how not to beat a question to death?

prudence said:

This is a sad scenario that plays out so often around here, it can be painful and frustrating to watch, it just seems so unhealthy. Questions on the former romantic interest, and his current relationship/marriage, questions about his feelings towards his GF/wife, leading to new questions because the reader is seeing only what she wants to see in the answers being given, ie yes, GF/wife is a horrible person, he is trapped in the relationship/marriage, and the ever popular "he's definitely looking to move on and reunite with the reader" etc. So many of the readings are based on speculation and wishful thinking due to misreading previous spreads. It becomes its own vicious cycle, and sometimes it seems the reader/seeker just wants to play in a make believe world where the cards are saying everything she wants to believe, even though nothing has actually happened in real life to give any hope.

Click to expand...

Totally agree prudence. The vicious cycle you speak of here makes me cringe. They may as well ask about George Clooney's feelings for them. *smh*

I was always told if you want a better answer ask a better question. Asking how to live with your uncle is fine. But if there are problems that haven't been resolved you must resolve those problems before there is a change. Maybe you asked wrong. Asking what hurdles are getting in the way of getting along with your uncle may be more productive. Then you might have an idea on what needs to change.


Also reading cards takes an objective eye. Cards have multiple meanings. Mayne you are looking at the wrong thing. There is a reason so many readers can't read their own cards. They aren't objective enough or they only look for what they want to see instead of seeing what they need to see.

I can't read my own cards and really don't care to do it. I'm not objective enough. I go to another reader who isn't so close to home. Maybe you can do the same

TinySpark said:

Hi All,

Soooo. I know we all have long and short term recurring issues, like relationship problems, career problems, family issues, etc.

How do we stop beating a dead horse? I know I am guilty of it to some degree. Every 3-5 weeks I ask the basically the same question of the tarot, phrased differently in vain hopes of getting "the" answer to all my prayers: How to get along with certain family members.

Is there even a point in stopping myself from asking the same-ish question? I mean using the tarot as a tool for problem solving seems like a fairly obvious choice.

Thoughts on what makes a recurring question to the tarot futility at work?

Click to expand...

I'd do real life without for a while as much as possible and anythng and everything that doesn't involve tarot and after that if am stumped I'd use it...or astrology or the pendulum.....just my two cents...you got to do the work first and exhaust yourself before asking for help I've found...and in that situation it's often an awful lot more helpful and clear xx

{I've been sitting on this post for three hours now, thinking I shouldn't post it and overwhelm you with all this info, thinking I shouldn't post it because it's pretty personal, thinking I just shouldn't post it. But I'm doing it anyway. In the hopes it may help.}

TinySpark said:

How do we stop beating a dead horse? ... Every 3-5 weeks I ask the basically the same question of the tarot, phrased differently in vain hopes of getting "the" answer to all my prayers: How to get along with certain family members.

Is there even a point in stopping myself from asking the same-ish question? I mean using the tarot as a tool for problem solving seems like a fairly obvious choice.

Thoughts on what makes a recurring question to the tarot futility at work?

Click to expand...

I can SO relate, TS. I am so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes blood is thicker than water only because there's more shit in it.

I don't get along with my sister and brother. We don't speak at all, at their request. Dysfunction junction childhood left wounds. I've healed a good bit, but they're still stuck in that pain and needing a scapegoat, so after Mom died eleven years ago, TAG, I'm it. Intellectually I know why they're doing it: some find emotional wounds too scary to face to heal, so instead just build that house of cards so they can deal with it, thinking that's easier. But emotionally I hate it. And have railed against it for years.

For a good long while I would try to find a way to fix it, but they refused to talk to me and demanded I not contact them again. I turned it round and round in my head, looking for any way to get them to talk to me, trying to figure out what I had done that made them hate me so. I wore myself out. It was crazymaking. I finally gave up, but still held out hope that they'd have a change of heart. That led to a few more years of disappointment - not just no Christmas cards, but hearing and experiencing things where they went out of their way to hurt me.

Then I realized my problem wasn't that we don't get along, but that I hurt because of that. So instead of asking the cards how to get along with them, I asked them how to get along without them. How not to hurt.

NOW I'm getting some crystal clear advice: "Give up that hope. Accept that you won't get along. Move on." It's advice that I certainly don't want to hear, but it's what I need. And it's working already - my hopes and expectations are no longer subject to being dashed to the ground along with my heart, and stomped on. It's like that bumper sticker: "Since I gave up hope, I feel much better." Seriously. Even after writing all that out, I'm sitting here smiling at the thought of that bumper sticker on my Aunt Gloria's car thirty years ago. Little did I know how personal I would get with that one!

I sincerely hope your family situation doesn't end up like mine, and maybe it won't. For the meantime though, maybe not just rephrasing the question, but asking a whole new one focused in a different direction may help you? One about you and not about them.

TinySpark said:

that's a great idea tarotot. I used to keep a tarot journal but then I moved and had to rid myself of a lot of stuff so that the move was manageable. I think I will start that up again. thanks!

Click to expand...

I was going to recommend this very thing! It's great for when I don't get it. I use the Evernote phone app to take a photo of the reading and add my interpretation and thoughts to it. Since it's online, I can look back at it whenever and wherever I am during the day or night, even adding thoughts to it later if I want. SO handy! A nice bonus is it doesn't take up any physical space.

