Hallowquest Lesson Two: The Seeker in the Wasteland

Hallowquest lesson two

1. What is the Wasteland to you?
*** So I see the tree behind the seeker at the top of the cliff, and I think “I could sit there a long time. Enjoying the tree – the view – and ignoring what’s happening behind me.” But really I know the land is being destroyed, we’re losing species, babies and adults are dying needlessly. I can’t really pretend it’s not happening, or that I’m not part of the same web.


2. What lurks in the abyss?
*** Despair, depression. Poverty of life. Defeat, foolishness, a change of lifestyle I won’t like. Discomfort.


3.What do you hope/ think/ feel lies ahead?
*** A way to create and BE change, which will save or whole web/planet, and improve lives. (Wow, just a small goal then LOL)



Yourself as Seeker:
During the coming quests you will undergo many experiences and awakenings. Before beginning, assess yourself and clarify direction:

1. Who are you as a person?
*** A pagan, a wife and mother, a nature lover. A warm woman who would like to be loved more. A collector, a squirrel someone who likes luxury and goodness. Someone who tries to be a friend and helper, but turns inward easily.


2. What is your life's purpose? What would you like it to be, if you are unsure?
*** My life has changed a lot in the last few years. I hope now that my purpose is to grow and learn as an individual – to help others their own path – and to bring some amount of healing to the earth.


3. What are your greatest strengths?
*** Persistence, striving for truth, loyalty, friendliness.


4. What are your skills?
*** Organising (logic) eye for detail, memory, perceptiveness, cleaning!


5. What kind of quest are you already on? What do you seek? What do you hope to find/ achieve?
*** I guess I’m seeking to create a feeling of balance within myself, and to help spread that through the world. I seek deeper spiritual knowledge of my own land, and it’s subtle levels, in order to work more effectively. I seek a spiritual home, and a greater sense of certainty.


6 What needs the most empowerment in your life right now?
*** The desire to make time/space and commitment to this work


7. What is your seeking style e.g. deadly earnest, plodding, adventurous, cautious, dilatory, swift playful, etc
*** I’m not much of a game player I don’t think – but I do sometimes stray from the path to watch the birds or look at something growing, or see a great view.



Tasks:


There’s an exercise about recognising and writing about my own foolishness. I’m finding this really difficult to do, because I make excuses at times like that, blaming others or creating a mental scenario where I wasn’t at fault. This I think suggests I have insecurity and a need to be right all the time. THAT’S FOOLISH! Hopefully my journey here will help me see it’s okay to sometimes be wrong, to be silly, not to need self-justification. (I’ve always said I didn’t care what other’s thought, but this is not true is it?)



3. Create an opening affirmation with which you can start each meditation session e.g. 'From this world to that world, I go to meet (title of card)'
*** “I step through the doorway on my quest,
I travel to see……., and walk there for a while.”


Meditation on The Seeker:

In this lesson you begin meditating on specific cards. The following meditation should be spread over a few days rather than at once. Accept experience and record it, relate seemingly irrelevant images/ feelings to the meditation subject.

1. Without referring to the book, look at the Seeker. What is the general feeling of the card? How do you feel looking at it?

2. Close your eyes and enter the card answering: What is it like being is this landscape? What can you see from this cliff top?

3. Become the Seeker, who can be of either sex. (Or alternatively if this is too hard then question him.) Find out:
Where are you going?
What do you seek?
What are the blackbirds saying to you?
What are the uses of the things you carry: staff, knife, helmet, pendant stone.

*** He shades his eyes to look ahead – is it brighter there? The wastleland seems grey and dull. I notice he has a staff, a pack, a knife, a hat, wristbands, something round his neck. All these tokens make me feel close to him, as if he (and I ) might be prepared for the start of our journey. But I notice he has bare feet, no shoes. This unsettles me ( how modern that is – shoes) makes me worry how I will manage if the way is stony?
I could stay by the tree, but maybe the rainbow would fade, and the tree become grey too? To find the green heart, the place I long for, I must follow the path. He does not look down. I love that he has the birds with him, I see them as strength givers. I worry I might be a bit frail?


Pathwalker

Done 20/03/11, summarized and translated 25/03/11.

As I don’t have the Arthurian Tarot, I used the Fool from the Tarot of the Four Elements.

1. What is the Wasteland to you? On a personal level: the feeling that I’m wasting my life/talents (being ill, not being able to do much, but also feeling trapped in destructive patterns). On a worldwide level: global economic and political systems and processes including a lot of -isms (like capitalism, neoliberalism, postcolonialism, racism, (hetero)sexism) & environmental destruction.

2. What lurks in the abyss? It doesn’t look so bad, down there (on the card): a green valley with a river. It’s just the height! The height is the fear, for pain & sorrow, the shame. The valley is happiness & authenticity.

