Husband Disapproves

I am at a loss. I really feel that I should be reading, but my husband disapproves of it calling it "EVIL". Has anyone gone through this? I end up hiding my deck, and doing readings behind his back. I hate being so secretive, but I feel this is important.

My husband was rasied a strict Baptist. When I bought my first deck for myself, we had been living together for about 3-4 years; I seem to remember it was shortly after we had tied the knot that I went to buy my own deck. Point being, he knew me well as a person by then.

At first, he was very wary of it. He's always had a mutual fascination and repulsion to the things I'm into - I remember how he looked through a copy of the Tibetan Book of the Dead on my bookshelf when we were dating and seemed both curious and spooked.

In the first few years, I only read for myself or very close friends/family. I didn't read often, like I do now... and when I did, I was always alone or waited until a time when he was gone. I knew reading Tarot spooked him too, but he knew it wasn't smart to tell Alissa "You can't do that...."

After those years of nothing happening (no ghosts invaded the house, Satan didn't show up for the barbeque, nothing) his fear began to wane. And his curiousity waxed. He grew older, as did I, and more tempered in his emotional reactions... and was old enough to ask mature spiritual questions of what he had been taught by the church as a child.

Fast forward to now, over a decade later... my husband has his own deck, three actually, but only one he reads with. He doesn't read often, but he does love his cards. At times, he asks me to read for him instead, especially for large work-related issues. It's been years since he was spooked by his wife's strange path, and he's quite accustomed to my ways now.

But it took a very long time, and a lot of internal growth (on both our parts) before he got to this place inside.

I share this because I hope you realize a few things: one, you must follow your path. To thine own self be true... yes, your husband is part of your path, but your spirit must never NEVER be denied. Two, time may change things, may change how he feels about the whole Tarot thing... or it may not. But until Time Passes, you won't know for sure. So be patient.

If you feel he is open to a dialogue, if not now then maybe someday, I would encourage you to ask him to share his feelings with you more fully. It may be that his disapproval is masking fear, as it was in our case. It may be a lot of things, but until you ask him to explain his emotions about it, it can be difficult to resolve. By honoring his emotions, although you should not feel the need to "do as he says," but by honoring how he feels about it, he may in time learn to honor how you feel for Tarot as well.

Remember... be covert if you need to, but do not sacrifice your own path for the sake of pleasing another. It's never worth that.

Hmm

That makes sense as he was raised by a strict Christian woman as I was. He thinks I am delving into the devil's works. I have been married to him almost five years and my biological mom(the reader in the family) had sent me a deck to practice with. He threw them away, and his mother thinks I shouldnt be reading them either. I am a christian myself, but I do believe that I have a gift and that I should use it as long as it is not solely for personal gain, or try to hurt anyone etc.

possum, you *can* be a Christian and a Tarot reader, and there are plenty on our forums who've discussed as much, I assure you. Reading Tarot does not mean giving up your Christian faith.

It may mean giving up some of the other ideas that faith contains, certain ideas may no longer fit who you are today, but it does not mean giving up on your faith. If you like, try searching this forum with keywords like "Christian" and see how many threads exist dedicated to just this subject! You are not alone in your struggles. Believe in yourself!

I used to hide my interest in tarot from my husband, but not any more. He seems all right with it. He has a "don't ask don't tell" kind of attitude toward it. But what is much more difficult is when your kids are old enough to disapprove. My daughter is 19 and there is no way that she would be at least open-minded about it. She has a boyfriend who is from a "down on your knees" type Christian family and anything that has to do with other beliefs, even the daily astrology report in the newspaper is seen as something from the Dark Side. Ugh. I love her, but fear that some day this is really going to come between us.

I too believe that we must follow our own paths, and fair is fair so my daughter must follow hers. What I am attempting to do is to set the example of tolerance so that hopefully she will treat me as I treat her. The boyfriend is a nice enough kid, her age, but I've met his family and they are in my opinion a bit out of touch with the world. Therein lies the problem. When people close themselves to any other viewpoints they are not easy to be around.

