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Dara  Dara is offline
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Unhappy Skeptics Partners or other loved ones


I have a partner that is very closed minded to many things and I have accepted that about most things. In fact we align very differently politically and what not, which I knew about from the beginning of our relationship.

However when I got into tarot recently, his reaction to it was a bit disheartening. He is a total non-believer, thinks its a waste of my time, and even may be evil. I tried to talk to him about it, telling him that I don't use it to tell the future and only use it to gain insight about the current state of affairs in peoples lives so that we can reflect and guide ourselves. He's still is very skeptically. He hasn't interfered with me learning tarot or anything. He lets me do it because it makes me happy. But I still feel uneasy that he may be judging me.

Has anyone else dealt with skeptic loved ones... family members, close friends, or partners?

I don't think this is an issue that will break us up or anything, but I do want to know how people go about addressing this or if they have advice about this matter.

Thanks y'all.
Top   #1
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Apollonia  Apollonia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dara View Post
I have a partner that is very closed minded to many things and I have accepted that about most things. In fact we align very differently politically and what not, which I knew about from the beginning of our relationship.

However when I got into tarot recently, his reaction to it was a bit disheartening. He is a total non-believer, thinks its a waste of my time, and even may be evil. I tried to talk to him about it, telling him that I don't use it to tell the future and only use it to gain insight about the current state of affairs in peoples lives so that we can reflect and guide ourselves. He's still is very skeptically. He hasn't interfered with me learning tarot or anything. He lets me do it because it makes me happy. But I still feel uneasy that he may be judging me.

Has anyone else dealt with skeptic loved ones... family members, close friends, or partners?

I don't think this is an issue that will break us up or anything, but I do want to know how people go about addressing this or if they have advice about this matter.

Thanks y'all.
Yeah, it's a bummer but I have close friends and family members with whom I never ever discuss the Tarot or other metaphysical pursuits--which makes conversations a bit stilted, since that's what I do for a living. One of my oldest friends basically doesn't want to even hear one word about it, and my brother in law basically shut me out of his life when I started reading for people.

My experience has been that my loved ones who are closed minded about this are not willing to open enough to even consider that the Tarot might not be evil, let alone helpful, so I just don't discuss it with them at all. It's too bad, because it has put up a wall between us, but that is their choice, not mine. They would prefer it if I didn't do this at all, let alone for a living, but it's too important to me to let them control something as benign as reading the cards, just because they fear it.
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Kees  Kees is offline
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This kind of thing can be pretty hard. I grew up in a Christian household and know that my parents would be very shocked and upset if they knew I was interested in tarot (and same thing for my partner's parents). I am just cheerfully keeping it to myself except in spaces where I think it may be accepted, but I worry it's going to come out sooner or later, especially now that I'm working on building a deck. I'm not sure how I will navigate that conversation.

I don't think my partner puts a lot of stock into tarot, but I'm lucky that they aren't antagonistic about it and are willing to let me bounce deck ideas off of them quite cheerfully.

I don't really know what I'd do in your situation. It's likely that he has a lot of preconceived notions about tarot and what it represents, so you might be able to dispel those things, but I'd probably wait for him to come to you with curiosity or interest rather than try to "convert" him on your own time. If he antagonizes you or belittles you for doing it, especially calling it evil, you might want to bring up how disrespectful that is of him to completely dismiss something you're interested in and write it off--he doesn't have to like it and join in with you, per se, but he needs to respect that it's something you're interested in and want to do. I feel like romantic partners should strive to reach an understanding with one another even if your tastes/opinions are different.

Hopefully he'll come around with time. Good luck.
Top   #3
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Well, I live in a country where basically everyone is atheist... So you can imagine. My friends and my boyfriend don't mind me working with the tarot at all, but at times when I've felt like I might be ready to go professional and start getting paid for readings that has actually held me back. I know that my friends would be shocked and think I was trying to trick people and make money from being a con artist/scammer, and I'd feel really hurt having them believe that... So I'm just sticking with using the cards for myself and for people online for free, to be less judged.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do you feel comfortable really talking this through? I mean, as long as he doesn't mind you doing your thing it's all good even though he doesn't believe in it. But him believing tarot cards are evil, I can see how that makes you uncomfortable! Maybe you could take another round talking about that? Explain to him how a deck of cards can never be evil! It's all about what you do with your tool! It's like a knife, sure you can kill someone with it, but most of us don't therefor knives are hardly something you should feel scared of finding at anyone's house. Maybe give examples of how the cards have helped you at times, making you pick better choices?

Good luck! I know how it is, me and my boyfriend are basically each others opposites when it comes to politics lol But it keeps things interesting and fiery...
Top   #4
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Zephyros  Zephyros is offline
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Sometimes fences actually do make for good neighbors. Skeptics' views, while you may not agree with them, are still just as valid as your own. On a great number of things people can reach common ground, with both acceding to the other point of view. For example, you might try to understand his point of view and its merits, since you respect his opinions and mind.

Very often, though, people can't reach common ground because they just can't. In those cases, you don't really need to share or even include them, as different people have different views and that's that. He probably has interests, hobbies or habits that you may not see any point in, but they make him happy and you respect that. He doesn't have to like Tarot or even respect it. In fact he is "allowed" to think it utter nonsense, as long as he respects you and your interest in it.

