To Keep a Tarot Gift:

Hi Tabi,
I have lots of things that people have given me that I don't care for. When my children were little they would buy some of the worst perfumes/soaps for me. I used them anyway. Guess I was more interested in making my boys happy than in making me happy. (Some of the perfume got 'accidently spilled' which helped!) Ask yourself - 'what will hubby think if I get rid of this deck'. That sould give you your answer. If it would hurt him, don't get rid of it. If he really doesn't notice your decks, you could probably trade it without hurting his feelings.

It seems to me that he got it because he is secretly hoping to learn the tarot... maybe you could offer to teach him- and since he likes that deck so much, he can use it! Imagine, if you get him into tarot, how many more decks you can buy!

Since you've repeatedly told him about your dislike of the deck, you probably only have two choices. Bite your tongue and keep it or sit him down and ask just why he's bought you a deck that you neither asked for or wanted.

You could always gift it him back if he's so keen on the deck then he can have it.

Hubby once bought me a very expensive crystal vase, this thing is a monster, too big to sit on a table so I have it on the floor - I've never used it, I'd need a garden full of flowers just to fill it. I joke that I could use it as an umbrella stand - I didn't ask for this vase or, to be honest, want it but after Hubby said how long it had taken him to pick it out, I did soften somewhat and so I keep it around (as a reminder not to get me weird presents again )

I understand where you're comeing from. I've had a simmilar situation happen. But in your husband's defense, The Medieval Scapini is a fantastic deck. It may not be the prettiest out there, but it's got a fantastic insight. (And if I remeber correct, I believe Scapini was asked to "fill in" the missing cards for the Visconti. I might be wrong on that point though). Aside from that, I find that it's usually the decks that a person shuns the most are the ones that are the most supprising.

I fought myself for almost 2 years with the Russian Tarot Of St. Petersburg. It was one of the decks that I absolutely didn't want. But one day, I cracked and went ahead and bought it. Turns out, I ended up loveing it.

Just give te Medieval Scapini a chance. It might supprise you.

raventepes said:

I understand where you're comeing from. I've had a simmilar situation happen. But in your husband's defense, The Medieval Scapini is a fantastic deck. It may not be the prettiest out there, but it's got a fantastic insight. (And if I remeber correct, I believe Scapini was asked to "fill in" the missing cards for the Visconti. I might be wrong on that point though). Aside from that, I find that it's usually the decks that a person shuns the most are the ones that are the most supprising.

I fought myself for almost 2 years with the Russian Tarot Of St. Petersburg. It was one of the decks that I absolutely didn't want. But one day, I cracked and went ahead and bought it. Turns out, I ended up loveing it.

Just give te Medieval Scapini a chance. It might supprise you.

Click to expand...

Same thing happened here, Raventapes. I couldn't even look at the Tarot of the Witches (Fergus Hall), thought it was horrible, ugly, yuck...then it started following me around. I thought i was going mad - what, THAT deck - but one day i just couldn't resist and i got it.

I find it fascinating right now. Really a great surprise, very different from any other deck i own. And colorful!!!

~Marina

It's not the deck that bothers me. It's that he knew you didn't like it.

So, either it is an amazing deck and he was so compelled to buy it for you he couldn't help it... or he's a bit troubling as a person.

Personally, I'd try the deck out just to figure which one it was. But maybe just me.

Hmmmm he knew you hated this deck, yet got it for you anyways because he thinks it's good you have a deck different from others in your collection?

Sounds controlling and passive-aggressive. Not like a gift from the heart to make you happy. If it was me I'd give it away, return it, sell/trade it.

Someone gives me something from the heart thinking I'll love it, and I hate it. I just keep it as it was a sweet, thoughtful gesture and gift.

yes, I'd have to agree with berrieh. he knew you did not like it, as many times he told you that he wanted you to have it, & you responded "No, I don't like it". It was nice that he went out and bought something for you on his own w/o any help at all. But, he should have also rememebered that you said numerous times you didn't want or like the deck.

Now, that said, have you given the thought that maybe HE is interested in learning tarot himself? I mean, he has constantly been brought to this deck-more then once, according to you. It seems to be calling to him. So, maybe you can help him to learn tarot, using this deck, and then gifting it back to him.

either that, or take it back to Borders and exchange it for something else you would prefer. it's yours now to do with as you like. my husband & i always say a gift freely given can also freely be exchanged.

hard as it is for the gift giver, they have no right to be upset if you exchange if for something else you would prefer instead. just remember the item you exchange it for is the then the gift he gave you for Christmas!

