Your take on reading for a third person : ethical or not ?

Metafizzypop said:

I find it interesting that people here are discussing whether or not it is intrusive to ask the tarot how their child is doing at school. I find it amusing considering the things that parents have been know to do to check up on their kids. Parents will go through a kid's cell phone, computer, closet, and books. They look in the kid's pockets, in dresser drawers, under the bed, and under the rug. Not that all parents are so obsessed with this, but I've heard of it happening. There's parents who believe their children have no right to privacy at all. Just because. By comparison, doing a tarot reading seems pretty mild.

And you know what? Girlfriends and boyfriends go through each other's stuff, too. Not that I personally have done it, but I've heard of it happening. And I don't hear much talk about the ethics of any of these intrusions.

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This.

I wouldn't ask tarot about my child at school, or at least I haven't yet... because they are 6 years old and 5 years old. I wouldn't trust tarot to outline any issues I might have. I ask them what is going on at school. If there seemed to be something wrong, I'd ask their friends and/or teacher too. They have tablets and I check them every day, they are not allowed to download anything onto them but I still check. I will do this for a long time. Not to infringe on their privacy, but to ensure their security. When they get older I probably will check pockets and their bedrooms too.

And there you have it ! Two opposite viewpoints on that too. We are all individuals (all together now "we are ALL individuals" )

But I think one reason our daughters did usually talk to us was that we didn't snoop. In my view, children have a right to privacy too. If we parents violate that, even "to keep them safe" they do become secretive. My mother did. Which was why I at least used to talk to a friend's mother and teacher rather than to her.

I can see keeping an eye on their tablets - openly, as a rule involved in being allowed to have one at all - as there is real danger to children on line.

gregory said:

So what is the POINT of reading for an absent unknowing person ? I prefer to use tarot as something useful. YES I can sort of see the "value" in predictive readings about "will Winona Ryder get the role she is up for", "will so and so get an Oscar" - to test your own predictive reading abilities. But other than that - what FOR ? I have limited time in my life, and checking up on whether the local schoolteacher really does have a mistress on the side - I have better things to do.

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The point for me is that there usually is no point other than the sitter seeking some kind of "feel-good" validation about a hoped-for liaison or reconciliation with "X." I agree it's a huge waste of my time, and I stay well away from those kinds of readings if I sense that's what they're after. But if the questions is simply about harm being done to an unknowing "victim", I don't think tarot probing by itself causes any (unless it's written down as malicious snooping in the Akashic Record); it's the querent doing something potentially unwise with it that bothers me. Beyond that, it seems like a "victimless crime."

For me, it depends on what my intuition/perception is telling me.

I don't do professional/paid readings, but sometimes I give free readings to strangers on the internet, and in person, I only give readings to people I know.

So when it comes to live readings it's not that much of a problem because I can explain more, I can adapt the reading to their vision.. But when it comes to strangers, it's harder, and if I get the feeling the person is taking the reading way to seriously and it's going to affect how they act a lot... I will not give further readings about third persons..

I don't see any ethical/morality problems beside the fact that my reading may affect intensly what people do or say. And I don't want to feel/be responsible for that, I guess.
BUT
if you read only to the person directly and don't include other people, they might still change their behaviour/actions due to your reading. So, I don't think reading for 3rd parties is worse than just reading directly.. if that makes sense.

gregory said:

I would never have envisaged a scenario like that. I would never think you could actually pick up that level of detail - I don't think tarot is that kind of tool. But why do I say "intrusive" - because I know my daughter. I KNOW she would have been outraged and regarded it as a gross invasion of her privacy. That is a part of why I feel as I do, I think - I'd feel rather the same.

What could I do with any information I might gain without asking her anyway ? Better - for me - to ask what I can best do for her.


I DON'T actually think tarot picks up that accurately. Which is another reason I don't do third party readings - you have no-one to work WITH, and WITH is a big part of it. I have never called it spying. Well, if I have, I must have been really cross... I have mentioned it as feeling - to me - as intrusive as having my diary read.

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What happened to your opinion of tarot not being capable of providing such fine detail? Reading a diary is going to give you so much detail, and loads of deeply held thoughts/feelings. When a person crosses that particular line, they are doing so knowing that what they will find is going to be the most personal and private as well as specific information about the diary's owner. There is no tarot reading in the world that's going to lay out that kind of information, so to imply that any of us who'd do a third party reading are on the same level as someone who'd read someone else's personal diary is offensive, as well as another hyperbolic comparison.

