21 Ways To Read A Tarot Card -- Step NINE

rachelcat

coyoteblack said:
I just celebrated 5 years sober last week.
Before I start, I want to say congratulations. That is quite an accomplishment. You really should be proud (and I think you are!)

Now, on to step 9:

This has been the most difficult--and most revealing--step so far. But, with Dave's encouragement from the last step, here goes!

Three open-ended questions based on meaning so far:

1. What milestones do you feel like celebrating?

2. What do you want to achieve and what discipline do you need to achieve it?

3. When have you wanted to be the center of attention or considered beautiful or pretty?

Answers and snapshots:

1. I don't really feel like celebrating anything, but I do feel like I'm at a milestone of sorts. As I mentioned in an earlier step, I keep feeling I'm in a new stage of life, the beginning of old age. I express it by saying I'm out of the householder stage. I know I'm not really. My son is 20 and a junior in college. I know I have lots of years before I can consider him on his own, but I do have more time and energy to put into myself (or something else) than when he was little, or in high school.

Other things that make this a new stage of my life are: my father passed away, and my mom is moving into a retirement village, and my sister and her husband are moving into my parents' house, and their daughter is taking over their house. Alot of moving around. My sister and her husband really ARE entering the stage I'm thinking about. Their youngest daughter is graduated from college and setting up housekeeping on her own (even if it is in the house she grew up in). And when they move, I'm sure it will be a different kind of life for them. Plus, I feel more responsible for my mom, calling her every day and stuff like that.

Snapshot: My father's funeral. Just seeing me, my brother, and my sister all older and grey-haired and our kids grown, all together in one place. That part's not really sad, though. I actually feel closer to them and to my mom.

2. I want to achieve a more spiritual life. I am always very resistant/afraid of meditation and looking within. Like doing these exercises! But if I had the discipline to do regular meditation, that would be a big step forward.

Snapshot: Way back in the 80s, I was on Tarot-L, and some folks wanted to do a study group on the Arthurian-Hallowquest book. I was too afraid to join because it had guided meditations and exercises. I didn't want to see inside myself. I'm better now, but I haven't been meditating and I haven't joined the Mindfulness Community, though I have wanted to for years (and now I have the time).

3. Well, folks. I didn't know one of the steps was "my most embarrassing moment," but -- here it is!

I was so un-self-aware when I was in my late teens, that I actually let my mom tell me I wanted to be in a beauty pageant! And I did it! The horror! What could I have been thinking? I was in the Miss Harford County pageant in 1978? (an actual part of the Miss America deal, no less).

Luckily, I can't remember much about it at all. Snapshot time: I got my eyebrows waxed for the first and last time. I can remember choosing a swimsuit, but not wearing it on stage, thank God! I remember that smiling under the hot lights made my upper lip stick to my front teeth. I sang "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow," also totally embarassingly unsophisticated.

Why does this still make me cringe (and get really testy when teased about it) to this day? I don't know. I was never embarassed about singing in choirs or silly high school musicals, and I'm still not.

I never wanted to be the most beautiful. I just wanted to sing a solo. The rest was just costume changes.

I don't know what this all really means. It's just those darn snapshots.

[I will add the next part tomorrow.]
 

LixiPixi

21 Ways - Step Nine

I'm not sure what questions to ask, so I'm just going to throw out whatever comes to mind in relation to my card. Here goes...

Golden Tarot - 6 of Cups

6:1-1 How do you want him to respond to your gift of flowers?

A: I want him to stop reading, look at me, smile a genuine smile, acknowledge my efforts in the thought I put into it and thank me for the gift with sincerity.

Snapshot: I deal with this one every day. I find myself working very intently to make sure my children never grow up with the feeling that I'm not interested in what they do or have to tell me.

6:1-2 How do you feel you can achieve that goal?

A: I can wait for him to pause in the story, then walk up to him and say, "Look what I made for you! Do you like them?"

Snapshot: It's not easy getting someone's attention, let alone getting a positive response from them once you do. (At least not in my life.) I'm still brought to tears by things that come out of my parents' mouths.

Just last week, I was outside with my father just hanging out with him while he was fixing something at the workbench. He made a comment that he was happy it was fixed. I responded with "yay!" He replied, "Yeah, I'm pretty smart in my old age." Jokingly (and he knew I was joking by my giggle and tone), I said, "I've been smart from the beginning." And instead of him laughing and joking back with me by saying his usual type response of 'oh yeaahh?' He said - "Yeah, well you were smart until you were six at least." (Now why didn't he just shoot me instead?) I was proud of myself, however. I casually walked away, said "Oh Dad, don't start." And he said "I'm not starting." And that was the end of our "bonding" time. It took everything I had in my power not to defend myself.

