I bought this book a little while ago and put it off for a while but started rereading it after reading the posts here.
I'll also give the abbreviated version of my star of discovery since it is painful.
(I used the Nigel Jackson deck)
1. Denial- Hanged Man
2. Anxiety- Chariot
3. Inferiority- Justice
4. Anger- The Popess (High Priestess)
5. Secrecy- Judgement
6. Self Loathing- The Hermit
1. Denial - Hanged Man
I have problems with letting things happen to me, inability to let myself be vulnerable and most times I give too much of myself when people ask favors of me. I can't say no to anyone and resent the audacity of the person asking the favor. I can't imagine myself asking the favors they ask of me. I hate letting someone having control of circumstances that affect me. I can't deal with someone controlling my life or telling me what I need to do. This appalls and infuriates me to no end. (I'm not talking about a boss telling me what to do.... I'm talking about a peer or someone telling me what I *need* to do.. Like take certain classes, be more like them.. etc.. )
2. Anxiety- Chariot
I get anxious when I have to assert myself. I am about the most unconfrontational person on the planet. When I receive any type of accolades, I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm more apt to give in, if I find the obstacle too challenging of my character. I'm really a weak person even though I have a stubborn streak. I always worry, like even when someone is unknowingly annoying me and I'm afraid to confront them for fear of how psychotic/paranoid/delusional/neurotic I will appear.
3. Inferiority- Justice
I always feel incredibly guilty for anything I do. I'm always worried that I might disturb or upset someone. In fact many people snap at me, telling me to stop saying sorry. Or to tell me that I'm annoying by asking if I annoy them. I never have balance in the scales, I'm either compulsive at times or not at all.
Doing things in spurts rather than a little each day.
4. Anger- The Popess (High Priestess)
I'm angry when I see others as able to have a spiritual connectiveness with anything. I'm jealous and become bitter, rationalizing out that spirituality is just nonsense anyway, and try to convince myself that there is no concrete scientific data for it, so why should I want to have it. But I do.
5. Secrecy- Judgement
Even though I dislike myself and have severe self conscious issues, I feel like other people's inner critics should be just as harsh the way mine is to me. Or I wish I could be free from it, like they are. I hold grudges and I can't forgive myself. I like to romanticize things that really shouldn't be romanticized.
6. Self Loathing- The Hermit
I am so ashamed of myself that I draw inwards like the hermit. I'm always at home. I find it extremely hard for me to go anywhere. I hate that I can't break out of my Hermitland and make friends etc. I feel that most people I see will be mean to me somehow or just not understand me.
Ah well after all that negativity, I can't wait for my star of recovery!!!!