firemaiden
A VILLAGE SQUARE
BATELEUR steps up onto an overturned soapbox. He looks in his pants pockets. Nothing. Searches in his right shirt pocket. Nothing....Looks inside trousers. BUTTERFLIES stream out.
Searches trouser cuffs. A half-hatched RUBBER CHICKEN flies out feet-first, (BLUUUUUCK buck buck buck buck)
Sound of toaster popping. BING. TOAST flies out of left shirt pocket. BING. Toast flies out of right pocket. BING BING BING BING. Toast fires in rapid succession from various pockets, hitting man in nose. Man falls backwards off box. (sound of plates SMASHING).
He crawls back onto soapbox. Stands up. Slicks back hair.
He searches inside waistcoat pockets. Left and right sides, frowns. Flings out woman's lace corset, (sound of WHISTLE and SCREAM) feels backpockets. Smiles. Pulls out yards and yards of tied together silk scarves. Last scarf is tied to a piece of paper covered with penciled writing. He breathes sigh of relief.
He folds his speech and yards of silk scarves into big wad. The wad turns into a two blue doves that fly away.
BATELEUR steps up onto an overturned soapbox. He looks in his pants pockets. Nothing. Searches in his right shirt pocket. Nothing....Looks inside trousers. BUTTERFLIES stream out.
BATELEUR
Ladies and Gentleman!! Ladies and...
Searches trouser cuffs. A half-hatched RUBBER CHICKEN flies out feet-first, (BLUUUUUCK buck buck buck buck)
BATELEUR
Ladies....Ladies and...um...
Sound of toaster popping. BING. TOAST flies out of left shirt pocket. BING. Toast flies out of right pocket. BING BING BING BING. Toast fires in rapid succession from various pockets, hitting man in nose. Man falls backwards off box. (sound of plates SMASHING).
BATELEUR
(mutters from behind box)
(mutters from behind box)
Dangblast it!
He crawls back onto soapbox. Stands up. Slicks back hair.
BATELEUR
That’s right, step right up folks step…right...um...
He searches inside waistcoat pockets. Left and right sides, frowns. Flings out woman's lace corset, (sound of WHISTLE and SCREAM) feels backpockets. Smiles. Pulls out yards and yards of tied together silk scarves. Last scarf is tied to a piece of paper covered with penciled writing. He breathes sigh of relief.
BATELEUR
That’s right, step right up folks step right up (not too close to the wagon-wheel son, you’ll get grease on yer pants). Coming soon to a venue near you – Morty the Rubber Chicken and Psychic…I mean Sidekick…will be doing Madam Lenormand Readings for Phun and Profit (no payment required, for your entertainment only, not available in all states, please read rules and exceptions below).
We need bodies, that’s right I said bodies, actors – actresses – dancers – jugglers – the girl with the python – the man with the chainsaw – bring your characters to the show for phun and phrolics!
Oh – want a reading? Well you can’t have one – you must write to a friend and have them post reword and request your reading for you, (“I have a friend who wants to know…” should be the beginning of each query). If you are submitting a question for a friend, you must keep their identity secret, and not post any feedback until all readings are complete.
Non-querent participation in the thread is encouraged.
Thank you very much.
We need bodies, that’s right I said bodies, actors – actresses – dancers – jugglers – the girl with the python – the man with the chainsaw – bring your characters to the show for phun and phrolics!
Oh – want a reading? Well you can’t have one – you must write to a friend and have them post reword and request your reading for you, (“I have a friend who wants to know…” should be the beginning of each query). If you are submitting a question for a friend, you must keep their identity secret, and not post any feedback until all readings are complete.
Non-querent participation in the thread is encouraged.
Thank you very much.
He folds his speech and yards of silk scarves into big wad. The wad turns into a two blue doves that fly away.
~ co-written with Umbrae