Asking "What's their feelings" vs. "Do they love me?"

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong section - feel free to move it and I apologise for the hassle.

Long story short: I'm basically looking at how different wording of the two questions shown different outcomes - Swords for feelings, but majors and court cards for asking the second question. I wonder whether I'm biased here.

So, I would ask for someone's feelings and I would get Swords cards - the King, the Queen, the Ace or the Page. Sometimes the 8,9 or 10 of Wands - this would be in longer intervals, I try not to ask the same question in the same day. These are the recurring cards and it goes on for weeks. I interpret the Wands as quite turbulent cards. 8 of Wands esepcially came up at the beginning, maybe our connection was a new exciting thing back then. The 9 and 10 of Wands I see as more concerning. 10 is definitely a burden - maybe the feelings we excessive? 9 could be about new beginnings too, but also about moving further from them. Wands could also indicate that the feelings are overwhelming. Kong of Swords is very blunt and the Queen of Swords has been hurt before. Again J get a sense of opresses emotions and a head over heart attitude. Person not wanting to admit their feelings or simply being afraid to do so. Ace of Swords is communication, so maybe a desire to get to know each other better before making a decision. Swords are also cold, so again I don't get sense of feelings, but maybe a bland connection or perhaps lust?

I was dissapointed feeling like this person doesn't like me at all. One day I asked whether he loves me because that was my feeling, that there was a connection. I would get the Queen of Wands or Cups and the Star recurring, sometimes the World card or the High Priestess. The Queen of Wands is an energetic personality and the Queen of Cups is a nurturer, so there's definitely a very admiring kind of feelings for somebody. However, could these feelings be more family-like, so maybe regarded as feelings for a sister/mother? World is obviously positive too. The High Priestess is admired, but often platonic, so I don't necessarily sense romance, though some kind of feelings exist there. Undefined or undecided ones perhaps.


What puzzled me that the second question gave me mostly majors and the 2 Queens which look much more positive and loving. While not all necessarily show love, I see these are much more powerful.


Could this indicate that this person doesn't want to express their feelings (so the feelings show as quite cold, so we see the Swords cards, while the reality is much more romantic and when I ask directly, their true feelings show because it's not showing their worries, for example?)

I'm afraid that the good cards just mirror my wishes and that I'm biased.



Any thoughts appreciated Thank you!

If receiving disappointingly Swordsy 'Feelings' led you to repeated readings, Yes/No rephrasings (which Tarot's not great at), and eventually more "encouraging" cards, you're right to be suspicious. People can at times influence which cards appear by the strength of their desire alone, while slanting others and exaggerating the importance of any that seem to "agree"; this is why it's often very tricky to read for ourselves. Also, the more often readings on the same topic are done, the more likely it is that misleading/invalid cards will start to appear (which is partly why repeated readings on the same topic aren't recommended). Your gut may not have liked those Swords, but it probably still knew that they were accurate.

Moderator note

Hi Stu123,

I'm sure you know that we ask you to interpret each card before asking others to join in and help and that Your Readings is for complete readings.

Please write out each reading that you're discussing in full - all of the cards, positional meanings and your take on each card.

If these are less than half of the cards from larger readings let me know and I'll move the thread to Using Tarot Cards once you've added your thoughts on each card.

I've hidden one reply and will put it back when you've finished.

Could everyone else please wait?

Sulis - moderator

Sulis said:

Hi Stu123,

I'm sure you know that we ask you to interpret each card before asking others to join in and help and that Your Readings is for complete readings.

Please write out each reading that you're discussing in full - all of the cards, positional meanings and your take on each card.

If these are less than half of the cards from larger readings let me know and I'll move the thread to Using Tarot Cards once you've added your thoughts on each card.

I've hidden one reply and will put it back when you've finished.

Could everyone else please wait?

Sulis - moderator

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Hi Sulis, sorry about that, it's edited now - I've really just didn't think properly when I was posting, long day. Apologies and happy nee year!

So these aren't complete readings?

Sulis said:

So these aren't complete readings?

Click to expand...

No. My question was rather about the different general putcomes when I ask questions differently, it was more about the overall impressions, since the different frasings of the questions gave out different outcome patterns. Not sure if that makes sense. I've inly mentioned the cards to illustrate how different the vibes seemed to be after asking the 2 different questions which are actually very similar.

