Declining a reading

Once a young woman asked me to tell her if she was pregnant. This was online. Maybe if it were in person I'd have handled it differently

I told her if she wants to know if she's pregnant she should go to the store and buy a pregnancy test kit, and that she should do it soon. Not ask a tarot reader.

It seemed like the responsible answer to give. However, now I wish I had been more gentle as she was probably really worried and we should have talked about that. I could have probed for another question and maybe helped her. Still, I would not do a reading to answer the original question.

Have you ever been asked a question that you just didn't want to do a reading for? For any reason?

How did you handle it? How did you feel about it later?

I have declined questions, and I have declined sitters because their energy didn't mesh with mine, and I knew it wasn't a good fit. It's always a hard call to make, and it doesn't happen often, but I think you gave that person the best advice you sensibly could have given them.

I didn't feel guilty, when I did that. My gut is my guide. I try to help wherever I can, but if it isn't the right fit, it would be like agreeing to date someone only because you felt sorry for them, or felt guilty about them. It would never work out well. Only answer honestly, and only answer what you can answer honestly, in my opinion. In the end, that is the best for all parties concerned.

And always obey your gut

ETA I guess you could have chatted with her, for free, and without cards, but that is a personal decision you need to make, and not based on cards (I agree that cards were not the tool for that question).

You could have pulled cards but when a yes or no question can already be answered in the time it takes to give the reading , of course you gave the right answer. A very reasonable one at that! Sometimes we don't need the cards. Now, after she found out? Maybe she could've used a reading. lol

Hmm. The advice you gave her seems sound and practical. Depending on her emotional maturity and mental perception at the time would decide how she received your advice. You can't tell that online. When I was 22 I had an inkling I might be pregnant. I had been taking birth control pills regularly but didn't always watch my alcohol intake - and then how that corresponded with my intimate interactions. It wasn't good "timing" for me - it was very, very bad timing.

I didn't think to contact someone who read cards or sought answers from non-traditional methods. But I didn't have a lot of money either. Knowing my experience, trying to handle college and an unchecked mental illness - I would have offered an alternate question like "how to proceed at this point" kind of thing and then before interpeting the cards I would use the practical advice as a disclaimer. Not everyone lives where there are free pregnancy tests. Some feel they have zero resources - financial or otherwise.

On the othe hand, if she just had a one-night fling and was contemplating going someplace to take a "plan B" because she knew she messed up - there would be a different disclaimer and the question I would have suggested would be regarding how she felt about being entirely responsible for another human being.

If she was 15-19ish - potential still in highschool I would suggest she tell a trusted adult (any trusted one - teacher, friend's parent, second cousin) to get her help and I would stop right there. No reading.

That's a child. And they need resources. A lot of them if they're coming to you. Where I'm at in my life right now I would probably have a list of emergency resources for people for those in need of something I definitely am not qualified to provide. Can't do specifics if you don't know location but generalities like - family planning / planned parenthood, counseling, "right to life" places, maybe even a phone # to direct her to local places for women subjected to domestic violence etc. "national numbers" that are free to call.

The thing is, you don't know. And there are some who would completely ignore said disclaimer and go solely by what you read in the cards. And then blame you for their woes.

I don't really feel comfortable answering questions about another person's (as in not the sitter) feelings or future actions. For me tarot is about clarifying one's own feelings and future actions, because that's what can be acted on. Medical diagnoses are also off the table, I'm not a doctor, although I'm happy to read on self-care and such.

As for saying no, I usually try to reroute toward a question I'm more comfortable with, but if they want what they want then I'm just not the right reader for them.

I don't read on health matters, or legal or criminal matters. The line I use is that "while I do believe the cards may have something useful to say, these are areas that require specific expertise, and so my level of knowledge in these areas is insufficient for me to interpret the cards in a helpful manner. A lawyer might see a reference to a specific statute or a doctor a reference to a specific diagnosis, I won't because I don't have the detailed knowledge of these subjects and so cannot interpret on them"

I have declined to answer that question also. And I think you were right to do so. If it was (as we all assume) a young girl, and you told her yes she was pregnant, you could cause a panic reaction that would not end well. If you said no, she may think she got off free and that is not a good reaction either. Sometimes, if she is very VERY early, you could get a false positive/negative and that could create issues as well. So ethically, declining is the right thing to do.

And you have the right to refuse to answer any questions you don't feel comfortable answering any time. If someone asks: is X person going to die? or is X in love with me? If you don't feel comfortable answering, decline.

barb

violetdaisy said:

Hmm. The advice you gave her seems sound and practical. Depending on her emotional maturity and mental perception at the time would decide how she received your advice. You can't tell that online.

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Yeah, that's was my worry later, that she needed more help and didn't know where to go for it. Unplanned/unwanted pregnancy is terrifying and can shake you to your core. I hope what I told her kind of snapped her to reality to at least find out for herself if she was. To take some control of the situation.

I just wish I had encouraged her to come back to me after she found out.

As a tarot reader, you can't really take on the weight of the world, but I think we have to face that sometimes we get drawn into people's lives in what seems like a tiny way, yet we all know how impactful, for good or for ill, even the smallest interaction can be. And a tarot reading can be a very intimate interaction.

MadeiraDarling said:

I don't read on health matters, or legal or criminal matters.

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That sounds like a very sensible line to draw.

violetdaisy said:

I would probably have a list of emergency resources for people for those in need of something I definitely am not qualified to provide. Can't do specifics if you don't know location but generalities like - family planning / planned parenthood, counseling, "right to life" places, maybe even a phone # to direct her to local places for women subjected to domestic violence etc. "national numbers" that are free to call.

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That's a very, very good idea. Encourage people to take control and give them some direction to do so.