I think the important thing is not to fall to labeling. You said, for example, that he was closed-minded, while he probably doesn't think that about himself. Conversely, if you think of yourself as open-minded, try seeing his point of view. Communication is the most important thing, beyond any disagreement about any specific thing.
Top   #5
earthair  earthair is offline
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When I started reading, my mum (devout Christian) was borderline horrified at the imagined prospect of having a daughter who dabbled in the occult, sacrificed goats and did black magic... so I explained to her...playing cards have been around a long time and she wasn't afraid of those was she? Tea leaves are used for divination and she still drinks tea! Then I started showing her how lovely all the artwork is...it's just a bunch of pretty pictures on cardboard...have a look at this gorgeous picture...ooo have a look at these cute cats and dogs and unicorns and other soft and fluffy tarot decks...and this hierophant looks just like your bishop, it's all based on very Christian themes of love, life, death, redemption and spiritual guidance...

People worry and fear stuff they don't understand. Ease them in gently. Do NOT lend them your copy of Book of Thoth yet
Top   #6
EmpressArwen  EmpressArwen is offline
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Well, my husband thinks that for some readers its bs (either are lying intentionally to the sitter or they believe their own bs) and for others it is real but evil (as in info comes from evil sources...even if it seems positive and filled with love and light).

There were times that he tried to be supportive but as the years progress, he's getting less and less tolerant with it.

So don't go in thinking your SO is going to change on this issue and come around to your way of thinking...he may get MORE intolerant as time goes by.
Top   #7
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Alta  Alta is offline
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That is difficult. I was married to a man like that for 24 years and to me the issue comes down to mutual respect. I do not think that anyone has to agree with their partners (legal) activities but contempt is a relationship killer. Well, maybe he doesn't treat your interest with contempt, maybe I am projecting but at the very least I would expect benign neglect for any interest of mine.

Clearly you wish to maintain the relationship so be aware that a decision point may be forced.
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gregory  gregory is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alta View Post
That is difficult. I was married to a man like that for 24 years and to me the issue comes down to mutual respect. I do not think that anyone has to agree with their partners (legal) activities but contempt is a relationship killer.
This exactly. There's another thread like this not so long ago - where the guy wasn't exactly contemptuous,. but laughed and asked for readings about silly things.

If there is no respect in a relationship - there is no real relationship, IMNVHO. Now if he is actually, genuinely, afraid - that is a bit harder to handle. He doesn't in fact SOUND disrespectful, if he doesn't try to stop you or belittle you. THis may just be an area that you have to keep for yourself. My SO isn't disrespectful or belittling or anything and he shows an interest in the APPEARANCE of cards and likes to look at decks - but it is very much not his thing, and he never wants to be read for. Someone read for him once, right in front of him, after he had said no. THAT is TOTAL disrespect. From a tarotista towards a non-tarot person - I was appalled. But it can cut both ways, that's all.

There are a lot of people here who feel our SOs SHOULD be into it just because we are. No. That's as prejudiced as truly offensive tarot sceptics are.
Top   #9
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Disa  Disa is offline
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Well, the DH is very accepting of it and I'm very glad of that. I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to share living space with a person who wasn't. Our home is our refuge, a place where we are supposed to be completely comfortable doing what we do without judgement or hostility. Now, that isn't to say he's into the cards at all. He will look at decks occasionally and even give his idea of what a card means if I stick it in front of his face and say what does this meant to you? He does not want me read for him. I agree with those who say it is totally about mutual respect. He doesn't create a barrier between us and Tarot and I don't push him to like or care about it. He's into video games and remote control cars and stuff, I'm not. Honestly, he's better at paying attn to my cards than I am to his games, etc.

To my surprise most friends and family members have reacted favorably and have received readings(some wanted too much). Another family member flat out said, "I don't want a reading because I don't want to know what's going to happen" I respect that, even though I wasn't really offering to tell his future

As for the word "dabbling". I despise that word. A former friend who I no longer speak to simply because she was disrespectful and rude about Tarot said people who are interested in cards often "dabble" in the dark side. I decide to tell her I don't dabble I'm full on in it!!! Long history there between us and I guess I was just shocked that she couldn't show me the same respect I had shown her throughout our teenage years and adulthood when she did many, many things a lot more morally irresponsible than reading cards. (and she's Baptist so she theoretically had better morals than I did all those years)

Anyway, I must say most of my experiences have turned out okay-but that one encounter with my friend made me really afraid to bring it up with other people.

I'm concerned that you said he "lets" you do tarot because it makes you happy. As though he could at some point not "let" you? If he isn't protesting, putting up an argument, making ultimatums, and you can do tarot in peace because a degree of respect is there, let it go and be grateful. As far as you worrying about him judging you, that's your issue not his. You do your thing and let him do his. If he's secretly judging but putting up with it that's for him to deal with. It may be a case of agree to disagree and move on. Oh yeah, I do agree that contempt is a relationship killer. I guess you need to figure out exactly where the lines are to make the best decisions for you.

Best of luck to you
Top   #10




 


 


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