A little background to that story is that he remarried when I was two. I had visitation with him until I was seven. At that point, my stepfather formally adopted me and visitation with my real father ended. Apparently, he thinks my "smarts" ended at the same time his visitation did.

6:1-3 How do you feel you can overcome these feelings of rejection?

A: Remain calm, walk away, don't let things like this sink in. Talking about it and getting it all out is not always the answer.

Snapshot: Until now, I've pretty much avoided any in-depth relationship with my parents for the exact type of reasons mentioned above. At this stage in my life, I really don't have a choice financially, but to remain here and make the best of it for a while. We've always had a relationship, but anything outside of casual can be very hurtful for me. He just doesn't get how some of his comments can really get to me. The old Italian that he is - he thinks I should be a "stronger" person; not let things bother me, etc. And in his words, "If you had been raised by me, you would be a better person." Heaven forbid I mention that he's the one that chose to give up his rights to me when I was young.

I'm really not liking these "self-reflective" exercises. I deal with them enough on a daily basis and don't find it enjoyable dealing with it through my Tarot lessons too. Tarot is my interest, my escape, something I enjoy, something that brings a few moments of joy to my life. Can it teach me something about my situation? I don't doubt it one bit. But I'd rather it teach me when I ask, not when I want to take lessons on understanding the deck better and how to use it more affectively. (I know....that sounds contradictory, doesn't it?) I just don't want my 21 Ways tarot lessons to be like sessions with a psychologist. That's not what I'm taking this course for. (Another snapshot: I feel like I'm in church listening to the pastor talk about how current events relate to one passage in the Bible rather than learning about the Bible and its message itself - that dates back to about 12 yrs ago.)

EDITED to add part two:

6:2 What area in my life do I most need to look at in relation to the previous steps?

In a nutshell - acknowledgement and acceptance. Learning to not let others' opinions of who I am or what I've become to affect my life any longer. As Dave mentions below - we cannot change others, only ourselves.

LP~ (on a rant, apparently...)
 

dadsnook2000

For LixiPixi

This form and level of sharing can indeed be tough. But, if we are to doing amount of reading for others, for strangers, this is the sort of thing we are likely to uncover as we talk about the cards before us. Sometimes just talking it out is helpful, sometimes it is better to either delay addressing the situation or to approach it another way. One of these "other ways" is to objectify the situation by using someone else with a similar story. I can remember a TV show of long ago about Archie Bunker and how hard it was for his wife and daughter to communicate with him. He was so fixed in his own views that he ignored others or just trampled over their feelings.

Like you, I feel that I deal with this type of situation quite often, having a wife with an Aquarian ascendant and her Saturn exactly opposed to my Venus. It feels like there is a total gulf between us in terms of creative projects, the value of what the other does, the criticism over personal values. Like everything, there is a blend of good and bad -- but there are days.

At time I really wrestle with that old saying, "You can't change others, only yourself." It seems so impractical at times. Dave
 

coyoteblack

rachelcat said:
Before I start, I want to say congratulations. That is quite an accomplishment. You really should be proud (and I think you are!)

.]

Thank you very much
That is real nice of you to stop and say that

You as well Dave I know thiis sober thing can make folk uncomfortable
 

whipsilk

Before I start Step Nine, I want to say I've been reading ALL the posts in the threads up to this point, but not responding or commenting because I remain behind the rest of you. I look forward to being current with everyone else and commenting on others' insights and revelations. But for now, I'm continuing to hurry on down the path...

Dadsnook, thanks for the suggestion about putting all previous posts in a single Word document. I suspect that will help a great deal as I progress in these steps.

And in contrast to LP (not a criticism, mind), I'm finding these steps to be very helpful and positive. I don't do enough self-reflection, don't step back and see what I do as much as I probably should (remember that impulsiveness!).

Finally, since I AM making comments...many congratulations on your successes over the years CoyoteBlack, and your recent five year celebration. That is a real accomplishment.

STEP NINE

Knight of Pentacles - Tarot of Prague

Questions and answers:

1. What value will I receive by taking stock of the situation? I think the most important value I can receive is to give myself more options. By considering, even briefly, whether further analysis is warranted before acting, I can possibly avoid a wrong path by hurrying into the most obvious one. I can also demonstrate to coworkers and superiors that I don't always rush into things, that I am able to stop and survey the territory before proceeding. There is certainly value in that.

