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Originally Posted by RiverRunsDeep View Post
Bohemian Gothic: Ace of Pentacles and Nine of Swords
The solution involves spooky skulls and ghosts. The termites will be so
terrorized by nightmares that they will pack up and leave.

Q: What the heck happened to my slippers?
Six of cups and three of wands

A little boy was looking for things to put in golden cups to give to his sister, and he somehow stumbled upon your slippers and put them in. The sister took the slippers, and kept them. Eighteen years later, the girl could still fit in the slippers, and she went on a journey across the world, still wearing your slippers.

Q: How can I stop procrastinating?
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Originally Posted by Tathome View Post
Six of cups and three of wands

A little boy was looking for things to put in golden cups to give to his sister, and he somehow stumbled upon your slippers and put them in. The sister took the slippers, and kept them. Eighteen years later, the girl could still fit in the slippers, and she went on a journey across the world, still wearing your slippers.

Q: How can I stop procrastinating?
Ten of Wands and Death

Taking up the sport of Caber tossing will give you a new found ability to focus your mind, this will of course will lead to a new you who's both focused and dedicated to throwing trees about.

Will I ever master the dance of Hokey Pokey?
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Originally Posted by emsky View Post
Ten of Wands and Death

Taking up the sport of Caber tossing will give you a new found ability to focus your mind, this will of course will lead to a new you who's both focused and dedicated to throwing trees about.

Will I ever master the dance of Hokey Pokey?
Temperance and the Eight of swords
Continue to practice the dance of Hokey Pokey, and the Hokey Pokey gods will grant you wings with which you may do the Hokey Pokey dance with (you put your left wing in, you take your left wing out, you put your left wing in and you flap it all about).
Although you will hokey like no one has every pokeyed before, you will soon find that your wings turn into blindfolds, and the hokey pokey gods lock you in a chamber of sharp objects so that you cannot overshadow all of the amateur hokey pokeyers.

Q: How can I improve my jazzercise skill?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tathome View Post
Temperance and the Eight of swords
Continue to practice the dance of Hokey Pokey, and the Hokey Pokey gods will grant you wings with which you may do the Hokey Pokey dance with (you put your left wing in, you take your left wing out, you put your left wing in and you flap it all about).
Although you will hokey like no one has every pokeyed before, you will soon find that your wings turn into blindfolds, and the hokey pokey gods lock you in a chamber of sharp objects so that you cannot overshadow all of the amateur hokey pokeyers.

Q: How can I improve my jazzercise skill?
cat's eye tarot: king of wands, four of cups

really? your jazzercise skills? you have better things to do, like doze in the sun for hours and hours. once in a while you have to go through the unpleasant effort of moving your body to a source of food a whole 50 metres away but i guess it's okay because it's all nicely decorated there with a fish pond and pink lotus blossoms. nothing about jazzercise. fogeddabouddidd.

is it really worth my trouble to go and get a pedicure?
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Originally Posted by fractalgranny View Post
cat's eye tarot: king of wands, four of cups

really? your jazzercise skills? you have better things to do, like doze in the sun for hours and hours. once in a while you have to go through the unpleasant effort of moving your body to a source of food a whole 50 metres away but i guess it's okay because it's all nicely decorated there with a fish pond and pink lotus blossoms. nothing about jazzercise. fogeddabouddidd.

is it really worth my trouble to go and get a pedicure?
RWS: Five of wands, Seven of wands
Soon a group of boys will come up to you and start poking you with sticks, and you'll get really annoyed so you'll hit them back. It will keep escalating until an entire village is trying to poke you with sticks and you're up on a plateau trying to fight them off. In the process you will chip a few nails, so you'll probably want to go get a manicure, and yeah, you might as well get a pedicure while you're there.

Q: What should I do if my seafood dish comes to life and starts flopping around on my plate?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tathome View Post
RWS: Five of wands, Seven of wands
Soon a group of boys will come up to you and start poking you with sticks, and you'll get really annoyed so you'll hit them back. It will keep escalating until an entire village is trying to poke you with sticks and you're up on a plateau trying to fight them off. In the process you will chip a few nails, so you'll probably want to go get a manicure, and yeah, you might as well get a pedicure while you're there.

Q: What should I do if my seafood dish comes to life and starts flopping around on my plate?
geez, i wish people wouldn't always ask this question. yawn.

oh well, i'll pull two cards for you because you gave me such good advice re the pedicure.

cat's eye: moon, ten of wands

you'll get so scared that you'll run up a tree and stay there past midnight. the next day you'll swear off seafood forever, realizing that you should have eaten snakes all along.

what else do i need to know about feet, especially strangers'?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fractalgranny View Post
geez, i wish people wouldn't always ask this question. yawn.

oh well, i'll pull two cards for you because you gave me such good advice re the pedicure.

cat's eye: moon, ten of wands

you'll get so scared that you'll run up a tree and stay there past midnight. the next day you'll swear off seafood forever, realizing that you should have eaten snakes all along.

what else do i need to know about feet, especially strangers'?
9 of cups, 10 of cups.

With all the water in those cups, I would say that the feet in question
are in need of a good washing. Eeew!

Why does my dog keep hiding her toys behind the couch?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverRunsDeep View Post
9 of cups, 10 of cups.

With all the water in those cups, I would say that the feet in question
are in need of a good washing. Eeew!

Why does my dog keep hiding her toys behind the couch?
Page of Pentacles and The Lovers

Your dog took its toys out into a field, looked at them, and decided that they thought their toys might be getting bored. Your dog brought them home and created a massive diorama to put them in, complete with a volcano, a huge angel, an overwhelming sun, and nude people. But they hid it behind the couch before you came home so that you wouldn't ask any questions.

Q: I'm going to fill my waterbed with apple juice - how will it work out?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tathome View Post
Page of Pentacles and The Lovers

Your dog took its toys out into a field, looked at them, and decided that they thought their toys might be getting bored. Your dog brought them home and created a massive diorama to put them in, complete with a volcano, a huge angel, an overwhelming sun, and nude people. But they hid it behind the couch before you came home so that you wouldn't ask any questions.

Q: I'm going to fill my waterbed with apple juice - how will it work out?
8 of swords and Knight of Cups (and Hermit fell out too)

Unfortunately an unknown person will tie you up and stick 8 long swords into your apple juice filled water bed in a fit of jealousy at your wonderful idea, you will be very sad... But don't worry, because a young man riding a beautiful steed will charge in and rescue the apple juice with his huge cup. He will scoop up the apple juice and carry it holy grail style to some mountains. Here he will now live forever and eternally watching over your apple juice.

Why did I never get my letter to Hogwarts? :0(
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Originally Posted by emsky View Post

Why did I never get my letter to Hogwarts? :0(
amano: 3 of wands, wheel of fortune

a puny little fence prevented you from taking it to the mailbox, and as you were standing there wondering whether you should let it stop you, your eye was caught by a colourful whirly thing and you decided to become a burlesque dancer.

q: fudge brownie or straight chocolate?
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