you today? I could use the support.'
'Lean all ye want, love, but remember to reach oot, as well. See if'y canna tap into the strength that is in ye.'
'I'm not sure there's any left, but I'll try. Are you aware that there's another face sharing your eyes when I turn your picture upside down?'
'Och, aye.'
'Two minds are better than one?'
'Ye think?'
'Maybe. You're very old, yes? So you're saying, the past can hold keys to what can make the present better? Not to repeat the mistakes from the last time around? Reach out this time instead of feeling all alone with my problems?'
'If ye say so, love,' they smiled.
They kept reassuring me all day, allowing me to hold on until I could see that there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing that I hadn't dealt with before and could now face afresh wiser than the last time around, and thus avoid the pitfalls if I wished.
***
Finally, the most important seminar last Wednesday, the one that I will absolutely need to pass in order to finish. Having met the professor already, I was much less nervous than earlier, but still I wasn't all that sure. One last time for this task, one last crutch until I was sure I could stand it on my own, I asked the faeries for guidance and drew The Singer Of Courage.
I smiled as I felt his song reverberate up my spine and knew it was going to be okay.