Phrases to empower your client?

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had any book recommendations or advice on how to talk to and empower clients. I'm confident in my understanding of the cards, but I'm not confident in how to convey my interpretation :/

I'm not a psychologist, but in my line of work (police dispatcher), I've had to learn how to speak to victims of crimes and other folks who are facing crises of one kind or another. I have found that, for the most part, if you can put yourself in someone else's place and think about what kinds of things YOU would want someone to say to you, it will go a good ways towards helping you to frame those words.

Of course, doing Tarot readings and taking phone calls at a police department are two different things. For starters, your goals are somewhat different; call-taking you're usually trying to get information so you can send the assistance needed. Whereas when doing Tarot readings you kind of are the assistance. You may only be the first step for some folks, but you're still trying to help.

For the most part, you don't want to come across as antagonistic or accusatory (yes, I have heard of Tarot readers doing that). Remember you're trying to guide them towards the answers they seek, so use phrasing that guides rather than denigrates or accuses. On the other hand, sometimes a person might need a firmer hand ... kind of a wake-up call. I have found that most of the time, the Tarot reading will guide me to what kind of tone I need to use.

I guess what I'm saying is that common sense will help you quite a bit. If someone is actively suicidal, you're not going to tell them "go ahead and jump then." However, if they are suicidal, you don't beat around the bush too much either ... getting it out there and getting them talking is a good first step. This applies to many situations of people in crisis. Avoiding the subject isn't usually what they need. But follow what the cards are telling you to say.

MidnightSunAK said:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had any book recommendations or advice on how to talk to and empower clients. I'm confident in my understanding of the cards, but I'm not confident in how to convey my interpretation :/

Click to expand...

For me, it would be helpful if you could give an example of one or two interpretations you've done where you felt you could have phrased the reading in a more empowering way.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but I recently listened to an old interview with the late Yoav Ben-Dov where he suggested that each reading should end with an easy action for the querent to take.

He didn't elaborate, but I'm thinking along the lines of making a list of their options or positive qualities, giving them a copy of a card to remind them of a quality they should focus on/develop, or maybe even a relevant meditation/visualization/affirmation.

Just thinking out loud.

But then again, I am a beginner.... you have been warned!

MidnightSunAK said:

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone had any book recommendations or advice on how to talk to and empower clients. I'm confident in my understanding of the cards, but I'm not confident in how to convey my interpretation :/

Click to expand...

It is difficult to give you phrases to use without knowing what cards you would bring up.
You will find that with practice it will come naturally to you. Being confident in what you are needing to say is the main point. Use your sensitivity and understanding with a sitter, put yourself in their place, how would you like to receive the reading. If a happy card turns up share the happiness, if a difficult card turns up show understanding and help them to see how they can work through it, other cards in the reading should help here.
Making your sitter feel welcome and confident in you helps to set the scene. Read as though they were your own nearest and dearest Once you have a rapport with your sitter you will relax and your reading will flow without you thinking of the whys and wherefores.
Whatever the reading brings up always leave your sitter with positives.

Not sure if this helps just go with the flow and relax

I also would like to see some examples.

I find I have this when I'm doing readings face-to-face. I can see the story playing out from the cards quite well but it's as if I can't grasp the right words fast enough or into a comprehensive statement.

There is this one book, 21 ways to read a tarot card, it might be useful. It's not my favorite book but I do pull it out every few months and try some of the exercises. I wonder if it's just a matter of practice over and over till you find your own style of reading?

Perhaps you could do some of the reading exchanges here to get a feel for how reading for others, and interpreting them in a clear and accurate way, looks for you?

Each reader's "voice" is different. For instance, I'm a blunt reader. I will tell you how I see it and, while I feel that I tone down the message a bit, I evidently don't do so nearly as much as most readers! Some of my querents like that about me, and keep coming back as a result. Some of them come back with "well, that was a bit harsh..." even if they also acknowledge that they needed it that way. Not everyone provides that kick in the pants, and that's fine. Not everyone can handle being kicked in the pants at this particular point in time, either.

The more that you read for others the more that you'll develop your own "voice". It's not really something that one can learn from books. Sometimes I see advice such as "take a beginning counselling class" as a way of learning empowerment. However, I'll say that clients can tell when they're encountering canned phrases, which is what a counselling class risks teaching.

I struggle with this a bit as well as I rarely read for others, and find delivering a coherent and empowering interpretation on the spot very challenging.

I remember getting some tips on 'empowering language' from a training course about coaching people at work. Things that have stuck in my mind are advice against using words like "you should..." or "you must..." or "you need to..." and instead replacing them with things like "it's important for you to ..." and "you can choose to...". This still enables you to give clear direction without it sounding like an order to a subservient. I also remember the advice not to use the phrase "try to" but instead something like "commit to" or "aim to" as "try" is so very weak and washy and not empowering. Finally, there was a big thing about "but". Sometimes we do need a but and it has its place. It does get overused though, and it can be deflating and limiting. I still use it too much, its in my nature to 'caveat' things. Its worth experimenting with removing it altogether as much as possible as it's amazing how much more positive and enabling conversation is without it.

Hope that helps a bit and I do sympathise, I don't think I make a great job of being empowering and clear.

Jenn2211 said:

I find I have this when I'm doing readings face-to-face. I can see the story playing out from the cards quite well but it's as if I can't grasp the right words fast enough or into a comprehensive statement.

Click to expand...

I have a theory about this. Our brain has two halves. One side deals with images, intuition, and ideas. The other deals with more practical things like math and solid facts . We're not used to translating the cards we see into words. It takes us awhile and much practice to be able to get the meanings of the cards translated to words that we can convey to the sitter.

The best thing to do is just practice, practice, practice. Especially with face-to-face sitters if possible. It also helped me to write down the reading, expressing it in words that I might give to a sitter if I had one. Or, you can go to the Reading Exchange forum and use that for practice by offering readings to other members. Don't be worried you'll interpret wrong and embarrass yourself. We've all had our share of bloopers, and certainly did when they were new. Besides that, I've seen some brilliant interpretations given by new people. I learn from newcomers all the time.

Maybe you don't need to 'empower' them, but only be a mirror...

This video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENzMQOFLmcw

by the wonderful Tom Benjamin (discovered through a thread here; whoever mentioned him, thank you!!) is very interesting, I think.