"Here's why I don't read - any input please?"

So...

Here's why I don't read often (for others) - and packed it in after I '1st graduated' to reader status (judged purely by myself) and offered readings for about 6 months.
I have huge difficulty mincing my words. It seems I can't quite think fast enough to say things diplomatically - and people get upset.

N.B. I have no difficulties with this skill in my therapy room (body therapy is my day-job). Mincing my words for my therapy clients - I'm a master of (I could be 'correct' and say mistress). But over the cards, I can't do it.
(I'm generally pretty direct - always have been. Perhaps it's the Latin blood. Took me a while to get the hang of the English 'stiff upper lip' and I still boob on occasion. Even my partner (he's Welsh) still finds my blunt approach to things shocking sometimes - after 16 years. And visa versa - I find it excruciatingly irritating that he automatically 'dances' around or 'dolls up' the subject rather than just stating how it IS).

Any suggestions, advice, experiences you could share that might help?

Tanga said:

So...

Here's why I don't read often (for others) - and packed it in after I '1st graduated' to reader status (judged purely by myself) and offered readings for about 6 months.
I have huge difficulty mincing my words. It seems I can't quite think fast enough to say things diplomatically - and people get upset.

N.B. I have no difficulties with this skill in my therapy room (body therapy is my day-job). Mincing my words for my therapy clients - I'm a master of (I could be 'correct' and say mistress). But over the cards, I can't do it.
(I'm generally pretty direct - always have been. Perhaps it's the Latin blood. Took me a while to get the hang of the English 'stiff upper lip' and I still boob on occasion. Even my partner (he's Welsh) still finds my blunt approach to things shocking sometimes - after 16 years. And visa versa - I find it excruciatingly irritating that he automatically 'dances' around or 'dolls up' the subject rather than just stating how it IS).

Any suggestions, advice, experiences you could share that might help?

Click to expand...

Not really that this will help you, but I have the very same problem as you, in everyday life and with tarot clients....in time, I have learnt to mitigate it a bit, but I suppose diplomacy will never be one of my strong points....

Can't really offer any advice but can relate to how your feeling because i feel SOMEWHAT the same, i hesitate with my words when wanting to speak out and its like if im saying something in my head i can totally say what i want to say about the cards etc, but when it comes to speaking out loud the words come out all jumbled up with long gaps in between and sometimes doesn't make sense not even to me.

I feel like i have some sort of a blockage inside there, but like you im more better with saying things out right and getting straight to the point.

I don't know if mines something deep rooted from my childhood where i didn't feel like i could speak out, and for some reason i always used to keep everything to myself so i think mine stems from some part of my childhood that has buried itself away in my head.

It's like the words are there in your head but they get stuck somewhere in your mouth

"Here's why I don't read"

Sharla said:

... i hesitate with my words when wanting to speak out and its like if im saying something in my head i can totally say what i want to say about the cards etc, but when it comes to speaking out loud the words come out all jumbled up with long gaps in between and sometimes doesn't make sense not even to me.
...It's like the words are there in your head but they get stuck somewhere in your mouth

Click to expand...

Sharla, I appreciate you sharing this.
Sounds to me - as you sort of suggest - that this is some kind of long standing shyness issue for you.
Shyness is what... doubt about oneself. Fear of sounding 'silly'... that you'll be 'wrong' in some way? So then you have to start doing all that self-development work (speaking from some experience here) about - So what if it is? and we all learn from mistakes, and everyone else is actually in the same boat too. etc.etc.

I can manage my self-doubts these days. I just can't seem to manage my mouth! Lol.
So I still often present as quiet - because I know I'm abrasive.
The flip side of this is - I am not offended when everyone else is, by somebody - and I can usually see if that somebody is being deliberately offensive or if they're coming from say - a culture that speaks more directly (for instance Dutch is a very blunt language - as opposed to say French which is more floral) and have been unable to smoothly translate their expression. Or say - if they have some form of autism/dyslexia and therefore have unusual expression traits.

don't put pressure on yourself, all of us sometimes have problems getting out what we want to say and sometimes we say the wrong things. Speaking is tricky, especially as a professional context. Those professional speakers hired to do conferences are paid a lot to be extroverted and confidence!

I am sure this is something that gets easier with experience but just speak and say what you see in the reading, if you stumble or feel blocked or struggle just do your best. I bet the other person(s) you are doing a reading for doesn't even notice!

Maybe it would help to scrawl notes around the reading on a notepad as you do it, written triggers to help you or a few words.

danieljuk said:

don't put pressure on yourself, all of us sometimes have problems getting out what we want to say and sometimes we say the wrong things. Speaking is tricky, especially as a professional context. Those professional speakers hired to do conferences are paid a lot to be extroverted and confidence!

Click to expand...

This is very true. And I know a few professional speakers who are very introverted but have learned to work with that trait and become very effective in their communication.

