The sitter knows best - what to do?

Torann

What do you do when you have a sitter that knows a tiny little bit of tarot, and overrules your reading?

She had (amongst other cards) 10 of swords. She completely freaked out. " oh i know this card is trouble and only trouble. It is the most horrible card of the deck."

I tend to disagree :D

and she also had the devil. "Oh that's the sex card". I couldn't get it out of her head that the devil means a whole lot more than that.

So i just stopped the reading and didn't continue. She just wouldn't listen to my story/interpretation.

Have you experienced this and how did you react?
 

Citrin

Wow, that sounds really annoying. :-/ If possible I’d try to explain to her that I don’t believe in pre-set meanings. I think that the cards’ meanings are made up at that moment, while the reading is going on, while I’m interpreting the cards according to my intuition and ability to read images. And even if you wish to study ”book meanings” you’re gonna find like 100 meanings for each card… But some people are very stubborn and refuse to accept anything you tell them.

A similar experience I’ve had was with a person who refused to listen to anything ”negative” in her reading. She kept pointing to The Sun saying ”But you said this is a positive card, so it IS all good, right right?” and refused to listen to that I said the other cards showed other parts of the story, and that The Sun wasn’t actually dealing with the area she was hoping so badly would turn out a certain way. Sigh.
 

Achlys

I don't understand people who do this.
Readings depend on the reader. Even if the seeker interprets cards one way, you as the reader have drawn the cards that will speak a message to you to give to the seeker, regardless of whether the seeker thinks the card means the same thing or not. If you're going to get a reading from someone else, you should understand that.
Luckily I've only had this happen once. I let them go off on their tangent and then explained to them what i saw in the cards. They chose to ignore it at the time but at least she apologized later when I ran into her at a craft fair. It was a learning experience for both of us.
 

Torann

I don't understand people who do this.
Readings depend on the reader. Even if the seeker interprets cards one way, you as the reader have drawn the cards that will speak a message to you to give to the seeker, regardless of whether the seeker thinks the card means the same thing or not. If you're going to get a reading from someone else, you should understand that.
Luckily I've only had this happen once. I let them go off on their tangent and then explained to them what i saw in the cards. They chose to ignore it at the time but at least she apologized later when I ran into her at a craft fair. It was a learning experience for both of us.

And the most annoying thing was, the 10 of swords was in her past. Seriously. But she just didn't shut up. :) So I stopped it.
 

Tanga

You did the right thing IMO.

I'd be sitting there thinking "Well B***** read your own cards then - what have you come to see me for?" Lol.
...Ahem - after of course, attempting more sensibly to get them to let go of "fixed" views.
:angel:
 

Jen P

This has never happened to me as of yet, and I hope it never does. What a horrible thing to have happen.

I would probably do my best to calm the person down and tell them that they are paying me for my expertise. I would try to convince them to please let me talk first and listen carefully to what I am saying, then they can contribute and we can have a civilized discussion about the reading. But they must at least listen to what I am saying and be willing to consider alternate possibilities to what they think they may know. Tell them that everyone has a different viewpoint and that you two came together for them to get a message from the Universe, delivered through you. I would try to stay as calm and collect as possible, since that might help them calm down too. If you can tell in advance that they're uptight or that there might be problems if certain "threatening-looking" cards might come up, I would try having an alternate deck with you, such as the Fountain Tarot, that might not elicit such extreme reactions from clients.

If the client was freaking out and out of control, I would ask them to do the things above, but if that tact did not work on them, then I would tell them they had several options - to calm down and continue on, to end the reading and try again at a different time (maybe try via telephone so they won't see the cards), or to end the reading and part ways as amicably as possible. Sometimes people are just wackadoodle and there's nothing you can do. You need to have confidence in your own abilities (I am not saying you don't) in the face of anyone hostile to your readings (whether it be an extreme religious person or a person like this). You need to have good boundaries and lay down your rules in advance if possible.

Maybe you can make up a written agreement/waiver that the client signs. I would specify that once the reading starts, they agree to pay you for the reading (this should be enough incentive to keep them listening and not get too out of hand). I would also specify that you reserve the right to end the reading at any time for any reason and that they will pay you commensurately for your time and effort. For instance if you had to go to their house and the reading was supposed to go on for an hour and you just laid down the cards, I would make them pay for travel time, gas, etc. That may be going too far, but I myself would stipulate it.

Just think of this as a learning experience. Next time you will be more prepared if something like this should happen. Maintain your boundaries and your "zen"-like (calm and collected) attitude as much as possible. Don't feed into the craziness, just try to maintain your calm inner core and trust in yourself that this is not about you or your ability to do a great reading, this is THEIR stuff. My trick is that I pretend to be the Dalai Lama. I say to myself without inputting any of my personal emotions or biases, and as objectively as possible: "Look at this person and their out of control emotions. Poor thing, I wonder how they got so fear-based. What can I contribute to this person as compassionately as possible so that they will benefit from it." If I would be in the middle of the reading, I might ask the person what they think is going on in the reading and why, as well as what is their personal contribution to things playing out that way and what can they do to change it. Also, would they consider xyz as an alternate way to see the cards. I think this might help empower the sitter and help bring the person into the reading as a co-creator of the reading. If they're still hostile and reactive, I would end the reading. There's only so much you can try or do.

This might be a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, but I hope it helped. Probably others will have more valuable contributions. I myself am interested in hearing what other people say. Good luck to you!
 

Torann

Well, she wasn't a paying customer but a vague friend. But agreed, i would slightly react differently when it was a paying sitter. I would be a little more patient.

It was a very neutral deck but she has one at home too... so she saw the image of her own 10 of swords card in her head.

Actually the first thing I said when i laid out the spread was: what a beautiful reading!

But that didn't help. Then she took my other deck of cards and started laying out herself. Without asking a question of course... So the cards were totally different.

Oh well, I won't read for her ever again, even if she asks it nicely. :D Many readers around, she doesn't need me.
 

Torann

This might be a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, but I hope it helped. Probably others will have more valuable contributions. I myself am interested in hearing what other people say. Good luck to you!

Nope, it wasn't mumbo-jumbo. :)
 

Falcor

That is very annoying. It looks she wasn't respecting you there, was seeing and hearing only herself.
 

gregory

I would have just stopped and said OK - you read the cards then. And said EXACTLY NOTHING from then on, no matter how much she asked.

She doesn't understand tarot, and doesn't choose to listen to someone who does - so let her do her own thing !