3. What do you hope/ think/ feel lies ahead? Healing.

Yourself as Seeker:

1. Who are you as a person? I feel like a crowd of subpersonalities, but if I breath deep, I can feel that middle spot. I suppose that’s me. Everything else is identity.

2. What is your life's purpose? What would you like it to be, if you are unsure? I’m unsure, so I answer the second question. In the past it was something like creating community. Now I do a lot of personal development & in the end I would like to become a coach or teacher myself. I have also a great longing to “to mean something”.

3. What are your greatest strengths? 4. What are your skills? Analytical, playful, critical, thoroughly, warm, enthusiast, loving, creative, capable, solution focused, intelligent…

5. What kind of quest are you already on? What do you seek? What do you hope to find/ achieve? A quest for healing, personal development, feeling in balance.

6 What needs the most empowerment in your life right now? My health.

7. What is your seeking style e.g. deadly earnest, plodding, adventurous, cautious, dilatory, swift playful, etc? Creative, impulsive, exploring, curious and very earnest.

Tasks:

I have not yet done the tasks & I feel some resistance to do them. I do regret some (foolish) decisions I have made in my live, in the most part because I did not recognize my need for security. I inherited this (need for security) from my parents, & I revolted against it. But now it feels like I was just doing the opposite. I often simply stopped things I didn’t like, but was not able to find an alternative.

Meditation on The Seeker:
I used the Fool from the Tarot of the Four Elements.

1. Without referring to the book, look at the Seeker. What is the general feeling of the card? How do you feel looking at it? He looks trustworthy & kind. His head (& upper body) is in the stars, it feels like he is in contact with the whole universe. He steps without hesitation in the rainbow/light beam/abbeys.

2. Close your eyes and enter the card answering: What is it like being is this landscape? What can you see from this cliff top? I see the stars! It is wonderful here: high, space, no stress, joy, fresh winds. I sit on the edge and let my legs hang down. Where are you going? I don’t know. I follow my intuition. I only know that I have to take this path. What do you seek? I don’t seek, I find. What are the blackbirds saying to you? To contact a friend of mine (I tried, the next day). What are the uses of the things you carry: staff, knife, helmet and pendant stone. The horns bring me in contact with ancient powers, with knowledge from before knowledge. Even if they look foolish. They all have practical use, but they also remind me of the four elements (helmet = water), so I keep aware of my earth reality, & don’t get lost into the stars. Are you brave enough to step upon the rainbow road? No, I’m not. I have too much fear. Does this mean I cannot start the course? I’ll take my fear with me.

Lesson 2 - You as seeker

1. What is the Wasteland to you?
It represents what is secure and comfortable. The blackbird song is all around and yet it is difficult to stir yourself. It seems a hypnotic place which exudes vapours which dull your desire to leave. It reminds me of the field of flowers Dorothy falls asleep in in the Wizard of Oz. We become trapped here but it’s a nice trap – we don not need to challenge ourselves or grow and change. We become content to sleep and move through life in a hypnotic routine. Sometimes the blackbirds’ song penetrates and we feel a prickle of unease – there is a different path to take but it is the ‘unknown’. It could be worse than where we are now… we hang back and let the birds fly away. Eventually, they become more insistent and the Otherworld rips through forcing us to walk across the Abyss.


2. What lurks in the abyss?
Forgotten dreams, lost opportunities, decisions made which sacrificed long-cherished dreams, pain, heartbreak, failure, ghosts of a future which never came, loneliness, abandonment, hopelessness and despair.


3.What do you hope/ think/ feel lies ahead?
Change, healing, a renewed sense of self. Facing my shadow and my light and embracing and accepting both.


Yourself as Seeker:
During the coming quests you will undergo many experiences and awakenings. Before beginning, assess yourself and clarify direction:

1. Who are you as a person?
Kind, thoughtful, animal lover, optimistic, spiritual seeker, teacher, poet.


2. What is your life's purpose? What would you like it to be, if you are unsure?
To make the lives of those who know me a little brighter. To endeavour to be compassionate, kind and non-judgmental.


3. What are your greatest strengths?
Intelligence, good with words, able to weave stories, creativity, optimistic, open.

4. What are your skills?
Writing, research, analysing, meditating,


5. What kind of quest are you already on? What do you seek? What do you hope to find/ achieve?
I am on a quest to re-discover myself, to heal myself and build a closer relationship with the Land and my spiritual allies. I wish to grow as a person and in my spiritual understanding


6 What needs the most empowerment in your life right now?
My acceptance of myself as I truly am. Trust that things are exactly as they are meant to be.


7. What is your seeking style e.g. deadly earnest, plodding, adventurous, cautious, dilatory, swift playful, etc
Playful, a little cautious, haphazard bursts of enthusiasm followed by a lull, introspective, reflective. Combination of thinking, being, doing.