Onaorkal said:

I don't know if the comparison stands well but for people who actually trust their reading skills, reading about their children to have an idea of how well their lives are going is pretty similar to sneeking into their private journal or text messages.
I know I know it's a bit exaggerated...but still.

I know how it's like to be a teenager and how communication is not always easy but I still find the 'ethical line' ambiguous.

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I've been reading for over 20 years, I do trust my reading ability. I'd still never compare it to reading a diary, journal, text messages etc etc. it's not just a bit of an exaggeration, it's a huge one.

The kid in question is now 23, but my sort of hypothetical example was about his young childhood years, long before the private, non-communicative teen years. An Asperger's spectrum kid, far too intelligent for his age group, but far too socially lacking. Bad days at school, at the hands of his peers, were the norm. When he didn't express what was going on sometimes, it was due to shutting down, not from keeping it private from his parents. I'm sure I did pull cards some days while he was in school, asking how is today going, mainly to avoid the shattered feeling I'd get when picking him up at the end of the day, when a teacher or other staff, would inform me of some horrible outburst. Both of my kids have their own computers, as well as smartphones. We have never checked up on them, it's a line I don't wish to cross, but I do understand how some parents feel about the potential dangers out there.

I've known loads of card readers on line and in real life, I've still never met anyone who could read in such a way that it could be compared to reading a diary or text messages/emails. The most amazing reader I've ever met, my first teacher, owned her own art gallery and did redaings there. She was also clairsentient, which can be a bit off putting, yet she wasn't able to read in such detail as to equate it with reading a diary etc.

As far as reading on a famous person, whether they'll win an oscar or whatever, it's a great way to practice your readings skills. Do the reading, make a prediction, and soon enough you'll get your feedback. Not terribly time consuming for those with busy lives.

prudence said:

As far as reading on a famous person, whether they'll win an oscar or whatever, it's a great way to practice your readings skills. Do the reading, make a prediction, and soon enough you'll get your feedback. Not terribly time consuming for those with busy lives.

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All I will say here is that predicting national elections correctly doesn't make you very popular

prudence said:

What happened to your opinion of tarot not being capable of providing such fine detail? Reading a diary is going to give you so much detail, and loads of deeply held thoughts/feelings. When a person crosses that particular line, they are doing so knowing that what they will find is going to be the most personal and private as well as specific information about the diary's owner. There is no tarot reading in the world that's going to lay out that kind of information, so to imply that any of us who'd do a third party reading are on the same level as someone who'd read someone else's personal diary is offensive, as well as another hyperbolic comparison.

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I never said that they were. Only that it feels creepy and intrusive to me in the same kind of way, to me, and I wouldn't do it.

As to your child in school - mine was suicidal and ended up on a locked ward. I still wouldn't have read on her. Nor would I on my autistic granddaughter. Who is, by the way, obsessive about her personal privacy - no-one is even allowed to pick up a piece of paper in her room because it's so private. But if you found it helpful to read on your son - that's fine for you. I have also said VERY often that every reader has their own ethics and that I respect that. But also that I really do not believe that one gets reliable results on someone who isn't involved. In the case of predictive readings like oscars etc - that isn't an issue. On feelings - it is. Other readers manage to get results that way. Fine for them.

prudence said:

As far as reading on a famous person, whether they'll win an oscar or whatever, it's a great way to practice your readings skills. Do the reading, make a prediction, and soon enough you'll get your feedback. Not terribly time consuming for those with busy lives.

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And fair enough. As I'm not really into predictive, they wouldn't interest me that much, even for practice.

@gregory, I understand, I can be hyper vigilant about certain things myself, though usually to do with safety (life/death) issues, Tarot ethics just doesn't register on that level for me.

@Barleywine, yeah, sometimes folks do want to shoot the messenger. Probably about the same for correctly predicting the Super Bowl, at least in some circles.

prudence said:

@gregory, I understand, I can be hyper vigilant about certain things myself, though usually to do with safety (life/death) issues, Tarot ethics just doesn't register on that level for me.

@Barleywine, yeah, sometimes folks do want to shoot the messenger. Probably about the same for correctly predicting the Super Bowl, at least in some circles.

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Yeah, I got that one too, even predicted the tie and the overtime, although I had it 26-26 instead of 28-28. But I'll take it!

Barleywine said:

Yeah, I got that one too, even predicted the tie and the overtime, although I had it 26-26 instead of 28-28. But I'll take it!

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Nice!! Also super impressive, I must say. Predictive readings, whether on third parties or whatever, are where I find the most fun in tarot.