Something else that keeps me wanting to do another reading on the same question is not trusting that I gleaned every bit of the message from the reading before I pick up the cards, losing it forever. One more bonus about recording it is that I know that no matter if I don't get it right then, I will, and it'll be right there waiting for me 'til I do. I get great peace from that.

I keep a weekly journal and still pull out the cards daily. I think part of it too is that tarot has become so boring, since I have been doing it for 15 years, and I miss that new feeling of doing tarot as a newbie where I am excited to learn something new every day with a daily reading.

Sometimes, i feel that this feeling would change if I buy new tarot card, but after I get over the newness of new tarot cards I go back to my old ones.

There are 3 reasons why one would obsess over asking the same question...
1. being a newbie and think that pulling a new card would change a situation.
2. obsess by personal circumstance and you want to see if a horrible situation will turn out better.
3. being bored with tarot, or your life and just annoying yourself to death by wanting tarot to entertain you just like how people watch tv out of boredom, but don't really like what they are watching.

I only read for myself, so I am self-absorbed when it comes to tarot, since most people around me think that it is a tool for the devil anyways. I think to get the focus off of myself I was going to do tarot readings on celebrities or politics...i don't know.

jolie_amethyst said:

One option: try this Serenity spread: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=92235 Or there are others about letting go of things in the Spreads section of the forum.

I do get like this once in a while still. What I personally do:
A) recognize there's one problem here that I can actually fix, and that's me being obsessive on a given subject--sometimes, that alone is enough to stop the process, but if not, then...
B) do ONE one card advice reading: "What's the next thing I should do on this subject?"
C) stop reading on that subject until I've actually followed through on that advice and given a bit of time for things to happen as a result of that advice
D) repeat steps B & C until either something changes or I reach acceptance with the fact that the situation cannot be fixed--usually, it's the latter

What I don't do: ever read on that subject again about anything other than advice. I never draw more than one card, period; this includes more clarifiers--if you don't understand the advice, think on it a while or ask here, but drawing additional cards only feeds your obsession.

And I never do another reading on the subject until I've followed the advice from the previous reading (and given time for that to work!) Often, Tarot makes it quickly obvious that the situation is going nowhere, like it or not. (My favorites I've gotten: my Significator, to say "what you already are is enough"; 8/Swords=accept your limitations or those of the situation in order to free yourself; 9/Swords=most of the problem at this point is your reaction to the situation; 10/Swords=it's done, it's over, it's well beyond fixing, give up already, get out of your own head and go do something else, for pity's sake!)

The more I've done this, the less often I've had to do it, because let's face it, being told over and over in different ways that there's nothing you can do to change the problem gets rather boring. And even though on a strictly logical level, I already know it can't be fixed, being told by the cards that there's nothing I can do reinforces that enough to make it easier to live with.

Sometimes, I'll get actual, useful advice to follow, like a getting a 2/Cups and recognizing that I need to act with loving-kindness towards those involved, for example. Or a court card that indicates who I need to approach or what traits I myself need to practice to bring things back on track. This advice may not totally resolve the problem; at times, it's one of several things you need to do. Often it's just another step on the path to acceptance. But it has happened where I've followed advice from a single card and watched a particularly thorny problem simply vanish.

Honestly though, I think it's best to just force yourself to stop and put the cards away as soon as you realize you've fallen into that cycle. It's rarely productive to spend time trying to fix these things; 90% of the time, there's nothing you can do but accept things as they are and either walk away or find a workaround that allows you to function well in spite of the problem.

Click to expand...

Best. Advice. Ever

I've fallen into this trap too

jolie_amethyst said:

One option: try this Serenity spread: http://www.tarotforum.net/showthread.php?t=92235

Click to expand...

Thank you, jolie_amethyst, for posting that link! (And if Embla is reading this thread, thank you for your spread.)

I appreciate your advice on taking concrete action steps and also LindaMechele's advice on accepting family members for who they are and not expecting them to change.

I like to ask the tarot (two card draw) how to show up as my best self at family gatherings: (1) what energy should I bring to the situation, and (2) what energy should I avoid. (Sorry, this is not advice for how not to beat a question to death. Hope it's not off topic for the thread.)

True. I have a perennial "Should I stay or should I go" employment issue. The cards tell me I should move on but "I'm afraid to make that change". So I throw in "What should I do?" or "Where should I go?" or "How about this opportunity?" And so on.
I do still feel at times my Guiding Spirit is looking down at me, eyes rolling, "Oh, get it together, Karl, alright already.

The latest newsletter from TarotTips has a new spread called Find the Pattern for people who keep asking the same questions repeatedly. It was created by Elinor Greenberg, a therapist who uses tarot in her work. I don't want to copy it without her permission, but you can find it here.

I would add that I have gone through this--in my case I was hung up on an ex--and I understand how hard it is. In my case, I finally mustered up the courage to tell him I wanted to get back together. It was a disaster--truly a Tower moment for me. But it was a great example of why the Tower can be so necessary: the lightning bolt shattered the illusion for me, and while it was awful at the time, it cleared out the old so I could move on with my life. I'm much happier now.

Good luck with your situation. I hope you are able to find peace.