In december several people died that I knew, people who were very dear to me, and people I just knew by name. I just began to pick up my cards again and did daily draws with my faeries oracle and two different sets of tarot. There were a few times that the death card showed up by the faeries, never in my tarot cards. The day after someone told me about the dead of for example their mother... this happened a few times and I must say I became afraid of my cards, well the death card in my faeries deck
because I knew there were a few people who are very ill and somewhere every time i held my heart tight to hear who will it be... that's scary. In the past this has happened before, the death card appeared (from the faeries) when it wasn't going very well with one of my most beloved cats Smirre, deep down I knew what it was telling me but didn't want to believe this and ran away and went out with friends, that night she died, I wasn't there for her, I couldn't cope with it, if I hadn't knew it I would have been with her, it was hard to forgive myself for that.
I don't know if it is better to know, now you have been happy with him till the moment it happened, otherwise your heart was been burdened with pain, stress and sorrow and constantly what if, will or will it not happen and when. Maybe the cards didn't tell you to protect you...
I'm so so sorry for you that you have to experience this, and gratefull that there is already very good advice for you to find in the previous posts.
Like you work a lot with cards, I work a lot with crystals, for me they feel like beloved friends and companions. When my dear cat Phooka was severely ill, we worked a lot with energy and crystals next to her treatment. When she died, for a time I also couldn't lay my faith again in my crystals, I couldn't see the meaning of it any more, I felt empty and desillusioned, the feeling that I couldn't do anything to prevent it, to help her. At the end I realised this was meant to be, I had to experience all those feelings to heal a part of my past, she was there with her story to help me to heal my past. I couln't accept this, it felt so unfair that someone who was very dear to me sacrificed herself to heal me...so painful, but it was. (She died on the same day that my sister died and still hadn't integrated all the feeling, with the dead of Phooka everything came to the surface).
I only tell you this, through this I learned that Everything is connected and has a meaning, in the most dark times it's difficult to see, but there is, and there's so much help, so much love to support you through those times. The cards have been a part of my healingproces, I wish for you you also can find healing in them. Only realise that they are the tool, you are the healing...
And I wish you all the support, kindness, help and all the love you need to get through this difficult time...
With Love,
Sara*