Sticky Tricky Situation

ainv

Merry Meet! I need to devise a reading/spread for a particular situation. I'm not entirely sure what questions I should include. The situation was complex and complicated with many "layers".

There was a time when my husband and I were going through a rough patch. We worked things out and we're stronger together now because of it. We learned a lot about ourselves and about other people. At the time of this bump in the road, we were going to file for divorce. At that time, I dated a man. Let's call him Jean. I fell head over heels in love with Jean, however, our relationship didn't end up meeting my expectations and it didn't last long. It turned out that Jean was an abusive, indecisive, schizoaffective (that's schizophrenic + bipolar) and unstable meth head. Things deteriorated rather quickly as Jean lost touch with reality and binged on meth. He stole a lot of my intellectual property, without my consent and without giving me any credit. I severed off all contact with him. He harassed me through my job. He killed himself in August. The really creepy thing is that I've known Jean in every single life that I've ever lived. He's always been obsessed with and fixated on me. His name always starts with the letter J and his life always ends by means of suicide. After killing himself (this time), he started haunting me and possessing my husband. After a full paranormal investigation, we had hours worth of recorded EVP's of Jean. It was clearly him. It was his voice and his accent. We were successfully able to banish him from our lives. Yet, some of the feelings I have because of the abuse still linger. Sometimes, I have a hard time accepting that Jean is dead. I'll Google him. It's like, I'm expecting to find that he's posted something online, but he hasn't, not since the day before he committed suicide. To the best of my knowledge, deceased people don't text or Tweet. Both of the phone numbers for his business have been shutoff. However, I've learned a great deal about the kind of person he was. He had fathered numerous children and was a dead-beat dad. He had many aliases. He had a criminal record. His IP addresses were blacklisted all over the internet. He was married, which was news to me. Many of his associates were drug addicted prostitutes. He believed that he was a time traveller. Yet, still, I'm having a hard time accepting that he's gone. The abuse, it really messed with my head. I'm a very happy person and I still am, but I've been feeling vulnerable due to the abuse and Jean's suicide. It's like, I want him to be alive so that he'll tell me the truth so that I'll have closure.

It's been taking me a while to heal from the abuse and Jean's suicide, especially because I've not had closure. I feel slightly disillusioned and resentful. I want this reading to help me find closure. I want to completely let go and move on, but I feel like karma is keeping me "tied" to Jean. I'm not entirely sure what questions to ask nor what to focus on. I have many ideas, though. Should the focus be on me and my feelings... Why the abuse effected me and how to heal... Jean's character... Why I'm having a hard time letting go/moving on and what actions to take... All of the above? Does anyone have any ideas?

Here are some possible questions that I can think of:

What was the lesson that I was meant to learn?
What were my unconscious desires?
What were J's unconscious desires?
What was hidden?
What was J hiding from me?
What were my greatest hopes and fears?
What were J's greatest hopes and fears?
Was I being indecisive?
Was J being indecisive?
Why was J abusing me?
How did I see J? Was my view realistic?
How did J see me? Was his view realistic?
What were my motives?
What were J's motives?
Did J have ulterior motives? What were they?
What were the consequences?
How did I feel about J?
How did J feel about me?
What should I avoid?
What were the negative influences?
Why was I disappointed?
What were the underlying influences?
What needs to be clarified?
What should I look out for?
How can I move on?
How can I let go?
What actions need to be taken?
What needs to be left in the past?
What should I take from the past?
What was at the heart of the situation?
What was the challenge?
What karmic/past-life lessons need to be applied here?
What didn't I see before? What was I missing?
What became apparent with hind-sight?
What were the unseen truths?
What unseen elements was I blind to?
What did I desire, yet not express?
What did J desire, yet not express?
Did my desires express themselves unhealthily?
Did J's desires express themselves unhealthily?
How could I have expressed my desires in ways that were healthy?
How could J have expressed his desires in ways that were healthy?
Why did J commit suicide?
Did J find peace in the end?
Why did J haunt me and possess my husband?
What was J attempting to achieve by all of this?
Why has J been fixated on and obsessed with me?
Why did J steal my intellectual property?
Should I sever off all karmic ties to J?
Was I right to leave J and sever off all contact with him?

That's all for now.
Thank you. I appreciate any and all ideas. I also appreciate tactful honesty.
 

ainv

Ulterior Motives + Jealousy = Recipe For Disaster

I went through all of these possible questions with my cards. I noticed a theme with many of the outcomes. I will continue building this spread as a hybrid between are there ulterior motives and are there issues with jealousy/fear of rejection in a relationship. To be named at a later date.