Tasks:

It took me a while to find some examples of ‘foolish’ choices and then I realized that they seemed to have been when I was much younger.
I found the exercise of choosing cards to plot a story for the seeker really interesting. It helped me to see those cards more deeply and understand some more subtle interpretations.



3. Create an opening affirmation with which you can start each meditation session e.g. 'From this world to that world, I go to meet (title of card)'.

A seeker stands before the door,
wishing to learn from what has gone before
I travel south, east, west and north
To hear the wisdom you pour forth.

Meditation on The Seeker:

In this lesson you begin meditating on specific cards. The following meditation should be spread over a few days rather than at once. Accept experience and record it, relate seemingly irrelevant images/ feelings to the meditation subject.

1. Without referring to the book, look at the Seeker. What is the general feeling of the card? How do you feel looking at it?

When I look at this card I see determination, a desire to search for answers. There is an element of hope and fearlessness. It also feels a little bit lonely - we walk our path on our own although we have our guides to help us.

2. Close your eyes and enter the card answering: What is it like being is this landscape? What can you see from this cliff top?

There is drizzly rain and the wind whips around me as I stand on the bridge. The bridge feels solid under my feet but is slightly see-through. When I look down, I get a slight feeling of vertigo and wish there was a rail to hold on to.
I gaze over and see that the bridge goes through the middle of a great tree standing in the Abyss. Beyond it lies a sunny landscape while all 4 hallows are suspended from its branches.

3. Become the Seeker, who can be of either sex. (Or alternatively if this is too hard then question him.) Find out:
Where are you going?
What do you seek?
What are the blackbirds saying to you?
What are the uses of the things you carry: staff, knife, helmet, pendant stone.

For this meditation, I chose to see myself as the seeker.
I worked out that I was going to the world tree to explore each of the four world on it in a quest for truth, wisdom and a deeper understanding of the world and my place in it.
The staff keeps me steady when my own legs falter. I pick up the knife and cut straight across my palm and prick my finger. I let a few drops of blood fall on the earth and then place my hand, palm down on the earth. The land takes my pain and absorbs and transforms it. The scar on my hand is a sign of our pact. I use the helmet when I sense danger and then my staff and knife can be used for defense. My pendant stone is moonstone. It lets me see the shapes of things to come and stores the lessons I have learnt so that I can access them again. The blackbirds urge me to move forward but council me that I cannot take the path through the tree yet. I have to take the other paths first.

I've completed Lesson 2 It took over a week, actually, and I still don't feel I've gotten to the heart of the Seeker. I don't think I can, not until I've done the whole of the journey.

I've posted the whole thing up on my Apple Bower blog (link in my profile if you're interested!) but I will post some bits here. The affirmation and the visualization...

Affirmation
It's neither day and neither night
It's neither dark and neither light
And in this place betwixt, between,
Are many wonders to be seen.


What I seek here I safely find,
Led by those guides of kith and kind
I call by bone, I call by blood,
I call by wind, I call by wood.


Cloaked by cloud and cloaked by stream,
Above, below and in-between,
Where I begin is where I end,
My word as truth and all forfend.


Seeker Visualization
There was raven and raven and me, standing somewhere high. Waiting for the first day.

Waiting whilst the darkness cleared.

I waited on the cliff and in the forest, by the lake and in the clearing. Waiting there and there and there; and then and then and then.

Then there was the Smith and something he gave me, something of iron, something I couldn't (and wasn't to) see.

A chain also he gave me, to guide me back home.

A black horse came, fearsome and snorting; we rode back to the place where morning would rise.

No morning came - just the Seeker. No tomorrow, no today, just now and now and now...

(I saw sacrifice and blood spilled. Something dreadful - a monster - taken. My own deaths - the raven to take me there and back again).

With the Seeker, by the side of the lake. I gave him the gift of the Smith; he gave me a black feather. To write, to fly, to be free.

(I was fire, I was flame. I saw a wheel. I burned and was glad).

He had been from death, through it and out the other side. And having come from it and through it, he could not be owned by it. He told me we all walked the rainbow path, could fly from it but never escape fully from it. He told me to walk with the ravens, to know their battle cry and see with their eyes. He told me fear was worthless; he told me to fly.

He was the Seeker. So are we all.


*After this, I also want to go down to the Shamanism threads, find out more about that. The beginning of the visualization was really powerful: I stood with a raven on my shoulder and, though I wasn't seeing through his eyes, I was seeing what he saw. Dawn breaking on the first day. Nothing more - and the Sun didn't rise - but just that moment of waiting, of holding on, knowing something was coming, feeling the quiet and the peace of that first sunrise...but I think I lucked into this moment! I used to be better at visualizing, but my mind is so muddy now...