2. How can I learn to accept patience as a virtue? This is a tough one, a question I'm going to have to think about and meditate on for a while. In fact, there's a key there -- if I can accept the fact that patience requires some courage and quite a bit of discipline, qualities I recognize I need to further develop, I can take the first steps into becoming a less impulsive individual. And maybe meditation of some kind, perhaps on cards as I enter the upcoming 78 Weeks of Study in May, can be a first step to develop and exercise patience and thoughtful analysis.

3. How can I use daydreams and my rich imagination to develop greater patience? A ringer of a question, as the answer almost came to me before the question. Use of imagination is contrary, almost a preventative, to impulsive action. I can use my imagination to help develop my meditative abilities, to help focus on what's coming and to see possible outcomes. Using my imagination in that way is, almost by definition, an analytic act which can defer action.

Snapshots:
1. Following Danny to Austin -- when I was in college, I fell in love with a boy who was going off to college in another town. When he left, I was devastated, and after little thought, abandoned my studies to follow him. I had little money, few skills, and quickly discovered that there really was no relationship there -- I was, in fact, intruding on an exciting new time of his life. My "impulsive" solution -- join the army, which led to some of the greatest conflicts and most profound misery of my life (but I must admit I learned a lot, about both myself and others, from that experience).

2. I discovered tarot a year ago, and dove into it with passion and energy. But all my efforts were short-lived and superficial. My journal lasted a few days; meditation on cards lasted even less time. A program of studying the same card from each of my decks and recording my impressions, lasted long enough to get me through the Major Arcana, the Wands, and into the Cups before I moved on to something else. I tried several readings on AT, but after a few attempts, most of which got at best a tepid reception, gave that up. Now I'm trying a more disciplined approach, challenging myself to start only a few actions, but to finish them.

3. The snapshot here is tougher. My imagination served me well during the years I spent as a professional actor. I was always able to "be" in the moment, and one of my greatest pleasures was playing the role of the Narrator in a touring version of Rocky Horror Show, in which I was able to combine my impulsiveness and my imagination to provide "off the cuff" responses to the many audience "insults" thrown at that character.
 

tarot4fun

21 Ways - Step Nine

Step Nine:

Golden Tarot - Eight of Swords

9:1_A
..…Q:
When did you struggle over complex issues?
.....A:


9:2
..…Q:
1. What do you need to look at in your life right now? 2. Where was the strongest emotion?
…..A:
1._My future, stepping into the second half of my life.
2._Freedom. Ready for a fresh start.

9:2
..…Q:
1. What do you need to look at in your life right now? 2. Where was the strongest emotion?
…..A:
1._I am doing what I can to prepare myself, studying, reading books, doing tarot exercises.
2._Enthusiasm.

9:1_C
..…Q:
What hopeless situation did you find yourself in?
.....A:
Difficult pregnancies.

9:2
..…Q:
1. What do you need to look at in your life right now? 2. Where was the strongest emotion?
…..A:
1._Nurturing my-self.
2._Peace.

9:1_D
..…Q:
Where did you take ‘the path less trodden’?
....A:
Driving back roads when we travel or on vacation.
…..SNAPSHOT:
My husband and I love to take back roads when ever we can, sometimes it’s longer and the risk of getting lost or ending up on a pig path is greater, but we like the adventure. Almost 30 years ago we went camping in a pretty state that we would return to time and again as our little family grew. Deciding to do some ‘off the beaten path’ sight seeing, we took a mountainous road. It was beautiful - we saw country living like we had grown up with - then it got more remote and desolate/lonely feeling. When we would come upon the occasional ‘cabin in the wood’ the old folks sitting on their porch would stop rocking and watch us go by. One fellow even stood up to get a better look at ‘the outsiders’ as we drove by in our little hatchback Datson.
9:2
..…Q:
1. What do you need to look at in your life right now? 2. Where was the strongest emotion?
…..A:
Haven’t done anything public for a while and have been recovering from 2 injuries.

9:1_E
..…Q:
How are you stone cold?
.....A:
In setting up personal boundaries, for a while I felt numb - stone cold - heartless.

9:2
..…Q:
1. What do you need to look at in your life right now? 2. Where was the strongest emotion?
…..A:
I’ve released the care of the world.
 

Jewel

Step 9 - Fantastic Menagerie

OK well I am slowly catching up to the group! I think I am only 4 weeks behind now *LOL*.

