Meddling, muddling ADD querent

ADD is a stupid excuse.

Listen. I have attention-deficit/hyperactive disorder too, and I know how to be polite to somebody when they're talking to me. Just sayin'. And I'm not on meds either.

I think your friendship with her is probably way more important than the so called readings, which are more of a parlor game actually, a fun diversion for her, so just keep it as a game and let it go. Write down her readings later and track them for your own accuracy, just so you can feel like you've done something useful. Pretend like they're practice readings.

oh look, a butterfly...............

FLizarraga said:

Trust me, Grizabella, as annoying as she can get, she doesn't do it on purpose. Those are compulsive behaviors. She can't NOT answer the phone, and she has trouble focusing. We joke that, if somebody calls her by mistake after she dies, she'll pick up and say: "Listen, I can't talk to you right now, I'm just being cremated. I'll call you later!"

She doesn't even put her cell on silent, ever. When I visit her, we chat and watch Netflix together all night, until she starts falling asleep on me. Then, while I'm walking home (we live about a mile apart) I start calling her and telling her to please look for my cellphone, since apparently I left it at her apartment. Her pleas of: "Stop calling me! Let me SLEEP!" keep me entertained throughout the walk...

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I have a partner with ADD and know exactly how compulsive—and frustrating—that sort of behavior can be. But your friend can learn to manage those habits—if she's willing. How does she deal with it at work, or in the classroom if she is studying? There are many social situations where taking calls on a cell phone isn't tolerated. Like seeing a doctor, going for a job interview. Have you tried insisting that having a Tarot reading is one of those situations? Tell her the EMFs interfere with the spiritual influences - to say nothing of your concentration!

Nope

I agree about this. I have ADHD(even harder to sit still), and I read cards and get readings without any distraction issues. I also don't take phone calls during my readings for others or during readings done for me by others. I take care before a reading to turn my phone on silent and put it in my purse.

Thinking of her ADD and realizing how much it affects her life is very understanding of you, but giving this person excuses for disrespecting your generosity and concentration during her readings is totally unnecessary. It's not her ADD...it's her lack of respect. Maybe she needs a card time out?

I will let you in on what an ADDer will do if they are counting on your readings and taking it seriously...
Anyone with ADD and ADHD will hyperfocus when they are engaged in something they really want. Sure reading books and listening to lectures at school can be a total snoozeathon for me and I retain nothing without taping it and listening again. I'm horrible with auditory learning. But if someone does a reading for me or I'm reading an emotional letter from someone, I will be totally focused into it so that nothing else can distract me. Hyperfocus is a real ADD- related term. And also, tarot is captivating and easy to follow when you have the cards there (auditory + visual = way easier to follow). If anything, your friend should be hyper focusing on the reading and blowing off anything else. Ok, I do understand if she starts talking and one tangent flows into another without so much as taking a breath in between. That's the flow of thoughts and impulsivity without a needed filter. Why not let her know you'll tackle questions at the end of the reading but want to make sure you hit all the important things in the reading before you forget them?

I hope your friend learns to value and respect your card readings. I hope she's like most ADDers and she'll take it very seriously when you tell her how you feel, since ADDers tend to be very sensitive to others needs. So hopefully once you share with her, she will wise up.

chimera68 said:

Listen. I have attention-deficit/hyperactive disorder too, and I know how to be polite to somebody when they're talking to me. Just sayin'. And I'm not on meds either.

I think your friendship with her is probably way more important than the so called readings, which are more of a parlor game actually, a fun diversion for her, so just keep it as a game and let it go. Write down her readings later and track them for your own accuracy, just so you can feel like you've done something useful. Pretend like they're practice readings.

oh look, a butterfly...............

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There are very good responses here that many of us can apply to different situations.

I think I did read all the posts here, but I may have missed something. Have you specifically told her that you cannot concentrate with a lot of distractions and in order for you to provide the best reading possible, it would be helpful to you if she could turn her phone off? If she's so wonderful, she really should be able to take your request to heart if it's presented as you needing to concentrate, rather than anything she's doing.

I know plenty of people with ADD and they are respectful and can turn off a phone. I also know people without ADD who have some sort of phone addiction linked to their need to feel important at all times and use the phone as some sort of status symbol.

It does sound to me like she isn't taking the readings seriously and considers them some sort of entertainment. So you have to decide, do you enjoy this party like atmosphere, or would you rather have something more serious?

