"Feeding the Elephant" Spread

Barleywine

Here's another relationship spread inspired by my thinking on the 2 of Cups and 3 of Cups.

ETA: See Post #5 for an updated spread template.
 

Barleywine

Elephant Ponderings

I ran a test spread on my brother and his wife. They have a long-standing marriage and have made a few "adjustments" over the years to keep it going. They have no children. I used the Spanish edition of the Rohrig Tarot, with the Lovers as the Significator.

Card #1- Compromise (Agreement Zone): Princess of Wands - They've reached an agreement that she can spend as much money as she likes on keeping herself youthful looking and glamorous (which at 67 she definitely still is) with Botox treatments, a roomful of pricey make-up and (my wife and I suspect) plastic surgery. All Princess of Wands stuff.

Card #2 - His Needs (Self-Interest Zone): Ace of Swords - He is very sharp mentally and also verbally, especially with his easy-going and somewhat naive wife. It can be uncomfortable to be around them when he goes on a tear. But he's a near carbon-copy of her mentally abusive father, so she basically married her Dad. He reminds me of the tyrant character in the old Zork graphic adventure game who was fond of saying "I am the boss of you!"

Card #3 - Her Needs (Self-Interest Zone): 10 of Cups - She loves to be pampered and is something of an emotional sponge. She absorbs his tirades and never says a word.

Card #4 - His Actions and Reactions (Conflict Zone): 2 of Disks - He is pretty much an "On/Off" kind of guy. He turns the switch on and the money flows in (to the tune of $200K a year), he turns it off and the money stops. But although he's reached retirement age, the switch seems to be stuck in the "On "position these last few years. He spends a lot of time on the road (salesman) keeping all his "balls in the air."

Card #5 - Her Actions and Reactions (Conflict Zone) 7 of Disks - She is perfectly happy to remain passive about the situation as long as the money keeps rolling in, and she doesn't have to work too hard at it (and with him away a lot, she doesn't).

Card #6 - His Outside Interests (Self-Interest Zone): Queen of Disks - We wouldn't be at all surprised if he has an earthy lady on the side. I watch him light up shamelessly with the young women when we occasionally go out to restaurants together.

Card #7 - Her Outside Interests (Self-Interest Zone): 6 of Swords - Her outside time has been spent largely in intellectual and spiritual pursuits; she has attended seminars and become certified in various techniques like past-life regression and dowsing.

After 40 years of marriage, I would say they have an "understanding."
 

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Barleywine

Early Impressions

I've run this spread a few times now (I have eight siblings, seven of whom have either been married for a long time or are in long-term relationships).

A few interesting wrinkles surfaced.

The "Individual Needs" positions seem to show as much or more about the individual realities that underlie those needs, and the needs are often defined by the interactive dynamic between the private "worlds" of Partner "A" and Partner "B."

The "Compromise" position has been showing the crux of the matter as a central issue that requires attention and resolution. Quite often it indicates the status of one partner (typically a court card) as the dominant factor in the relationship, perhaps to the detriment of the other party. So it shows an active need for head-to-head negotiation rather than a settled and passive acceptance. The pendulum may have reached a point of equilibrium, but it's just passing through, offering an opportunity for constructive agreement but not a "done deal."

The "Outside Interests" positions have been showing the "way out" for each partner, which can be as much an avoidance of responsibility as an assertive push in a new direction. It is reminiscent of "passive-aggressive" behavior. Case in point: one sister is frustrated (7 of Cups rx) with her husband's benign indecisiveness (8 of Cups rx). His "action" is to try becoming more assertive (Prince of Swords), which he avoids by sliding back into his "good ol' boy" comfort zone (Sun rx).

If you know couples who are in a long-term relationship and seem like they're just "feeding the elephant," give this spread a try. I've gained quite a few insights so far.
 

MandMaud

I like the concept behind this spread, and guess what, I know a couple that perfectly fit your definition (in the pdf) of "dysfunction where everyone knows it except the couple". And they're a couple I care about deeply, so some insight will be good. Don't know when I'll have time but I hope I can try this out and then I'll be back to let you know how it went. :)
 

Barleywine

Experience-Based Observations Added

I updated the spread to include observations from actual case studies I performed today.
 

Attachments

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