Collaborative Spread Creation #2 - Infidelity

rwcarter

Per this post, BeyondtheVeil would like a spread created that discusses infidelity. There's a thread here with more info.

These are the constraints for the spread:
  • it should address whether the other person is cheating
  • it should address whether the person will cheat in a given time period
  • it should be 5 cards or less

Rodney
 

rwcarter

I think there needs to be a position for the current state of the relationship. I'd like to see a position for each person in the relationship, but then that takes up all the positions. Maybe forgo the position about the current state of the relationship.

Still chewing this one over. 5 positions may be too limiting. This may be a case where a short version and a long version of the spread are needed.

Rodney
 

SilentBreeze

No one is colarborating... Well I'm free, and up for some spread creation.

This is difficult because I don't think a yes or no question could be a position, and that wouldn't be helpful.

Maybe a position for what the quarent thinks is happening, and one for what's actually happening to discern if he/she is having an affair and to what extent.

There needs to be one for the cause as well.
 

rwcarter

I agree about Y/N positions in spreads, but I'm in the camp that doesn't believe that tarot is well-suited for Y/N questions. (I know other people have no problem with Y/N questions and I say :thumbsup: to them.)

I'm getting way ahead of myself in thinking about the layout of the spread, but as I was typing this it occurred to me that we could squeeze more positions out of the spread by using a linear layout ( 1...2...3...4...5) and then looking at combinations of cards for additional info. There are four pairs (12, 23, 34 and 45), so that would give us nine pieces of info when added to the individual cards.

Rodney
 

afrosaxon

Never tried the collaborative spread route (or any spread route, for that matter! :D)), so here's a go.

1.........3

........................5

2..........4



1) Why I think my partner is cheating on me

2) Physical indicator(s) that my partner is cheating on me

3) Emotional indicator(s) that my partner is cheating on me

4) How I should cope with the possibility that my partner is cheating on me

5) Outcome of my partner possibly cheating on me


Spread comments:
--each question addresses a certain area of the querent's life (mental -- question #1; physical; question #2; emotional: question #3; spiritual: question #4)

--the spread is from the querent's point of view, since it's the querent that has the suspicion

--the phrase "cheating on me" can always be reworded to something more commonplace, user-friendly, etc.

--two cards (or a tarot and an oracle/other divination) can be used for each position.

--the arrow shape of the spread is to show how each card leads to the crux of the reading: what would happen if the infidelity were actually true? That's really more important than if the person is being unfaithful or not, IMO, and gives more empowerment to the querent rather than the infidel. :D Plus, the arrow is pointing to the right: toward the future!

Thoughts?

Just my $.02.

T.
 

rwcarter

That's why I love these collaborative exercises! afrosaxon, you took us almost all the way there in one fell swoop and "there" was a place that I just couldn't quite put my finger on! :thumbsup: afrosaxon!

I love that it's more about the Querent than about the partner. But it doesn't address cheating within a time frame, only cheating that's currently happening.

I think you've provided a great foundation that will only need a little bit of tweaking.

Rodney
 

SilentBreeze

How about these tweaks.

1) Physical indicator(s) that my partner is cheating on me

2) Emotional indicator(s) that my partner is cheating on me

3) What is actually happening?

4) How I should cope with the possibility that my partner is cheating on me

5) How will the situation change/or not change in the within the next 3 months?

I think 1 and 2 then is about the quarent and what they percieve. And add in an extra position for for what the truth is. And outcome could be future, and any time frame can be inserted.
 

rwcarter

Sorry I didn't get back to this yesterday.

I like afrosaxon's arrow shape, although I would modify it to be:

1.............
...............
......3.......
...............
.............5
...............
......4.......
...............
2.............

That looks more like an arrowhead to me whereas afrosaxon's layout looks more like what's left from the cutout of the tail end of the arrow. (That's a matter of preference though.)

I like the physical and emotional indicator positions and think they should be paired in the layout (either 12 or 34). As worded, they both kinda assume that the partner is cheating though. I think "Physical/Emotional indicator(s) that make the Querent think the partner is cheating" is better, although still not perfect. I like that wording because it throws the emphasis back onto the Querent instead of pointing fingers at the partner (who may well be cheating but may well be innocent too). Plus, if the Querent already knows their partner is cheating, this incarnation of the spread isn't going to help them a whole lot.

I also like both the why I think my partner's cheating on me and the what's actually happening positions! I think they should be paired too. So to stay within the construct of 5 positions, I'm happy to do away with the how to cope position since it's completely unnecessary if the partner isn't cheating.

I like SilentBreeze's 5th position, although I think we need some clarification on what "the situation" refers to. Is "the situation" the relationship? the Querent's belief/fear that their partner is cheating? or the partner's actions? For the sake of a 5 card spread, I'd say it should be the relationship, but in a more in-depth version, all three aspects could be looked at.

I'm going to eat my words about the pairing thing though. The pairings would play more of a role in afrosaxon's layout than in my suggested revision because hers is more square, which lends itself to other explorations than my more angular layout. So the positions could be:

1. Why the Querent thinks their partner is cheating on them
2. The physical indicator(s) that make the Querent think their partner is cheating on them
3. The emotional indicator(s) that make the Querent think their partner is cheating on them
4. What is actually happening with the partner
5. What the relationship will look like 3 months from now

I do think a more in-depth version of this spread with more cards would be a good idea.

Rodney
 

BeyondtheVeil

A twist to the original question

Okay.. if a 5 card spread isn't enough for the info needed... what number of cards do you think would work?

I also have a twist... lol .. What if the person 'cheating" or could 'cheat' doesn't see a casual sex as cheating? Cheating can mean lots of things to different people. {I personally think if you go outside a relationship for ANYTHING {emotional, physical, etc} that IS cheating. So to throw another thing into it {Sorry Rodney}.. how would we cover that? Would there then need to be a position on 'Casual encounters" or something to that nature? Would that change the entire point/questions of the spread?
 

Glass Owl

BeyondtheVeil said:
I also have a twist... lol .. What if the person 'cheating" or could 'cheat' doesn't see a casual sex as cheating? Cheating can mean lots of things to different people.
Yes, this is opening a can of worms. But I think that thinking through this is a good thing.

I believe that the issue of infidelity comes down to boundaries, and the boundaries (for good or bad) vary in every relationship and for every person.

I can't help but look at the motives for asking about infidelity in the first place. Yes, it could be that there is cheating, the person suspects it, and wants confirmation of it. But the bottom line is that regardless of whether or not the other party is/will cheat and regardless of what "cheating" constitutes, I believe that asking for a spread of this nature (at least in my mind) points to imbalance, insecurity, or a lack of trust/faith in the relationship. And whether its justified for not, those doubts/issues are poisonous to any relationship as well as a person's well being.

That said, I think this is where the Tarot can really be an incredible, self-empowering tool. It is can be used to address and work through trust/self worth/power issues like these as well as providing guidance for improving relationships (or getting out of bad ones.) I'm wondering if perhaps one spread could be created for the fact-finding aspects and another could be created for working through the lack of trust/honesty.

On a side note: An ex of mine was so possessive of me and for years he was constantly accusing me of cheating on him. It got the point that he didn't want me to wear makeup for fear that I would be too tempting for another man. I wasn't doing anything and there weren't any valid reasons for him to think that. He was just a very insecure person and wanted to control me and that's what drove me away.