I'm sorry if this is oo complicated or doesn't belong here. Feel free to delete the post. Sorry about this :/

IndigoWaves said:

If receiving disappointingly Swordsy 'Feelings' led you to repeated readings, Yes/No rephrasings (which Tarot's not great at), and eventually more "encouraging" cards, you're right to be suspicious. People can at times influence which cards appear in readings by the strength of their desires, alone, while also exaggerating the importance or slant of any that seem to "agree"; this is why it's often very tricky to read for ourselves. Also, the more often a reading on the same topic are done, the more likely it is that "meaningless"/inaccurate cards will start to appear (which is partly why repeated readings on the same topic aren't recommended). While your gut may not have liked those Swords, it probably still knew that they were accurate.

Click to expand...

Thank you for your input IndigoWaves!

This is exactly what worries me. While my gutt tells me the feelings perhaps aren't romantic, there is still a very strong connection between us and I want to be sure before making a move or stepping back.

Stu123 said:

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong section - feel free to move it and I apologise for the hassle.

Long story short: I'm basically looking at how different wording of the two questions shown different outcomes.

I'm afraid that the good cards just mirror my wishes and that I'm biased.

Any thoughts appreciated Thank you!

Click to expand...

Just focusing on the question of wording, and leaving out commentary on the cards' specifics, I would add just a thought too.

"Do they love me?" is inserting a desired result. It's "leading the witness." It is a question meant to skew the outcome towards a desired (i.e. Biased) result.

"How do they feel about me?" (Or as I would word it, what are their true feelings about me?) leaves the outcome open ended and does not try to manipulate the answer by wording it towards a desired outcome.

An AT member long ago once said, "The closer you are to a desired outcome, the less likely you are to understand what's truly being expressed in a reading." (I'm paraphrasing, it was years ago that zorya said that).

A fancy way of pointing out our very human tendency towards bias when reading on issues we have an emotional stake in.

I lived 10 years expecting an outcome of a rune reading to manifest in a predicted time frame, but only when it *didn't* happen did I have the emotional clarity to see alternative meanings that could've been closer to the truth of the reading itself, long past. My bias was impossible to set aside, and I missed the truth of the reading as a result.

Alissa said:

"Do they love me?" is inserting a desired result. It's "leading the witness." It is a question meant to skew the outcome towards a desired (i.e. Biased) result.

"How do they feel about me?" (Or as I would word it, what are their true feelings about me?) leaves the outcome open ended and does not try to manipulate the answer by wording it towards a desired outcome.... I lived 10 years expecting an outcome of a rune reading to manifest in a predicted time frame, but only when it *didn't* happen did I have the emotional clarity to see alternative meanings that could've been closer to the truth of the reading itself, long past. My bias was impossible to set aside, and I missed the truth of the reading as a result.

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Wonderfully explained, Alissa! I'm going to add this one to my notes--and likely quote it often as bias is the bane of readers reading for themselves. This point can't be made often enough, I think.

Alissa said:

Just focusing on the question of wording, and leaving out commentary on the cards' specifics, I would add just a thought too.

"Do they love me?" is inserting a desired result. It's "leading the witness." It is a question meant to skew the outcome towards a desired (i.e. Biased) result.

"How do they feel about me?" (Or as I would word it, what are their true feelings about me?) leaves the outcome open ended and does not try to manipulate the answer by wording it towards a desired outcome.

An AT member long ago once said, "The closer you are to a desired outcome, the less likely you are to understand what's truly being expressed in a reading." (I'm paraphrasing, it was years ago that zorya said that).

A fancy way of pointing out our very human tendency towards bias when reading on issues we have an emotional stake in.

I lived 10 years expecting an outcome of a rune reading to manifest in a predicted time frame, but only when it *didn't* happen did I have the emotional clarity to see alternative meanings that could've been closer to the truth of the reading itself, long past. My bias was impossible to set aside, and I missed the truth of the reading as a result.

Click to expand...

This is such a great insight Alissa! Thank you

Does that mean that focusing on the open-ended questions let's you to not only see the reality, but also the realities behind it. I'll keep that in mind - as I said, I'm definitely aware and afraid of the bias in my reading as mentioned.