Tara

I feel your pain, and I see things working out for you and your daughter. The kind of people that "judge" which is how for some reason I view the boyfriend's parents, are really not right with themselves, and are a little insecure. THey may believe fully, and may in fact be ok, but there is something there that should not be pushed on the innocent especially when it comes between loved ones. Does this make sense? I feel like I am rambling. Thanks for the encouragement on my husband and I though.

Ignorance often produces this sort of response to Tarot. The Inquisition did a good job of demonising it to the extent that we are still coming up against such silly beliefs even in the 21st Century. Its a pack of cards for goodness sake.

Ask him 'What' it is that he finds evil? Which card in particular and what effect this is supposed to have? How does the study of life via the cards become a study of the Devil?

If he can adequately explain exactly how and why Tarot is a connection to some sort of evil then listen to him and seriously consider his argument. (I say this because there can be no argument that I can think of!)

If he can't (and I doubt he will), strike a bargain and ask him to at least read the following before making up his mind completely:

http://www.members.tripod.com/TarotCanada/IsTarotEvil.html

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/13596.htm

Or show him one of the Christian decks available, the Master cards for example

http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/cards/master/

Trust is the problem, not tarot.

This is a serious problem. This is a marriage, and that means you should not have to hide who you are. When you try to keep things secret, then you create a situation like that of a volcano going off. It's all hidden away, till it's discovered (and it WILL be discovered!) and everything explodes--his anger at you for lying and doing "evil"--your frustration with him for not accepting and making you sneak around.

So. Change the situation. Don't let it go that way. This isn't going to be easy, but the other way--sneaking and hiding--is cowardly and will lead to worse results. You must, instead, pray, meditate, prepare and confront him.

So you need to sit him down and tell him, "You're my husband, and I love you. And I don't believe in hiding things from you or lying. That's not good for our marriage. I am not doing anything wrong or evil with tarot cards, I am doing what God wants me to do. I have prayed and meditated about it, and I know that this is a gift from God that I need to use. There is nothing wrong in it. I will be doing this. I don't ask for your approval, but I will not stand for you or anyone else condemning me for doing it or passing judgment. I will not stand for you or anyone else throwing out my cards or books or trying to intervene or change me. This is part of what I do. This is part of who I am. You don't have to watch or participate, but you MUST trust me one this. As the woman you love, as your wife, you must trust me first and above all others, including your parents. If you can't do this, if you can't believe that I know what I'm doing, that I know good from evil, and that I'd never do evil, then we need to see someone."

Don't try to convert him, don't try to justify the use of tarot cards. If he believes them evil, then your arguments are going to fall on deaf ears. The one important argument here is this: You KNOW in your heart that Tarot is NOT evil, and what you're doing is approved by God. He either believes you, or he doesn't. If he doesn't, then that is your problem. If he can't take your word on this, what else can't he take your word on?

I don't doubt your husband's concern or belief is genuine, but it's also clear that your need, your spiritual calling here to use tarot, is also genuine. If it wasn't, you could just say, "Well, he doesn't like it so I won't do it." If your need is strong enough that you're sneaking around, then it's time to come out of the closet, be open and honest, and offer a trip to counseling if differences can't be resolved.

One caution: be sure you pick the councellor ahead of time. If your husband insists on arguing that the cards or evil, says he won't let you do it, then say, "We've an appointment with this therapist on Thursday." And you go to that appointment whether he comes with you or not. Otherwise he'll try to get you to some minister who will want to convert you on the topic of tarot cards. You need someone who will see that this is not about Tarot, but about control, fear, faith, etc. And it could apply to almost anything. Tarot is just the "flashpoint" of difference.

Either your husband puts you first, either he can say to his mother, "I trust my wife and you will not criticize her," or he can't. If he can't, you've a larger problem than tarot cards.

A very thought-provoking post, Thirteen. Thank-you.

LB

my hubby disapproved for a while.and for it I was feeling uncomfortable.
but now,he is not saying so anymore.