It sounds as if you have a strong sense of self. Being straightforward is part of who you are, and most people can appreciate someone who is candid. I would say just try and treat your Tarot clients like your therapy clients; put yourself in their shoes. Most people don't appreciate being told explicitly that they're overweight; they probably already know that bit of info and are expecting something a little more constructive or motivational or therapeutic from you. Likewise, most people don't want to hear that their love interest doesn't give a flying crap about them and never will; they need that gentle let down when those intense emotions are involved. "He doesn't see the real you" or "he loves you, but his work is consuming him and it will never stop." Sometimes implying things is the best thing to do; deep down if the person wants to face the truth, he/she will.

Sharla said:

Can't really offer any advice but can relate to how your feeling because i feel SOMEWHAT the same, i hesitate with my words when wanting to speak out and its like if im saying something in my head i can totally say what i want to say about the cards etc, but when it comes to speaking out loud the words come out all jumbled up with long gaps in between and sometimes doesn't make sense not even to me.

I feel like i have some sort of a blockage inside there, but like you im more better with saying things out right and getting straight to the point.

I don't know if mines something deep rooted from my childhood where i didn't feel like i could speak out, and for some reason i always used to keep everything to myself so i think mine stems from some part of my childhood that has buried itself away in my head.

It's like the words are there in your head but they get stuck somewhere in your mouth

Click to expand...

My god, I could have written this post. I relate to you so painfully much, especially that feeling of every making sense in your head but getting stuck in your throat! So frustrating!

Tanga, you sound like a real Queen of Swords! Don't know if this is helpful, but I can tell you what I do. I only read for other people for practice online, but the thing I always ask myself is "What can I tell them that they can use?" By that I mean, what information can I give them that will actually enable them to deal with their problems? I guess I focus more on being helpful than delivering the blunt truth, though I'm sure that approach has it's time and place. (And frankly, most of the questions people ask beg for it -- Does he love me? What was X thinking?? Will I get the job??? Not a lot of room for anything but the simple, direct truth there!)

goldenquince said:

Likewise, most people don't want to hear that their love interest doesn't give a flying crap about them and never will;

...

"he loves you, but his work is consuming him and it will never stop."

Click to expand...

And here, you lost me completely.

If their partner doesn't give a flying pink carnation about them, you'd tell them "he loves you"? That's a direct lie. And people who come in for a reading about someone they love, are looking for straws to cling to. They won't hear *anything* after the "but": they'll just hear "The Tarot Reader said he loves me! !"

And they'll hang onto that one shred of hope for the rest of their lives, or until the object of their desire gets an AVO out on them or beats them senseless.

So you've told a direct lie to someone, and a lie that in their emotional stew they will cling onto.

Guess what happens when, decades later, they finally realise the truth? "The Tarot reader was wrong. Tarot doesn't work."

Be polite, yes. But DON'T TELL LIES!

nisaba said:

And here, you lost me completely.

If their partner doesn't give a flying pink carnation about them, you'd tell them "he loves you"? That's a direct lie. And people who come in for a reading about someone they love, are looking for straws to cling to. They won't hear *anything* after the "but": they'll just hear "The Tarot Reader said he loves me! !"

And they'll hang onto that one shred of hope for the rest of their lives, or until the object of their desire gets an AVO out on them or beats them senseless.

So you've told a direct lie to someone, and a lie that in their emotional stew they will cling onto.

Guess what happens when, decades later, they finally realise the truth? "The Tarot reader was wrong. Tarot doesn't work."

Be polite, yes. But DON'T TELL LIES!

Click to expand...

I'm sorry, I should have been more clear and not strung together so many unconnected examples. Let me clarify: I'm not telling anyone to lie. You are absolutely right, you should never lie to anyone, for any reason, and I am sorry I inadvertently conveyed that through thoughtless ramblings. There a lot more people with a a lot more experience in communicating with people than me, but I have to respectfully disagree with you people will not hear anything after the "but." The "but" to me is like an emphatic blaring gong of a word. BUT, I agree with you completely about not lying

"Here's why I don't read"

goldenquince said:

It sounds as if you have a strong sense of self. Being straightforward is part of who you are... I would say just try and treat your Tarot clients like your therapy clients; put yourself in their shoes. ...Likewise, most people don't want to hear that their love interest doesn't give a flying crap about them and never will; they need that gentle let down when those intense emotions are involved. "He doesn't see the real you" or...

Click to expand...

I generally treat the whole world like my therapy clients goldenquince (which I then have to be careful to 'turn off' otherwise I end up a 24/7 gal) - and am pretty good at other peoples shoes...
And now that 'gentle letdown' that you describe - I agree with nisaba - it could all go horribly wrong. Far better to have the horrid truth now - than a deeply convoluted disaster later on. I'd rather not assist people in deluding themselves.
But there is something about that particular turn of phrase which makes the truth less stark for people...
I very much appreciate your comments because I think 'the group dynamic' will assist me somehow. Whether it's with what I've originally asked for - that remains to be seen.

cardwitch said:

Tanga, you sound like a real Queen of Swords! Don't know if this is helpful, but I can tell you what I do. I only read for other people for practice online, but the thing I always ask myself is "What can I tell them that they can use?"

Click to expand...

Lol. Yes - as far as my speaking is conscerned, I have always been a Queen of Swords.
Hmmm - well yes... I think I shall print out this question of yours and have it where I can read it every time before a reading...
Thankyou.