STEP 9: QUERY AND SNAPSHOTS
CARD: The Star
DECK: Fantastic Meangerie
Card can be seen here: http://www.fantasticmenagerie.com/Majors2.htm


9:1.1. Open ended questions and responses - questions came from reviewing my previous exercises and Step 4, the Story is the one that made me really probe and question:

QUERY: What walls am I longing to move beyond?
SNAPSHOT: Scenes where my husband tells me I don't do anything, that I am not a team playner, that it is all about me, just because I want some time to myself and to do something alone.
ANSWER: I am longing to move beyond the walls I feel surrounding me in everyday life. Worrying about what's for dinner and making it, washing dishes, doing laundry, etc. Every single day I have chores. I want to feel free to ignore them every now and then, maybe 2 or 3 times a week and do my thing without being bothered or resented for it. I want more "alone" and "me" time.

QUERY: What would happen if I chose to ignore those chores 2-3 times a week?
SNAPSHOT: Days when my husband has had bad days and is feeling overwhelmed, and when I get home he starts pointing out everything that has to be done and that HE will have to it ... you get the picture.
ANSWER: It would cause a fight, there would be yelling, insulting, accusations of everything being all about "me" and what "I" need.

QUERY: How does that me feel?
SNAPSHOT: Me in my car going over the situation and after the fact saying everything I wish I would have, knowing I never will because I don't want to cause more yelling.
ANSWER: Angry, distant, rensentful, and sometimes even mean and hateful.

QUERY: What can I do to create more alone or me time?
SNAPSHOT: The hubby being really nice and understanding when approached, then throwing it in my face three weeks later when he feels overwhelmed.
ANSWER: I honestly have no clue, as I know it will end up in my face in the end. Those are my walls. The ones I do not know how to escape. No matter what patterns I observe and act upon, it never works out in the long run.


9:1.2. What I need to look at most in my life right now, as suggested by my responses, metaphors, and memories, is on my own personal needs.

I feel very frustrated in not being able to take time for myself to do what I want when I want. The sense of only being able to have stolen moments to myself when my husband has things he wants to do (i.e. play a video game). Anger and resentment are the strongest of the emotions this brings out in me.

Anger and resentment are my access points to the greatest energy for manefesting what I want. I don't see how this can be a true statement, as these are negative emotions that are rarely expressed or received in a positive manner. I have tried to express them positively, and the end result is always a fight as defensiveness on one side or the other tends to be the result, which leads back and feeds the other two.
 

Jewel

coyoteblack said:
The card is emotional and spiritual so i am not sure how to separate them for this question so I will ask it different.

What did I feel like after I realized i did in fact have hope when I thought I was in a hopeless situation



In my life now I just celebrated 5 years sober last week. Before this my life was a wreck and i thought i was going to die in a drug over dose or drink my self to death. after 5 years I am about to by a condo with my brother in the same place I was homeless ( new Brunswick NJ) I now have a car and driver's license and have been driving a year and tonight will be the first time i am going back to where i used at ( jersey city) to make a meeting.
Coyoteblack I agree with you that The Star card is emotional and spiritual and the two are not separable. If I only thought that before, now that I have done 9 steps with it I can say that for me they are not separable period.

I really admire you for sticking with the good fight and regaining control of your life. Congratulations! I am trying to quit smoking right now, and your story is an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
 

coyoteblack

Jewel

You and I both use the Star card for this exersize but get completly different results. If you read both of our logs you get a real nice picture of the ups and down of the Star.

And on a personal level I hope( star) it gets better for you. I only read a few of your posts but by end of buisness today I will try and read all of them on this subject .

I enjoy you technical organized approach to writeing this.
 

Jewel

coyoteblack said:
You and I both use the Star card for this exersize but get completly different results. If you read both of our logs you get a real nice picture of the ups and down of the Star.

And on a personal level I hope( star) it gets better for you. I only read a few of your posts but by end of buisness today I will try and read all of them on this subject .

I enjoy you technical organized approach to writeing this.
Thanks Coyoteblack! I have been so busy trying to catch up with the group that I have not had the time I want to REALLY read through everyone's posts (but do plan to do it), specially yours since we are using the same card in different decks. I would love to go back to probably Steps 5 through 9 and look at what you and I have said and maybe together we can say even more about this card. That is one cool aspect of sharing a card :D

On a personal level, over all, my life is very good. This exercise is just picking up on one aspect alone, which although frustrating and maddening at times is still but only one aspect. I am sure if I had the Lovers card you would be seeing a whole different aspect.

Ohhhhhh and thanks for not calling me "annal" ~giggles~ about my technical approach ... I am sort of obsessive compulsive in this regard *LOL*.

P.S. I was able to see your card from the link you gave, and my card looks so very different. I also went back and looked at your other posts on the card and agree totally with the elements you see in it and the emotions. I wish I could post a copy of my card but I don't have a scanner ...