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I am going to check these books out as well. Thanks for the recommendations. Something about those narcissistic people and not seeing them for what they really are until you've got distance between you. It's because you get wrapped up I their ridiculousness. I think many times these people are also, in reality, very self conscious with low self esteem and are able to make others around them feel small. You don't realize it until you walk away feeling like trash but what you need to realize is it wasn't you it was them. I had an ex like this. I was in an amazing place in life surrounded by awesome people however whenever I was with his he had this almost Jedi mind trick way of making me feel like a loser when everyone else was telling applauding my success. Poisonous indeed!
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Yes, I agree with you that narcissistic people are generally self conscious and have low self esteem. But, they have some sort of power to be able to fake it all rather well--even if people 'know' that there is something not quite right with them. These "followers" still flatter them when they know they are lying and mean and manipulative- and go along with them, rather then tell them they are wrong--for some reason. But why? What IS it about the narcissis that drives their followers?

Donald Trump is the perfect example IMHO. He is very narcissistic and yet, he still has a huge following around him! Not just in his current plan to run for the office of President, but even in business. It makes you wonder too. Was he born with this narcissistic personality or was it bred into him? I don't mean bred into him due to his very prestigious upbringing, because honestly, the narcissistic person I know well did not grow up in such a family. I wonder about her too--is this something she was born with? or is it something bred into them? I lean on the breeding thought tbh. But even then, I don't know why it only seemed to affect her and not the other siblings in her family.

She seems to really be able to charm people and then the moment they are out of ear shot, she speaks so terribly about them! Yet, she tends to just have one person at a time that she truly devils--and belittles them and is able to get everyone else in her circle of people to accept her ideas and do the same exact behavior until they literally drive that person away in tears or whatever.

What is it that drives these people to act so, I wonder? They wear two faces. The one that they show to the world and then the 2nd one that is their true self and it is demeaning and mean and demoralizing. They would make great torturers, because in a sense they are torturous to others. Why would anyone want to behave in this way towards another?

I'm hoping both of the books mentioned in the previous two posts on pg. 1 here will be able to help me to answer these questions and more.

You know the other amazing thing about people like this? It seems that so many people I know--have/had narcissistic people in their lives! So it is more prominent I think that many people realize...scary that, isn't it? And yet, many of us linger in the torture chamber, for various reasons. I'm one of them, hoping to break free 100%, but its not as easy for me as it sounds.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celticnoodle View Post
As was mentioned, paying attention to the people you surround yourself with is very important too, and you obviously know this. I was intrigued with the book you mentioned here, Cozmo and did a google search for it. It sounds really good and informative. There is another book that I only just found about that may be of interest to you. It is titled - " Full Catastrophe Living" and written by Kabat-Zinn. I was told of this in the comp thread here by WolfSpirit. I have only just ordered this Full Catastrophe book and haven't yet received it. But, it sounds like it may be a good follow up book for the one you just read. I am going to look for the book you mention here as well. I am finding myself finally free (I hope) of a very sad and ill fated relationship with a very horrible narcissitic person who has rallied a small following around her.

The others are misguided by her--but she has such a way about her to fool you and its not till you are away from her that you begin to realize her game. Its really sad, and I feel sorry for the narcisstic person, but she is poison and I have to let her and the rest of the go for my own sake and good health and well being.

So, I will be sure to keep you posted on that book, if you are interetsed. It is all about using mindfulness to help you heal from stress mostly. here is a short paragraph about what this book will do for you--

Kabat-Zinn focuses on "mindfulness," a concept that involves living in the moment, paying attention, and simply "being" rather than "doing." While you can practice anything "mindfully," from taking a walk to cleaning your house, Kabat-Zinn presents several meditation techniques that focus the attention most clearly, whether it's on a simple phrase, your breathing, or various parts of your body. The book goes into detail about how hospital patients have either improved their health or simply come to feel better despite their illness by using these techniques, but these meditations can help anyone deal with stress and gain a calmer outlook on life.

and, I will again wish you much luck in your journey to self healing and mention that I think you are on your way to finding yourself free and clear of murky and depressing energies. Good luck to you in your continued journey and to staying that way too! Its not an easy journey to make, but you at least now realize how important it is for yourself. That is the first step!

((()))
I'm so sorry I didn't reply to this post - I must have missed it. I've been on holiday to the beach for a week, but the day before I left my ex rang me (which freaked me out), he said he was messing with his phone and called by accident. And asked me out. Luckily I was going away.
Now I'm home I will definitely check out that book, and i'm still reading many of the Facebook pages about narcissists.
I've been doing some mindfulness meditation too, so it's great you mentioned it. There are some good videos on YouTube. As I've not had my meditation cds on holiday with me, and it's helped keep my mind a little more organised.
My friend told me to go into the sea on the full moon and let go of my emotions and soak up the moons energies, which was very invigorating. So I've still been working on myself while I've been away.
Strangely I'd not heard about narcissists before a year or so ago and no I see traits in all manner of people - or maybe I'm more attuned to their ways now with my own experience. Breaking free is horrific though.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cozmo0_4 View Post
I'm so sorry I didn't reply to this post - I must have missed it. I've been on holiday to the beach for a week, but the day before I left my ex rang me (which freaked me out), he said he was messing with his phone and called by accident. And asked me out. Luckily I was going away.
Good for you! Getting a way is also a nice way to let go of things and BREATHE! I'm glad too that you had a great excuse and that you were going away!
Quote:
Now I'm home I will definitely check out that book, and i'm still reading many of the Facebook pages about narcissists.
I've been doing some mindfulness meditation too, so it's great you mentioned it. There are some good videos on YouTube. As I've not had my meditation cds on holiday with me, and it's helped keep my mind a little more organised.
My friend told me to go into the sea on the full moon and let go of my emotions and soak up the moons energies, which was very invigorating. So I've still been working on myself while I've been away.
Strangely I'd not heard about narcissists before a year or so ago and no I see traits in all manner of people - or maybe I'm more attuned to their ways now with my own experience. Breaking free is horrific though.
I have just finished reading the book "Healing Ancestral Karma", which is about dealing with people (like narcissistic people) and really any relationship that is unhealthy. It gives exercises to do-very simple things, that will help heal yourself, and then also your children/your siblings, and those family members who are both deceased now and yet unborn. Its very interesting and a short book. It may also be of interest to you. It was wirtten by Dr. Steven D. Farmer, in case you are interested--I think I did mention it here already.

