le fey
meginmd said:That is so not worth it. If I can't be loved for who I am--not for who I'll become--then I'm better off alone, because at least then I know I'm not worth loving as I am now.
And yet, lasting relationships work because each person is committed not only to the people they are today, but to the people they will become as the years pass, no?
I agree with all that others have said and want to add another thought regarding the Hanged Man... take a look at the image - the Hanged Man is naked, vulnerable... and unafraid of that vulnerability. It's not a weakness, it's a strength that frees the Hanged Man up to offer every bit of who he is without fear.
Your comments about yourself and your expectations are so negative... how could anyone every break through them to even find you, much less love you, if you take any challenge as an indicator that it's just not meant to be, or not worth it?
The Hanged Man imagery is about self-sacrifice - and seeing the sacrifice not as a tragedy but a gift. I wonder if it might be telling you to sacrifice your protective beliefs that keep you from the vulnerabilities that go with giving and receiving love? Not to change everything about yourself.. but to alter you VIEW of yourself and of love? That's scary - letting go of that is going to leave you naked and exposed - but that's the only way to let anyone close enough to love you. If you hide, you'll only convince yourself that anyone who *does* love you loves only the outer shell, not the real you.
I know how hard that can be - but if you truly want people to love you for who you are, you've got to be willing to reveal yourself to them without fear and without running to triumphantly shout 'see! I knew I was destined to have no one love me!" the moment it starts to feel uncomfortable.