You're really good to put up with it for so long. I'm the type that would say, phone off or no reading.

Good luck with it.

I think the above are all very good suggestions. You will definitely need to continue to read for her as you owe her money and I note you mentioned that you are repaying her bit by bit so this may not be a minute sum of money. If she is willing to lend you that much money it is only fair for you to read for her and put up with this behavior in return for her generosity. If I were you I will just let her shuffle and write down notes and send her your notes which would be self explanatory?

I think people are mixing up add and hyper activity in this thread. Being neurotic and having to constantly have some stimulation is not a trait of true add, add people will look like they are not focused but often times they just arent focusing on YOU, in their head they are %100 focused on their own thoughts, or on some crack in the floor that they are studying.

It truly sounds like she is just a hyper active, mile a minute type of person, and thats different than ADD IMO. She sounds more OCD, she has compulsions and she HAS to follow them, it's like a tick. She doesnt even think about it, she most likely just observes herself picking up her phone and doesn't have much control over it.

Not EVERYONE that doesnt show you the utmost respect in the limited way you are used too(talking to most of the "put your foot down or cut her off" types that have posted in this thread) are doing it to be disrespectful, remember whats disrespect can vary WILDLY from culture to culture, and even person to person.

IMO some people take themselves, and tarot WAY too seriously, like for real you guys would punish one of your best friends who loans you money and in every other way treats you like a sister because she gets distracted during readings? You guys must not be very fun, you're probably really strict parents if you have kids no offense if thats your style, its just a buzzkill, coming from a person who's parents spanked him any time he got slightly out of line

These reading dont sound like something she necessarily wants because she has a dying question she needs to get answered, I think she is truly fascinated by psychic phenomena, and just loves the rush of feeling like she is experiencing a "special moment.", its the novelty of it. I think its also just a way for the two of you to bond, as it sounds like even though the true tarot reader inside of you gets annoyed, the friend inside of you gets a real kick out of your friend, because she is a 100% unapologetic lover of life, and set in her own ways, and knows it too, but tries to make up for it in other ways.

I have a friend that begs me for readings all the time just because she wants to feel validation of her own thoughts, its no more serious to her than gossiping with her girlfriends from school, its like divine gossip.

If you absolutely cannot go on like this, the candle idea sounds great, OR, give her the deck and let her shuffle it non stop, she'll probably get addicted to that, tell her its in case you guys need to draw a card for clarification, that you want the deck to get infused with her energy.

Sorry for the long post, I really wanted to address the negative nancies that advocated cutting her off from readings even though she sounds like she has a mental or emotional disability, some people TRULY cant help it, and if you don't believe that, and think some people just werent given enough spankings as a child, go to a mental institution and find someone with severe OCD, alot of them were abused as children and its a part of their coping mechanism.

I think you are a great friend to her and it sounds like you have a blast with her, I'm glad she has a friend like you, and I' glad you are so understanding of her. My sister is mentally disabled, and I love her to death, but I cant tell you how many times she will just BLURT out embarrassing details about me to people that I would never want them to know and then act like nothing happened. Some people truly cant help it, its up to you to just find a solution to cope with it.

I can just picture someone sitting there holding candles in each hand! That's funny. I'm also picturing them having to balance a copy of Aleister Crowley's Book of Thoth on their head! Now that's really funny!

chimera68 said:

oh look, a butterfly...............

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First laugh of the day. Thank you!

Divine gossip... Lol!

I have ADD and ADHD family and two of them I raised from birth. So anything anyone wants to tell me about being ignorant and mean probably needs some rethinking. I've also worked with kids with the problem. And married someone with it. And a lot of them were untreated. I'm old. Calling the issue a long named problem and shoving a pill into them wasn't always the answer because it hadn't been invented yet.

What I said about stopping when she doesn't pay attention is a very benign way of helping her to focus. There's nothing wrong with that. It's really very simple. Reading cards, she answers phone, stop reading cards till she pays attention. Read cards again, she fiddles with phone, reading stops, And there's absolutely nothing wrong with finally just picking up the cards and saying "Okay, 'nuff for now" and doing something else. Doing things to help your friend makes more sense than enabling her to act this way, doesn't it? Obviously, if you didn't want suggestions you wouldn't have posted about it. It's absolutely true that people with ADD can---and definitely do---hyperfocus when they're interested in something.

And if you owe your friend money, why not pay her back some other way if she isn't into readings? It seems like she'd want something she really valued---like maybe a new phone case now and then or something.