My card was The Judgement, from the Golden Tarot.
1) Once upon a time, there was a girl who had sinned. Actually, she had sinned and she kept sin every day. But, she didn't understand what was to sin, and how she was sinning. "You are a really bad girl!" said her mother, "You must not steal!". Yes, she stole some food, and some money too, but she was starving. Her mother was starving too, and so her father and her brother. She didn't stole *that much*, she really doubted other families were starving because she stole a couple pieces of bread and some coin. "You have sinned! You must repent!" said her mother. But she could not repent: she was hungry. She stopped stealing, and she was even hungrier. She spent her time looking at food stalls and food shops in town. The shopkeepers sent her away, but she relentlessly came back, until one of them beat her with a stick. When she tried to run, he grabbed her hair and kept beating. She kicked him and punched him in the nose, until he fell down, bleeding, and she could run away. At home, her father screamed at her.
"You cannot hit people! You are a terrible daughter!".
Great, she had sinned again. "But he was hitting ME.", she replied.
"That's because you were bothering him." Her father answered.
"I just wanted to look at the food."
"What? You wanted to steal it, didn't you?"
The girl didn't answer, because, even if she wouldn't have stolen it for the world, she *wanted* to steal it.
"I cannot believe it." Her father looked horrified. "Even your thoughts are impure! Stay in your room and repent!"
The girl went to her room, but, again, she could not repent. She could not repent for stealing, she could to repent for wanting the food, she could not repent for wanting to steal the food, and she absolutely could not repent for hitting that horrible man!
'I must be really wicked.' She thought. "No matter what, I sin even with my thoughts.'
At night, she silently went out of her house and reached the sea. She dove right in, even if the water was freezing cold. She knew how to swim very well, because she had spent a lot of time swimming in summer. So, she went under water, and she kept going toward the black sea bottom. When she felt tired, and her lungs started burning, she kept going down with desperation. She knew that, once her lungs would start hurting really bad, she will fight to go back up, to breath air. She must reach a such profound depth that she could not possibly go back up in time.
And so she did.
Time passed, and some centuries after her suicide, she woke up again, in a golden coffin. She rose up, covered only in a white cloth that she wrapped aroud herself. Someone lent her an hand: it was an angel, with two white wings behind his back. She took the hand and let him help her up.
"What's happening? Where am I?" she asked.
"This is the final day, my dear," answered the angel. "You and the other are to be judged for your lives."
Oh, great, thought the girl. Even after death there is someone who'll tell me how much I sinned!
But she could not kill herself again, so she followed the angels toward a group of other people, all clad in white as her. There was also a maked girl, who looked ecstatic and a soldier in armour, who looked sad and anguished.
She took her place in the crowd, and watched as a man emerged from another coffin, took a banner in one hand ans adressed them raising two fingers. He had a bleeding cut on his side.
The went, one by one, in front of this man, who said them some words and sent them their way. When it was her turn, the girl didn't want to go. She watched on her sides, to see who could stop her from running, but no one was paying her attention. The problem was, there was no door in sight.
A voice startled her. "Hi."
The girl turned her head: the man had not waited for her to approach, but had approached her instead. He was smiling.
"Are you scared?" he asked.
"I am not scared." She said, even if she was. One more lie could not hurt that much, after all. "But I already know that I sinned. I do not want to go to hell."
"That's great, because you are not." Said the man. He touched her white cloth and gestured toward other saved souls. "You can go there with the others."
The girl looked perplexed. "But... but why? I know I have sinned."
"You did your best." Said the man. "You didn't want to hurt anybody."
The girl stayed there, eyes fixed on him. Was he mad?
"You didn't sin." Said he. "People sometimes are confused. I am sorry things went that way, but it will be better now."
The girl's eyes were full of tears. She felt angry, relieved, and confused all at once. She stepped hesitantly toward the other saved souls, looked back at the man who was still smiling at her, and ran toward Paradise.
2) I am a girl, and I have sinned. Actually, I have sinned and I keep sin every day. But, I don't understand what is to sin, and how I am sinning.