I have only JUST started to read the book WolfSpirit recommended to me--the one called "Full Catastrophe Living". This is a thick book. Its going to take awhile to get through it--and so I am taking it slow too. I can let you know how it pans out for me when I have at least gotten through half the book--and definitely when I finish the end of it.
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If you can get your hands on some zircon crystals (NOT cubic zirconia, which is not really a crystal, just a man-made diamond-like stone) use those with smoky topaz for a great "wall" and cloak of invisibility. When wearing real zircons, one becomes virtually invisible to the narcissist or the bully or thief. It has a nice way of protecting your force field they will chose others in your vicinity, perhaps, and not you!

The other crystal I would recommend for this is moldavite combined with black tourmaline. Prehnite is also very soothing and yet super protective - and is a lovely spring shade of lemon-lime. Good for the heart chakra, as well.

ETA I bought a multi colour zircon bead necklace on Etsy. Just make sure the listing describes the stones as real zircon and not cubic zirconia. It is the best, bar none, grounding and negativity erasing crystal I have ever used! I use also my smoky topaz pendant on that string of beads. Garnet works well with it, too
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Originally Posted by Padma View Post
If you can get your hands on some zircon crystals (NOT cubic zirconia, which is not really a crystal, just a man-made diamond-like stone) use those with smoky topaz for a great "wall" and cloak of invisibility. When wearing real zircons, one becomes virtually invisible to the narcissist or the bully or thief. It has a nice way of protecting your force field they will chose others in your vicinity, perhaps, and not you!

The other crystal I would recommend for this is moldavite combined with black tourmaline. Prehnite is also very soothing and yet super protective - and is a lovely spring shade of lemon-lime. Good for the heart chakra, as well.

ETA I bought a multi colour zircon bead necklace on Etsy. Just make sure the listing describes the stones as real zircon and not cubic zirconia. It is the best, bar none, grounding and negativity erasing crystal I have ever used! I use also my smoky topaz pendant on that string of beads. Garnet works well with it, too
ah! good idea. Except that I do wear my moldavite pretty much everyday-(though recently, in the last 2 wks, I haven't worn it very much tbh)-and my narcissistic family members were STILL on attack mode. Whenever I go to visit my side of the family, I am weighed down in crystals. My pockets are laden with black crystals - and I also carry the rose quartz, to help me find some peace when I am finally back in the hotel room. I'm not very familiar withprehnite, however. I need to look into that one! I love garnet and have a beautiful set of garnet earrings and a ring too--but I again, rarely wear them anymore. I'll look into real zircon as well. I think I do have one, but I am not 100% sure. I do have the smoky topaz though! Its a very pretty crystal.

thanks for the recommendations!
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Oh, haha...I was addressing Cozmo sorry for any misunderstanding.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padma View Post
If you can get your hands on some zircon crystals (NOT cubic zirconia, which is not really a crystal, just a man-made diamond-like stone) use those with smoky topaz for a great "wall" and cloak of invisibility. When wearing real zircons, one becomes virtually invisible to the narcissist or the bully or thief. It has a nice way of protecting your force field they will chose others in your vicinity, perhaps, and not you!

The other crystal I would recommend for this is moldavite combined with black tourmaline. Prehnite is also very soothing and yet super protective - and is a lovely spring shade of lemon-lime. Good for the heart chakra, as well.

ETA I bought a multi colour zircon bead necklace on Etsy. Just make sure the listing describes the stones as real zircon and not cubic zirconia. It is the best, bar none, grounding and negativity erasing crystal I have ever used! I use also my smoky topaz pendant on that string of beads. Garnet works well with it, too
Padma - I've taken a screen shot of this and will make a call to my gem store today, and see what they have. I need to have the power to get my mind in order. I've been reading the post on the moldavite and it has some interesting points on there.
I'm only just getting into working with crystals but the tigers Eye is giving me very strong vibrations when I hold it.

Celticnoodle - I'll Google the books now. I have a friend who has many books on the subject and have been reading up quite a bit on the subject of narcissistic behaviour - although no matter what I read my mind still won't get away from him. No matter how hard I try.
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Tiger's eye is an excellent stone for courage! It helps us to do the things we need to do, and face what we need to face without fear.

Good luck, Cozmo! In the end, it all comes down to loving yourself enough to say "no!" to those who might harm you.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padma View Post
Tiger's eye is an excellent stone for courage! It helps us to do the things we need to do, and face what we need to face without fear.

Good luck, Cozmo! In the end, it all comes down to loving yourself enough to say "no!" to those who might harm you.
Thank you Padma.
I went crystal shopping today and sadly no moldavite,but she'll get me some.

I picked up smokey quartz, green prehnite, and black tourmaline.
So I'm reading up on them now.
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