Oh wow! Personally, I think for now I would keep the deck. Then whichever is first his birthday or next Christmas really return to him in kind. Say it's his birthday and you often pick out clothes for him as a gift. You know his likes and dislikes in clothes. So I would pick out something that he wouldn't be caught dead in, buy it and wrap it lavishly! Be fanastic about his birthday otherwise and attempt to be genuine in this gift to him. I am saying go for it as real in every sense of the word. LOL Just be certain that he really wouldn't wear it. Of course it can't be a true clowns outfit. But it could be colors that he hates or styles total unlike his own. Like Senfield's puffy shirt! LOL Give it to him, then tell him you are also taking him out to dine and birthday boy has to dress up in his new birthday clothes on going out to eat. See if he treats your chosen gift as biting his tongue and going along with it or if he refuses your gift and won't even put it on. If he has the right to refuse it, then I wouldn't say anything, but soon after, do place the deck on ebay or in trading here. If he ever ask what happened to the deck he bought you then tell him, it wasn't something that you could use and sorry if it hurts feelings, but decided if you didn't care for my gift, then I should be able to get the value for the deck that I totally disliked.

You could then do Christmas' going back to your telling him exactly what to buy you or you may want to do what my hubby and I do. We usually payoff one of the major store's credit cards we have and we preset ourselves each a limit that we will spend. We have a day that we go and each pick out, whatever our heart desires within that store for ourselves. If it is clothes, rings, whatever we try it on, and buy each our own likes as a gift given from the other person. If he wants He-man stuff, he can go for it! I usually go for fine jewelry, but just whatever floats our boats goes. There is no surprise on Christmas. Often we decorate for the season, but don't always wrap the gifts, since now it is just the two of us at home. Rule is we don't get the gifts as ours to have until Christmas. There is no long duration of standing in the return lines after Christmas. Plus we did spend those hours in the same store (often apart), yet together, and we happily share what we picked out that the other paid for. Big smile! Then we go out to eat before coming home. I can't tell you how many compliments this year's presents has brought me. I smile and say that it was a Christmas gift from my husband. Usually next I am told what great taste he has! LOL Some people I share of our shopping spree and peace of mind gifting or else I'll say I picked it out. One reason that we started this is that our taste are varied and of the returns. But mostly due to the things I like I have a good deal of. So to say just get me something on tarot or one of the other collections he would have to have a wish list of pick from. I know he would hate having to go in search of it too.

P.S. If you was to buy say that one of a kind shirt for DH's birthday and he tells you something like, "No way! You got to be kidding me!" Do kindly tell him, "But Hun, you need to change things up a bit, you always wear the same types of things. I wanted you to expand your entire. Don't you want to broaden your horizon? To try something fresh and different?"

(Wisp Wings closing this and so wishing she knew how to make that devilish grin icon)

Well...it's been said...but I don't think you should have to bite your tongue if you've already expressed repeatedly that you do not like the deck. I do agree that you should try to find out why he got it for you, though. Sometimes they think they're doing something good for you. My boyfriend has yet to actually get me a gift I didn't like. The first time he gave me something was actually this Christmas, when he picked out an opal and we designed a pendant together--very, very sweet, regardless of the fact that an opal probably wasn't something I would have instinctively bought...it is beautiful. I also received the Golden Botticelli from his parents at his recommendation, because he knew I really wanted it.

However, he has repeatedly asked me if I wanted, say, a new computer, because it's something that HE would want, and very logical. I've told him that I really just don't want a new computer...granted, mine has its problems though it still works fine, and I probably would have loved it after a while...but I told him there are just many other things I want more. Sometimes, we make the mistake of buying something WE would like. He likes very practical things, whereas I have a tendency to like very impractical, "pretty" things--and I had the same problem for a while of wanting to get him something "symbolic"--not that it couldn't still be useful or appealing, but it's not what he would want...and he's wanted to get me practical things that just don't excite me.

Then again, people can surprise you. He's very into graphic novels, while I am not. But he discovered the Tarot Café series when we were at the mall and bought me a couple volumes. And even though I probably wouldn't have gone out of my way to buy it (especially at $10 each!) I really like it a lot.

Find out his thoughts and intentions. Then decide whether you need to have a chat with him, and take it from there.