"You are a really bad girl!" says my mother, "You must not steal!".
Yes, I stole some food, and some money too, but I was starving. My mother is starving too, and so my father and my brother. I didn't stole *that much*, I really doubt other families are starving because I stole a couple pieces of bread and some coin.
"You have sinned! You must repent!" says my mother.
But I cannot repent: I was hungry. Now I stopped stealing, and I am even hungrier. I spend my time looking at food stalls and food shops in town. The shopkeepers send me away, but I relentlessly come back, until one of them start beating me with a stick. I try to run, but he grab my hair and keep beating. I kick him and punch him in the nose, until he falls down, bleeding, and I can run away. At home, my father screams at me.
"You cannot hit people! You are a terrible daughter!".
Great, I have sinned again. "But he was hitting ME.", I reply.
"That's because you were bothering him." My father answers.
"I just wanted to look at the food."
"What? You wanted to steal it, didn't you?"
I do not answer, because, even if I wouldn't have stolen it for the world, I *did want* to steal it.
"I cannot believe it." My father looks horrified. "Even your thoughts are impure! Stay in your room and repent!"
I went to my room, but, again, I cannot repent. I cannot repent for stealing, I cannot repent for wanting the food, I cannot repent for wanting to steal the food, and I absolutely cannot repent for hitting that horrible man!
'I must be really wicked.' I think. "No matter what, I sin even with my thoughts.'
At night, I silently go out of my house and reach the sea. I dive right in, even if the water is freezing cold. I know how to swim very well, because I have spent a lot of time swimming in summer. So, I go under water, and I keep going toward the black sea bottom. When I feel tired, and my lungs start burning, I keep going down with desperation. I know that, once my lungs would start hurting really bad, I will fight to go back up, to breath air. I must reach a such profound depth that I cannot possibly go back up in time.
And so I did.
Now I wake up in a golden coffin. I rise up, covered only in a white cloth that I wrap around myself. Someone lend me a hand: it's an angel, with two white wings behind his back. I take the hand and let him help me up.
"What's happening? Where am I?" I ask.
"This is the final day, my dear," answers the angel. "You and the other are to be judged for your lives."
Oh, great, I think. Even after death there is someone who'll tell me how much I sinned!
But I cannot kill myself again, so I follow the angels toward a group of other people, all clad in white as me. There is also a naked girl, who looks ecstatic, and a soldier in armour, who looks sad and anguished.
I take my place in the crowd, and watch as a man emerges from another coffin, takes a banner in one hand and addresses us raising two fingers. He has a bleeding cut on his side.
The go, one by one, in front of this man, who says them some words and send them their way. When it's her turn, I don't want to go. I watch on my sides, to see who could stop me from running, but no one is paying me attention. The problem is, there is no door in sight.
A voice startles me. "Hi."
I turn my head: the man didn't wait for me to approach, but has approached me instead. He's smiling.
"Are you scared?" he asks.
"I am not scared." I say, even if I am. One more lie cannot hurt that much, after all. "But I already know that I sinned. I do not want to go to hell."
"That's great, because you are not." Says the man. He touches my white cloth and gestures toward other saved souls. "You can go there with the others."
I am perplexed. "But... but why? I know I have sinned."
"You did your best." Says the man. "You didn't want to hurt anybody."
I stay there, eyes fixed on him. Is he mad?
"You didn't sin." Says he. "People sometimes are confused. I am sorry things went that way, but it will be better now."
My eyes are full of tears. I am angry, relieved, and confused all at once. I step hesitantly toward the other saved souls, look back at the man who is still smiling at me, and run toward Paradise.
4.3.
I often feel like the girl in this story: judged by parameters that are not mine, and that I cannot accept. I understand that when people are trying to make me adhere to their principles, they have good intentions - like the parents of the girl, who are worried about her soul's health. Still, their good intentions are not very useful, they only make me feel lonely, like between me and everyone else there is a thick glass that cannot be broken because I am the only one slamming against it with my fists. What makes the girl so happy and angry at the end, is finding someone who finally accepts her point of view as as much valid as that of others. I still haven't found that happy ending, though.