The questions I asked relating to myself showed that I was in love with Jean and I liked the idea of the prestige of being with with him since I'm a status seeker. Yet, I ignored the red flags. Jean didn't really love me. He loved how I made him feel about himself. Also, he was unstable and not capable of a relationship of any kind. Apart from that, his main interest was in abusing me so that he could undermine my self-esteem and then take advantage of me by having me devise ideas for him to use for his business. Ultimately, Jean killed himself because he believed that being with me was vital to his self-esteem. I made him feel good about himself. Without me, he saw no reason to live. However, he was very jealous of me. At the same time (due to the schizophrenia) he was paranoid and suspicious. He believed that everything that I said was dishonest and that I was cheating on him, even with no proof, because the voices in his head told him so. He was crippled by a fear of rejection. This all made him become abusive, clingy, controlling, demanding, disrespectful, impatient, manipulative, needy, selfish, smothering and suffocating. He questioned me about everything. He always needed to know where I was, who I was with and what I was doing at all times. He literally interrogated me over trivial things like, "Why do you have baby spinach in your fridge?" He was so crippled by many of his issues that he was incapable of making decisions on his own, even for trivial things.

I'll work on the questions and layout tomorrow.
 

donnalee

I am not sure to what degree you are asking for advice, although you did mention not knowing what questions to focus on, but my free two cents's worth is that, to me, in ANY situation, I would focus on 'what do I need to learn from this?' and 'what do I need to do and know to let it heal for the best outcome?', and 'how do I let go of this for the best outcome?'. I might also say something like 'what are the hidden gifts of this situation?' and 'what do I have to do to get them?' I personally would stay out of the excessive why oh why did he obsess over spinach in this lifetime etc., since to me, the *form* that the craziness took is not as important as what to learn from it, how to heal it, and how to let it go. Just my opinion. I hope you find what works for you and are able to move on from what sounds like a really stressful and shocking situation. If you were not looking for advice, please forgive me for butting in, but I thought you were looking for suggestions. Good luck with it.
 

Spiderwoman

Hi

Hello
It sounds like you have already done a lot of work surrounding this issue. May I ask how you know you have known this guy in other lifetimes? Have you had past life regression? I believe there is something that is between lives regression, which from my understanding helps to realise what your soul path is and what lessons you need to learn.
I agree that the questions to ask should be focused on you such as what have you learnt, gained, lost from this relationship and maybe "why is it so important that you pursue this issue, rather than add fuel to the fire, so to speak, by keep picking at it.
Please let us know how you get on. A fascinating subject - thanks for posting.
 

Scotia

Hello ainv,

Your list of possible questions and issues seems to be pretty exhaustive and I get the feeling that any answers you work towards could serve to spawn more questions. In other words, this could go on for some time without really achieving the closure you need.

You did say you welcomed any and all suggestions so here goes - I think that the cards may not be the best way for you to explore this further, nor to reach the level of understanding you want.

This appears, to me, to be a typically 'Plutonian' contact. Pluto contacts between individuals are typically indicative of *long standing* relationships (i.e. more than one or two or even three lifetimes). The obsessive nature of the relationship and your (and his) inability to cope with transforming the way you relate to each other seem to point to this. I won't go on about this as I really just wanted to introduce the idea and see if you thought this might help. If you have sufficient information for both of your birth charts it's certainly something you could look into. You don't need accurate birth times to explore this - contacts (aspects) from Pluto to personal planets on the other chart can be picked up. Obviously its more accurate and useful the more data you have but maybe worth a try?

Best of luck
 

Ruby Jewel

Question isn't necessary

Why don't you go to another reader for the reading? Don't ask a question. Don't tell her the story. Don't do anything to influence the message you will get. If you allow the cards to speak to you, they will. It is about the energy that surrounds this situation, which is broader than any question you could come up with. Not only is the question limiting, but it is controlling. It is the energies at play here that you need to understand.

When the reading is done and you have the answer, you need to let go. Light a candle and tell Jean to leave and never return.
 

Ruby Jewel

Spirit Guide

I was just looking at the "Tarot Spreads" on this forum, and there is an awesome 5-card spread on there by Miss Apples on contacting your Spirit Guide. I thought about you and the fact that you have a Spirit Guide who might be able to help you here.....you might begin with that instead of getting in contact with the "dark forces".